The material presented
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level.
This town is way to small .. ugh. The kids and I have been going to starbucks to use the internet and honestly I have been waiting for this to happen. Sure enough tonight is the night he almost walked in .. that really threw me. I don't like the emotional reaction I had to him .. it's not even the emotional it's the way my body felt. It was the physical reaction .. I know emotionally I am over things however the physical effects were shocking. I was left shaking for about 10 min .. ugh. Part of it was that I did not want to see him until this is all done, I still don't want to see him even after that .. I'm sooo grateful for the OP to say the least. He actually tried to go for the door and I grabbed the OP .. yes, .. always and I can't stress enough at least in my state that is the first thing the cops ask for .. a copy of the OP so they can see what is going on, I then grabbed my phone looked him in the eye from across the store and pretty much challenged him without a word. I've put him in jail once and trust me .. I won't hesitate to do so again. He saw me and had a deer in a headlight look on his face and this is the first time since the OP we have had this happen .. he must have been as shell shocked as I was after all .. last time he had contact with me I put him in jail and that was via third party. No acknowledgement of the kids and they saw him. He honestly may not have seen them .. I seriously doubt that .. he did move quickly .. LOL. I give him credit on that. UGH .. I just stopped shaking and typing it out helped. It just caught me off guard how my body reacted to the situation. I thought I was passed that part of the deal .. I think it just caught me by surprise while I knew at some point I would run into him outside of court I wasn't prepared for it. While I know how he can't be alone I wasn't prepared to realize he was meeting someone here as well, he stood outside for a min before attempting to come in ... texting like crazy so he must have been trying to head someone off.
Whew .. I swear that was something. I can tell I'm so much further along than I thought I was not as far as I'd like to be. The deal is .. had he been here first we couldn't come in to the store so fair is fair the fact we were here first he can't come in and disturb our day.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
It's my understanding that our bodies have an intelligence of their own. We store things in our muscles. It's not unusual for a fight or flight response when faced with a person who has contributed to us experiencing a tremendous amount of stress. I knew a person many years ago who was a true predator. I met him in the course of my work. He was dangerous. I could sense it. Not dangerous in the sense of being erratic, but dangerous in the sense of stalking prey with malicious intent. Fortunately, he was arrested for something he'd done and taken off the streets. Fast forward about 15 years. I was standing inside my office and saw him walking past the place on the sidewalk. He had aged but my body was the first to alert me that danger was near. Maybe this is something you don't want to get over? Maybe your body's response is a healthy one to someone who is menacing to you?
Aloha Pushka...for me that is about unfinished business and then I learned that as long as I had not gotten closure my memory would cue me into a reaction. One thing I learned how to do was to journal my emotions about the event only; not my thoughts. Mostly my emotions were fear and guilt and shame and lack of confidence and esteeme. Those things I worked on so that I could arrive at "my part in it" and own that. Learning about he "False Evidence Appearing Real" acronym was very helpful also. That had a lot to do with my reactions. My brain also reacts to feelings and if I don't give it enough time to balance and settle I'm going to come up with a poor choice. The last face to face I had with my alcoholic/addict was in public and we were drawn together and into an embrace. We both knew then that we loved each other and also that we had no reason to be married. We had made a mistake. The embrace was soooo intimate and caring...it felt good and was a perfect setting for saying goodbye. I've had the other reactions and worked thru it. I think my first inventory question on my feelings was "Why did I feel like that"? and next "Why did I react that way"? God my sponsor taught me to question everything. LOL I miss him...probably reading this post. (((((hugs))))) (((((Don.T)))))
I do understand your plight, I carry mine also. Hard to inform the city I now live in that I have it, they made copies and such as it was filed in the county if the assault. Every time I even see a vehicle that resembles his I go into a different "mode"... I can not imagine having my children involved as they are grown. I'm glad this encounter was deescalated so easily for you and I hope that you are able to avoid future encounters for you and the children's safety & comfort. Glad all went well.
There are some folks who truly are dangerous to us. Not many but some. I think its dangerous - especially to women and children - to ignore the body's "red alert" messaging when it happens. It is my understanding that even the skin "screams" in its way. I am glad that you paid attention to your body and immediately went into safe mode by picking up your phone and sending a message both with your eyes and with your body that said "Stay away." Maybe as time progresses, this reaction will change, but for now as a woman who has experienced being assaulted by someone intending me harm, I think your body knows what it knows and can be trusted. This is more than an alcoholism issue.
Considering the message, and the OP, he did what he needed to do in this case, too. As I read this, it appears he probably couldn't have acknowledged the kids. Considering your daughter and her experiences and the fact you have been attempting to get an OP that covers the kids as well, perhaps you modeled for her what to do when her body tells her "Wake up. Pay attention. Protect yourself. Do no harm."
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 9th of September 2013 05:08:20 AM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 9th of September 2013 05:14:43 AM
I "get" this because even though I have been away from my A for three years and I have few occasions to run into him, when I do, it throws me. I saw him at a grocery store a few weeks ago and found myself ducking around corners to avoid him seeing me or us running into each other. And, even after all this time, when I talk about him with friends that I haven't seen in a while, I choke up about the whole thing, my body reacts as if the violence happened yesterday!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Thankfully he was harassing me and acting unstable .. he's confirmed his behavior with the stay at the psych ward last month. I did have an ex who was violent against me and I have always suffered from hyper vigilance even as a young child. I feel much better now. Coming here knowing I'm not alone makes a huge difference. I felt bad for the kids they sensed my distress and him being sooo out of things never acknowledged them. He again continues to make my case. I seriously doubt he's going to see the kids. This is many warped sense of humor ... Lol .. I am not going to lie I wonder if he canceled his "date". It didn't go as planned is putting it mildly. Sorry I can't meet you my wife and kids are here. Didn't I mention I'm not divorced yet? Oh we can't go in she has an OP out against me. Oi the tangled webs we weave .. I'm just glad it is over and the kids and I made a point of not leaving right away. Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I am glad you had this forum to discharge some of what was going on in your body. I, too, know that the body knows where there is danger ahead; your hypervigilance is a gift. I believe that many of us have it, but our minds/hearts overrule and dismiss, at times.
Good focus on you and your children! In addition to the support from others, please try not to think too much about what was happening on his end... date, meeting his sponsor, etc there are many possibilities, and he was trying to handle what ever his situation was.
((Pushka)) havent been on here for along but I think some of us have PTSD to some extent, I know I have we have lived in a war zone, in our own homes for many years and it takes it's toll. Much love x
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
