Update many little things - Al-Anon Family Group

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Update many little things

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

STBAX is out of the psych ward and I am concerned at this point. There are a lot of little things that have come into play, what my part is and isn't .. well I'm not creating a crisis however I'm not being passive either. The charges are there and he's going to have to deal with them. I have given all information to all parties involved how it plays out will be between God and the Judge.

Working it out in my head should I retain my current atty or should I go this alone and just drag things out as long as possible. It's very obvious because my STBAX has the special snowflake attitude that he can't stay out of trouble because the rules do not apply to him. NONE of the rules do and he was sent a clear message Friday that YES .. there are rules and YES they apply to you as well. So he's having to retain his atty for criminal charges .. omgosh .. his atty is going to be pissed is putting it mildly. Well in the offer letter he said some really insulting things and it's obvious STBAX completely and totally lied to him. Soo now there is in writing how badly the STBAX lying about everything and I've got my account and my daughter's account of what took place and he came up with some serious crazy crap. What is interesting to me is that this is having far more ramifications than the DUI did .. this just got serious. I think he is now getting it. He is now going to have to call his daughter a liar to her face this is no longer me he's calling a liar.

Anyway, I'm taking a stand, .. slow and steady, each time I have to go into court it gets easier and I feel stronger. It's still terrifying you are up there and all these people behind you .. LOL .. I no likey!

I did try and get an OP out for the kids with no luck .. I feel awful for them and I'm trying to cover my backside. They don't want to be around him when he's drinking, .. they don't like how he behaves. Well, secondary to the fact that they don't feel safe. The Judge in the case was mad at himself .. LOL .. God love him, he tried to help me the best he could. He complimented my daughter on her maturity and her ability to know what to do in case of danger. He complimented me on her having the courage to take action. He said she was mature enough to gage the situation and my response was .. why does she have to be? Why does she need to be the adult in a situation where there is a 46 year old man who is suppose to be the one taking responsibility? He agreed. It isn't fair to the kids and he was very not happy there was nothing he could do. He fully understood and empathized with me being a parent doing everything right to protect the kids. Thank goodness he wasn't mad at me .. LOL .. that was my bigger concern.

Hoping he remembers me for our court date in 5 days. Hoping that the God of my understanding gives me the right information to say at the right time.

As for me I feel pretty good at the moment, I mean I didn't get my way and the world didn't end. God has a way of working things out and I really believe that a great deal! Trying to really stay in the now .. the kids and I have had a really good time recently we've hit a groove between school and us finding new things to do together. They are such great kids it's not even funny, I got to hear that from a Judge too! That was pretty cool really .. same Judge I told him he was wrong originally .. LOL! God love the man.

Hugs P :)

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Glad you sound like you are taking it all in stride! Awesome recovery Momma! I love that you are a great Mom and al-anon sister working it through this drawn out ordeal and even making us smile along the way! Your perspective and awareness of it all sounds amazing! You inspire!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I have to say, Pushka, that your shares on this court stuff helps me be grateful that my divorce was so simple. $400. A couple of meetings with my attorney. A no contest - no attorney decision on the part of my x. A few questions by the judge. Then, the divorce decree. Complications came after the divorce and didn't include more attorneys or judges.

I have to say that I find your patience and willingness to weed through all of this to be inspiring. On top of that, you are raising and supporting your children while you work to keep yourself and them safe, too. Your recovery work is so obvious to this reader. Whatever you're doing, keep it up.
You'll know whether to retain an attorney or go it alone as you continue to do what you have been doing. You've demonstrated remarkable progress to me throughout this challenging circumstance. Your awareness and acceptance of what is can most certainly lead you to the most loving and healthy action for you and your family when it comes to deciding the next action step to take in this situation.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

I think my acceptance is strictly based upon the fact I can yell at the tide not to come in logic and experience dictates it's going to come in .. I am powerless .. not helpless. I'm invested enough emotionally and financially to dig my heels in and say STOP. Now that is sheer stubbornness on my part .. smart .. I don't know .. my unwillingness to let go of being right .. probably. While I believe God has my back I also believe God expects me to do my part. Tra-la-laing through this ignoring the behavior not an ok option for me.. my kids get hurt first dcsf will look at him ... then they are going to say to me did you know? What did I do to prevent or step in to follow up? Now I can say I did everything the system allowed me to do and the system failed my children. They will then fully look at him. A crisis counselor said the nicest thing to me .. I have never heard of sooo many curves one person has taken and just said ok .. step back .. breathe .. what is best for the kids and I? She said I call you an opportunist in the best sense of the meaning. Now how do I turn that into a career and make money at it?? Lol

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

One of those "Trust God, but tie your camel to a tree" kinds of things that is noted in one of our readers, huh? As determined and tenacious as you see yourself to be, who knows? Maybe you will see a way to turn this in a career and make money at it? I hope so if that's what you'd like to see happen and can see your way clear to that particular outcome. Hope today is a happy and peaceful day for you and the children, Pushka. They're lucky to have you for a Mom.

Green Eyes · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Pushka, you continue to amaze and inspire all of us! Thank you for putting your thoughts and insight on this forum so that we can all learn from your journey. You are using your Al-Anon toolbox so well. Keep on keeping on. You and your HP will see this through to the outcome this is best for you and your kids. <<<HUGS>>>

GE

Jill · ~*Service Worker*~

"I'm powerless, not helpless." Thank you for that. You are living it.
I need to etch that on my brain.

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