The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The latest is that I have been talking on the phone w/ my mom while she is in the hospital. It is very difficult as I knew it would be. I have an interesting instinct when it comes to her. I know that waiting awhile last Monday was the best good idea I had. I needed to re-group & take care of me today. My days don't start out the best when I talk to her in the morning. So, today I think I will not talk to her for a day & see how it goes. She & I used to spend lots of time together going to "tea" as we used to call it in the early days when I first moved up here. Now I am kind of missing those moments. I have been able to share on here the times when things were basically crappy w/ her. I used to depend on her too much when I first got married even though I have a wonderful husband. My husband used to say that we should cut the apron strings. I think he has trouble saying NO to her. Now I have been & she thinks I am pushing her away. She is moving back to CA in less than a year if she is able to get out of the hospital w/o finding herself in a rest home up here. My sister is planning to take care of her when she moves down there. I am just trying to live one day at a time knowing that someday mom is going to live down there. Mom can't seem to live one day at a time. Every since she decided to move, it seems like that is all she wants to talk about. I think she really should enjoy the moments she has up here which we call God's country. Anyhow, I have to accept whatever happens w/ her. I am ready for anything I think.
I remember that I could only deal with my mother for short periods of time... too much and I felt so drained. Wish she was still alive to drain me now.
I miss her.
Hang in there Kathleen, I know this is a trying time for you.
(((safehug))))
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
Ohhh. I don't think it matters what age we are - our parents are our first loves - and we miss them when they age and grow infirm and we miss them when they go. (((Kathleen & John)))
