The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have had some starts and stops w my A as far as engaging or not, with whatever drama may be happening at that moment. An example of going backward, for me, is when I hear from him the disbelief that all of this is happening, and I beging to justify and explain. Anytime I have gone down that familiar road we have ended up in a serious yelling argument...merry go round w loud voices.
An example of what feels like progress is when I get another superlong text and I do NOT respond....about how it's probably easier for everyone (including our kids) than him to accept all of this...for us it's just like 'Dad is on the road more than usual' (his words) for him he never gets to come home to wife and kids where he lived for years. One of the things he has done as an act of deperation is to tell me how I feel about whatever it is. This is another example and I am going to let him think that and even say it but I do not have to take that on.
I'm trying to add to the progress and be careful of the steps backward. It doesn't always work but I feel you guys here to prop me up when I need it!
Blessings to you :) I just wanted to say the Slogan I think of when that merry go round of drama begins for me is Keep it simple. Every time I can keep it simple, and say a few things calmly, and walking away or not engaging is a celebration. I'm not perfect and probably never will be, but progress not perfection. For me if I fall, I just pick myself up and keep going. I have slips, these are old behaviors I'm changing, so I don't shame myself or guilt myself. Just keep working my program :)
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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive
