The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
a thing that I can. I've not done a certain 9th step for a long time because of the caveat "except when to do so would injure them or others" and so up till now I've poke and stabbed at it to see if I can rid myself of the self resentment for what I did a long while ago...before recovery came along. I'm trusting my Higher Power and keeping my head out of it (my head thinks it is my higher power most of the time...lol). What I did affected alot of people and not even in this country...somewhere else and I need to do it. I've reached out to program people there to give me feedback and help so that I can be properly and honestly responsible for what I did and didn't do. My mind is on someone I involved in my wrong doing who had a family and a position of respect in that family and community. Don't want others to be hurt. Have turned the outcome over and am doing baby steps now. Wish I was a different person then and then like the person I've become since. Mahalo Al-Anon and AA and my MIP family.
Hi, Jerry: One thought comes to me: Isn't resentment tied in with an expectation somehow? Can we apply that particular piece of program wisdom to ourselves as well? Just wondering that following your words about poking and your self-resentments.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 10th of September 2013 03:54:56 PM
((((((Jerry))))) never forget that person you were before because without him you wouldn't be the person you are today. Forgiveness begins with oneself.
This amends seems to be eating at your serenity, sit awhile with your motives.is the person living a compromised life because of your actions or are they ok? Would they benefit from an amends or is the wreckage of the past best left in the past? Do you need/want their forgiveness for your own recovery? If you stir up the hornet's nest can you take the stings?
I wish you serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference
You will know when you know brother mine. Hugs p :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I'm glad to hear you like the person you are now Jerry - couldn't agree more. Learning to trust ourselves is a gift isn't it? Have a good day over there (((hugs)))
(((Jerry))) I somehow believe we always reach where we need to be, and in order to reach there, we learn to do what needs to be done...step by step.
be gentle, with yourself as much as with others.
in support
Mahalo to you all for the responses if anyone tells us that they are not important that person would be in denial of support. Self resentment...I don't like being treated as I treated my victims and yet I complain about it. I have forgiven myself and then whats that about when I have found on past amends that I left my victims with blame wondering what it was that they did to deserve what I did to them. Isn't that what I have gone thru in my complaints against this disease and my alcoholic/addict spouse and family.? My last major amends to a family (father and son) I violated took 22 years and I knew the they were not so much different than I was as a victim. The would be wondering if they were at fault and it took 2 5200 mile round trips to be able to do it and when they answered my phone call to set up an amends the Father said "Oh I know exactly who you are" and the son said "What in the hell did I do to deserve that"? If we live with the pain as victims so do our victims and the amends is to free them from hostage taking by guilt, shame and blame. These two had no idea that the root of the situation (beating) was the alcoholism in my life. After I told them both were visually relieved. Now they understood and they let it go...I watched that happen and thanked God and my former sponsor for the help. I got an affirmation regarding our program steps and the 9th step for certain as the father told me, "Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine what you just did". Free at last...they were Free at last. Mahalo Al-Anon and AA. I have no expectations for a future amends...I'm just trusting the process as I've been taught it and if it comes about. I am not alone on this at all. I know for certain that I am abided with by my HP, the program and my MIP family. Your Experience, Strength and Hope are a treasure chest and not a Pandora's Box. I am not leading...I am following. (((((hugs)))))
Have a good day over there (((hugs)))