I hate, hate, hate to admit this, but there are times when I've felt hopeless and helpless and the core reason for it was this: I wanted my way and I wasn't getting it. I am a grown up. I am an adult. And I still throw small temper tantrums inside when things aren't going in the way I want them to go. And my HP never lets me get away with it. Even keeping this occasional truth about me a little secret between me and HP is no longer allowed. It's an embarrassing reality about me and it is so, so true. There! I've done it. It's out there. At my age and after all my years of recovery, I can still revert to thinking my way is the best way - and I drive myself to distraction when I hang on to this faulty belief.

When I accept my powerlessness and turn things over to HP, I see ways to live as to coin a quote written about Mother Teresa - "A pencil in God's hand."

-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 22nd of August 2013 08:41:44 AM

I can deal with being powerless ... it's feeling helpless that I hate as well as hopeless. Helpless and hopeless mean I have no choices .. Alanon has taught me that I always have choices, because I'm only powerless over other people, places and things. There is no easy button and the choices come with personal responsibility of the consequences that come with these choices. What do you mean I have to be a grown up and not play the victim?! Lol? I didn't like that reality when I first came to Alanon .. the R word Responsibility for me completely and totally. Today I thrive because I can see based upon my own choices what works and what does not. Hugs p :)

Hi Jerry Good Topic and great responses

I think that I woul define the difference in this way

 

PP wrote:

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I remember feeling hopeless and confused with the hopelessness, as it was not my nature to feel hopeless.  I had been so slowly beaten down over the years with my husbands addictions and scapegoating, when I entered into al anon, I was broken and tired.  Tired to my core.  Tired of pretending I had more strength than I did.  I felt better after my first meeting, so I knew there was hope.  I found hope and so much more.

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 for me it has been, since recovery and dumping all the toxins and not letting them back in, now its LIFE beating me down....its just getting harder and harder for me to meet my needs and yes, I do feel helpless in that I cannot force a client to need my services.....helpless in that I cannot do any more than try and take care of me....do good stuff for me to take my mind off.....detachment w/no action coming forth for my good....so yea, feeling helpless right now....I don't pretend anymore that I am not hurting....alone, trying to fight and survive this life alone....its hard......my hopes being deferred over and over are making my heart sick......dunno what to do w/me.....I am working step ONE re:  this lack and this deep desire within me to unload this pain of my past...to dump the resentment, anger, resentment....I want it GONE...so I can go to my after life with less baggage and If I can help a few souls on the way, then my life won't be a total waste.....Just not happy and optomistic of late.....real down....this on going search for enough work is wearing me down....women my age should be having it easier, not harder.............ok, I vented........back to step one.....I cannot deal with this.....no calls on my ads....I call hp and I get voice mail and no answer............losing what little belief I had in anything other than me wanting to help and I am NOT ENOUGH.................good thread.....

I have had to support my powerless thinking again these past few months as my A had passed away.

Never have I felt the need to practice it more as a few pangs of guilt set it.

I have had some gut wrenching nites, but I'm so glad I stuck to this board and the last few weeks have been uplifting for me as I feel the HP of this board, I could feel it healing me.

I came to believe that we are powerless over others lives and when we felt accountable for them, we had the best intentions for them. I came to realize that even if we became sick in the process , our highest intentions were to see them well and sober and that can't be a bad thing, only in the fact that it damaged and harmed us.

So I agree with Tom, powerlessness is empowering, I am proving that every day in my daily life and I never feel hopeless.

Hugs,
Bettina

I'm glad you brought this up here Jerry.  I ditto what Betty said... I think she sums it up really nice.

John

from helpless to hopeless .. Helpless was me having no idea what to really do .. Helpless was also a developed character defect which was absolutely necessary to survive in the environment of controllers I did .. If I was helpless and let Everybody do the work, it kept the peace . I never did it the right way because I never did it Their way .. I did it my way which didn't work for them .. If I sat back on the sideline, Everybody Else could feel important and I didn't seem to matter much; meanwhile my sense of Worth and Value was consistently depleting .. Helpless is Me with No Higher Power .. Powerless ? Power to me isn't like the force domination and strength in the world; it's the Spiritual wisdom to know the difference . I am powerless because I lack wisdom; the wisdom to know How to change what I can, Me .. hp has it .. the difference is it's the power (wisdom and experience) that Really can move me Forward (in my thinking) .. I remember a member sharing once how he Never spoke about anything real before alanon because if you don't have the hope to change something, what do you do with it .> Nothing .. helpless is when I do Nothing because I don't know what to do Instead .. Need to keep coming back to continue to get the Wisdom to know How to move forward ..