Two cousins of mine have decided to live on the streets of California. Their Mom died last October. Their Dad who is living elsewhere with his gf sold the house they were all living in at the time. The oldest is nearing 63. The younger is probably in her early 50s. The eldest has stayed in the house until the bitter end. The younger moved to California in April. The Dad bought them each a plane ticket to move thousands of miles from their roots. Neither cousin would consider moving to income-based senior housing 20 miles from their home. The oldest has sent e-mails to all of us since his Mom died to let us know that he would be homeless and what he couldn't or wouldn't do. He'd get angry when he'd ask for help, suggestions came, people would step in to help him complete applications or look at apartments or sign up for health coverage or a free phone.   Then, he'd email all of us that he would be homeless although he'd been looking everywhere and doing all he could to find another place to live - except where there was a possibility he could apply for income-based senior housing.

The first step in this situation for me has been a big help as I've stood back after realizing that my cousins' choices were their own and I was powerless over them and what I see to be decisions that aren't mine to make. The rescuer in me continues to turn the red light on with each e-mail I receive. I'm fairly certain my cousin - who comes from a large family - is looking for one of us to take him in and to rescue him from becoming an advocate on his own behalf. The program step reminds me that if I act with that red light flashing, my life will become unmanageable again.

Doing nothing but witnessing the e-mail, thanking my cousins for the updates, and sending my love in the form of letting them make their own choices without interference has offered me lots of practice with this step. Thanks for the post, Bettina.