The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is the first time I have used the anger icon on here! I am definitely angry still at my mom! I don't want it to become a resentment! OK so I was talking to her & she mentioned how she doesn't trust my husband. I am livid as this stuff is continuing as she sits in the hospital & I am having trouble loving her today! So, I told her pardon me to go to H##L! I know I should not have said that word but it kills me that she could be so ungrateful for all my husband has done for her sorry butt! OK so it doesn't sound like I respect her at all, does it? I am sorry for her situation & I feel like I can freely say that I miss her but... in the future she is going in shackles to another mental facility further away that chances are she won't even see me but maybe once. The shackle idea is specific to our state it is like transporting a criminal! Is that humane? I feel for her especially because she is 70 & of course she is my mom. Even though I am still raging, I feel better letting it all out on here. My fellow Al anon mentioned at the meeting that we really shouldn't dump our stuff. That it should be left w/ her sponsor I guess, that happens to be ME! We had a newcomer yesterday & now I feel like I should be more aware of what I say too. She doesn't need to hear the BS. But, don't we all need to focus on the 1st step at almost any meeting?.
Sorry about all the stuff I carry! Every day isn't rainbows & roses.
Kathleen: Sorry you've had such a difficult day on an emotional level. I've had similar type experiences. I've had to eat crow and make an honest amends for my part in stressful situations made worse by my projecting into the future. I've also learned that change of life issues with family members require an Easy Does It approach and a lot of extra loving care for myself each day. If you're feeling guilty about "dumping your stuff" at the meeting with a newcomer present, maybe modeling an amends can be a good thing for the newcomer to witness the next time you're there?
I've been at a lot of meetings when folks dumped their stuff. They kind of gave voice to what I was thinking and feeling but wouldn't express. In some ways, it's been therapeutic for me and also a learning lesson in listening without taking offense. Unless folks are screaming at me in a meeting, I just see folks dumping as people in pain. Sending you lots of hugs, understanding and support.
So glad tht you came here and shared. Stuffing feelings and pretending does not work I tried that for years. Now please try to be gentle with yourself and repeat the serenity prayer. HP is with you.
