The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My son called. His cell phone is off. i told him that he cannot move in and go to school as we had planned because while I was lining up tutors and gettithat he school packets he was partying like a rock star! I told him I'm doing all the work and that's not going to work. I told him I saw all ths on Facebook and that he always finds a way to get to the parties, to get the drugs etc. he can find a way AT HIS DADS to get to meetings and get help. without recovery all these plans are a pipe dream!
I told him I love him and want to help him, but I fooled myself into thinking I could help him with school etc while he's still using.
He's very angry! He cussed and fumed. He said EVERYONE his age parties! I told him he is an addict and his life is out of control. He hung up on me! How do I feel? Scared. Nervous. Sad.
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More of LET GO & LET GOD, Less of GRAB ON & LET ME!
They seldom say thank you very much - at first. You did something you haven't done before. Therefore, you don't know the outcome. You're outside your comfort zone. Maybe some step and slogan reading might be a help to you in dealing with your fear, anxiety and sadness? Not only are we powerless over their addictions, we are also powerless over how they think, feel and behave when we set a boundary they didn't expect.
I too have heard the cussing, the begging, the hurt feelings and the multitude of hangups. I too was anxiety ridden, fearful and sad. But it passed. It passed every single time and my son is still drinking. Usually takes about a week after he binges before the I love you's come and I don't want to lose my family. Please support me.
As I posted earlier about the relationship. I can't have one with my son right now. It's just not possible. I love him but I will detach with love and continue to take care of me. I will make the change. I will be the adult here. I know no matter what my son loves me back and if or when he go's into recovery I will be there with open arms. I will keep it simple, not argue, beg, scream or plead with him. I will listen then let go. I will not do anything for him he can't do for himself. When I see him I will keep it simple and not bring up anything. I will have boundaries that are loving but firm.
My son could have a good and long life.......but not this way.....not with alcohol. I won't contribute to it anymore.
I will attend Al-anon, get a sponsor, read and read and read some more. I will pray for my HP to guide me when I am lost and show me the way. I will think before I act and never again react.
Prayers for you and your son......keep coming back because you are not alone.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
he can find a way AT HIS DADS to get to meetings and get help. without recovery all these plans are a pipe dream!
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Yep, but OUR taking care of ourselves and letting them go to their maker is NOT a pipe dream....
I don't dream for anyone else to realize their dreams if they are drinking and or using....I pray for them, I love them at a distance, detachment kind of love, compassionate detachment, but the bottom line?? I am not gonna get in their drama and their negativity.....Life is waaay to short to go out and "purchase" pain and getting all involved in the users and drinkers is "buying pain" AND it does not produce anything good....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I know its painful to excercise tough love to our children.
Even though my daughter is not an addict, she has other issues that I have to detach from.
I wonder if you Moms have ever seen the movie "Basketball Diaries", its with Leo DiCaprio, he is a teenager who becomes an addict. Its a true story with a good ending. Its worth a look, very inspiring.
