The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My son keeps runnIng to his dads. His dad has no rules, no insight And hes never there. He buys our 19 year old beer and smokes pot with him. He sent me a message that says our son knows he has a problem, and we just need to encourage him right now....he needs encouragement. What he means by that is he wants us (me) to keep signing him up for classes and help him get in the military! My son gets loaded everyday! telling him how great his life is going to be in the navy just helps my son feel less miserable about the condition of his life as it really is. And after he gets his fix of feel good (how bad can my life be because I'm going back to school and getting in the military) he goes right back into the drugs
I'm angry! But I can't change my son or his dad. I simply responded to the text by saying what our son does not need:enabling.
__________________
More of LET GO & LET GOD, Less of GRAB ON & LET ME!
If your son wants to get his GED to get into the military he can do that without anyone's help. What good would it do for your son if you and his dad did all the work. He has to grow up and be able to do these things himself. You can encourage without enabling.
If your son continues to use I'm sure he would not qualify for the military. They do test for drugs.
Don't get angry anymore. Detach with love and kindness. Have the courage to change you because you can't change them.
((( hugs )))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Maybe look on it as a positive that he is spending more time at his Dad's, dedicate the time he is away from you to focus on your own recovery....the longer he spends there the more his Dad will 'see' his disease and things may change; living with an A who's disease is progressing is not a barrel of fun.
You are in Alanon and your husband is not, this can create a, how can I put it 'interesting'.. dynamic. I entered Alanon, my husband did not but he did absorb some of it (quite a lot of it) by osmosis! His enabling gradually stopped.
What boundaries do you have in place? Is his Dad happy to drink with him and send him home to you under the influence? If so is this acceptable behaviour?
Keep working it, keep coming back
In support
Ness x
-- Edited by Ness on Thursday 12th of September 2013 05:41:04 AM
