You know I work hard to build people up and many others really don't! - Al-Anon Family Group

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

You know I work hard to build people up and many others really don't!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

"Their thoughts, feelings, behaviors" - theirs. " My thoughts, feelings, behaviors mine" Nice that your recovery is helping you notice the difference between folks in recovery and folks still in pain. Learning how to not mind little stings and not giving them is a challenge I'm still working on with people not in recovery - and some who are. (((BF))) You didn't cause it. You can't control it. You can't cure it. Their behavior is a reflection on them - not on you. Sending you lots of encouragement, support and understanding.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks grateful2be I was just thinking that it says a lot about her and not me and that I need to QTIP thanks for the reminder. I need to not be so sensitive to people that I am barely getting to know and be careful with my own vulnerabilities.

Mari1978 · Senior Member

Recognition of how something sits with you in a negative manner could be the first step in how you respond. Stop. Think. and let it go. My dad pisses me off like no one else can possibly. It has taken a really long time for me to learn to walk away from a bad situation, shut my trap, and remind myself we are completely different people he believes and sees things his way and I have mine. I will never be able to make him see things the way I do. My dad likes to dictate on how I should live my life. The last time he spoke to me he ridiculed me in "how I handle everything in my life", and told me I should be "listening and doing as he says, I would never have the problems I have if I did". Psst...he is diagnosed Bi polar. Right, now that I know, I need to evaluate the source. It is still hurtful though...how long it hurts is up to me. Good luck with setting your boundaries and I wish you the ability to detach in all that stops your growth. Sending love and support in return ;)

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Breaking.........but I need to make some boundaries or dettach and stop helping them more than I need to be. Sending you all love and support!

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BINGO.....that is what I would do.....leave em to their own lessons, do what is right and fair and let go the rest.........good on you, I like the way you post and then work the problem out b4 the post has ended..LOL....GREAT program work you do....Nursing hey??? Bet U will be a wonderful nurse.......I happen to think nurses are the heros of medicine....it is the NURSES, in my opinion, who keep the patients alive.....JUST saying

RunnerChick · Senior Member

I have to watch myself when I become invested in other people's outcomes or I go to great lengths for a friend who I don't feel would do it for me OR who is appreciative. I think letting go of expectations of how others will behave is key.

It's certainly not easy by any means. I also try to examine my motivations for doing things for anyone - am I expecting anything in return? Can I give freely?

In terms of my job, I also try to just accept the parameters of my job. I work in an industry where I rarely get any sort of accolades. I have to simply see that my purpose is to "perform my job" and that is that and not take things personally.

So much more of what people do are about them than about us. I have to keep this reminder on repeat constantly.

RoseODAT · Senior Member

This is a very good response, Grateful,

Feelings are simply feelings. Sometimes I find myself wanting to help the world to and I end up hurting myself instead resenting after and do those feelings get the best of me. I think I've learned that people just want to be heard.....they'll take what resonates with them and leave the rest. From perky and outgoing, I've become much more introverted over the years, and examine peoples attitudes, that way I have an idea of how I might be able to work with them. Although yes, some people are so darn difficult, I hear ya Breaking....but yes, that is THEIR issue....So I detach and let those "difficult" people be sometimes and let them learn the hard way if they are too proud for any advice. Sometimes I miss being as outgoing and as outspoken as I used to be, but I think I found a good balance as I'm also looking to take care of me and the consequences from what I might say.

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Working environments, its sometimes brutal.. It can be a jungle...lol. You will hear things said that you never imagined you would ever here.

So many personalities. I worked in the Corp. world for over 30 years. What I learned was never get too personal, do your work to the best of your ability and keep a smile on your face.

Work is also a place where you get to practice your detachment skills. Not saying that I didnt develop friendships, but with boundaries in place.

Keep being you , a positive influence and it will be an example like a domino effect.

Hugs, Bettina

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Just lower you glasses....look them straight in the eyes for a few seconds...then walk away with a smile.

Katytexasmom · Veteran Member

RunnerChick wrote:
I have to watch myself when I become invested in other people's outcomes or I go to great lengths for a friend who I don't feel would do it for me OR who is appreciative. I think letting go of expectations of how others will behave is key.

It's certainly not easy by any means. I also try to examine my motivations for doing things for anyone - am I expecting anything in return? Can I give freely?

In terms of my job, I also try to just accept the parameters of my job. I work in an industry where I rarely get any sort of accolades. I have to simply see that my purpose is to "perform my job" and that is that and not take things personally.

So much more of what people do are about them than about us. I have to keep this reminder on repeat constantly.

I love this! expectations.

I try to remind myself when dealing with a hurting person who seems bent on hurting others that I can continue to be kind because I choose to be kind...I dont want to let their behavior dictate mine! At the end of the day I want to like me, if I act crappy I don't.

continue your kindness, because you are kind! Lots of support!!!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.