The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I finally worked out a minor resentment I've been having lately and it gave me the courage to speak up today after taking the time to write things down.
I really surprised myself when of all people who ended upon my resentment list, it was my boss. I was sitting down this weekend trying to pull up a new name of someone to put into my fourth step work and her name just kept coming up in my head, so I gave in and went with it. I know for most of you this would probably be pretty dang normal - most people's bosses are probably at the top of their list for pretty valid reasons. But I actually have a lot of respect and admiration for my boss and it was difficult for me to admit I've had a growing resentment going on.
It basically boils down to management styles and she continually requests that I manage in a specific way that I don't always feel competent about or comfortable doing. It's a great style, but my mind doesn't calculate and problem solve in the same way hers does.
Today after having a meeting with her where she was requesting I manage something in a specific way I finally paused and told her I felt stressed and not capable of what she's requesting. I told her it's not that I flat out refuse, but I just don't feel it's within my ability. I told her I may choose a different path and it's okay to let me crash and burn if necessary.
It felt really good to finally say something. She was perfectly receptive of it, which was great. I was recognizing that what she was doing was just trying to help me but it was coming across unintentionally as controlling and condescending.
Now - why is THAT so familiar to me? Well because I've been 100% guilty of the same behaviors myself. "I know what you need to do. You just need to do X, Y and Z." While my victim gets to sit there and have their eyes gloss over and start to panic.
Basically I've been feeling pinned under her expectations and have not been allowed opportunities to experiment and grow.
Now that she's giving me free reign... heck yeah it's kinda scary, but at least I'll learn from it better and get the lessons I need from my own doing instead of just feeling like this is all my boss's show.
Made sense to me. It feels so good to acknowledge to another what works for us and to see what gets our goat about another is in us. Then once we see it there is no unseeing it. I love this work!
Really wonderful program work, taking responsibility ask for what you need rather than stewing in resentment and having expectations of your boss to know what you want or need. You're right, everyone has a different style of working. It takes a lot of courage to voice your feelings to someone in authority and risk having your idea shot down or risk failure at what you propose to do. I am betting your boss has a lot of respect for you in this moment for knowing who you are and being self assured about your skills and your openness to experimenting with a new way of doing an old task. Mistakes are a great way to learn more and very few people can master something on the first try. I hope you'll cut yourself some slack as you try something new. Congratulations on your courage, trust in yourself and trust in your boss to actively listen and be open to new ways of working. Best of luck with your project. TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Aloha...one of the things that I fund come after a step 4 like that is the courage to change what I find I can change. You took responsibility with courage and gave your boss an opportunity. Awesome...nice that you bought it here. ((((hugs))))
I love to see stories of honest sharing person to person that includes I talk without the "and you have to change to meet my specification talk." It took me awhile to stop stuffing and stock-piling and am still trying to improve on saying what I mean, meaning what I say and not saying it mean - especially with folks who have some type of authority in my life. I think I started my practice sessions of that first with my HP. Thank you for a wonderful example of 4th step self-inventory work. Felt so peaceful to me to read it.
Thanks Aloha for coming here and sharing how you do it.
Isn't it nice also when we finally dare to speak up after so much fear we carry inside, and the consequence is not at all what we imagined, and actually contributes to some better understanding. i love when that happens. Gives me courage and hope.
in grateful support
