The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My enableing inlaws and husbands AAunt put my son in the middle of adult business by talking about my choice to not him stay with Aaunt anymore when I found out what an A she was, in front of him at the lake a couple months ago. After the verbal abuse I heard from her on my phone recording after I removed my son from a drunked situation and left with him at the lake. Later I found out my AH heard her screaming the cussing and abusive things to me over the phone and he walked away.
Anyway .. My 8 yr old callsand ask me why he cant spend the night with AAunt. I said well Bubba you have school tomorrow. He said no mom becasue of her drinking. I said we can talk about it later, but right now your over there with NAna and Papaw fixin a gate so go help papaw and visit while your there. He was fine with that answer. I toldm y husband how wrong that was of them putting son in the middle and He told me I was blowing it out of porportion and stop starting crap.
The old me would have lost it !! Instead, I stopped folding the clothes I was folding .. grabbed the vacuum and dang near vacuumed the carpet up from the bedrooms... I was so mad.... then I just kept cleaning in other rooms working out my aggression. My AH came and apologized. I just said, no prob I forget your not emtionally there or me. I shouldve called a friend. and walked away.
When I picked up my son from his nanas ... he asked me about it and I told him after I saw how she drank and acted I didnt feel it was a safe environment for him to be there without a responsible adult. He said she doesnt drink anymore like that. I said she hides it like daddy. Its not safe. He said Ya I hear daddy tell you he didnt drink anything and he does. I told him I know that .. its a sad disease that makes you lie to people you love. But my job is to keep you safe.
And we moved on ..... doing my best to let an 8 yr oldunderstand this disease and choices. I refuseo lie to him ... but he seems to "get it" even when the A's around him dont
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
Good on you...my five year old knows that his Daddy is poorly because he drinks beer, seems the kids do understand and being open with them is the best.
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
The A as long as he/she is active in their disease can't be or give emotional support. I see it all the time. I will set my boundaries, keep them, do what I need to do and let it all go. I'm a big girl and can handle it myself for now. I wish your AH could be there for you but it might not happen anytime soon or at all. Your job is to keep you son safe without anyone telling you anything different. Just look at all of them and see the sickness and you will come away with a sense your doing the next right thing.
Take care and prayers to you, your son and family.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
