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I have an occasional Baileys - once a year or maybe once every two years. My family is affected by this disease. I don't want to take chances with my own health. I've had friends who started drinking at home alone - just a cocktail to relax after dinner - and ended up falling down stairs and making up stories about why they had bruises on their faces and foreheads and other stories. And - I don't want to have temptation in my house for those who are newly recovering or accessible to my teenage grandson. And - I don't freak out if friends of mine do have liquor to include beer and wine in their homes. I believe in that admonition to "live and let live." I also don't like the taste of alcoholic beverages or the scents of some.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 9th of August 2013 10:50:45 PM
I'm with you, ILD. Bread. Yum. My husband's family enjoyed wonderful, wonderful breads and other things. Mostly all made with lard. Most of the men died of heart trouble in their 50s. But, they ate wonderfully tasting things until they died. One of the wonderful breads they made was called Lungalo - deep fried garlic bread. Oh, my! Beyond delicious. And could probably kill you in a month if you ate it every day.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 9th of August 2013 11:16:07 PM
Sort of funny - I actually got myself a 6-pack of girlie beers a few weeks ago. I drank the whole 6-pack over the course of about a week. My son comments, "Mom, you drank a lot of beers" when he saw the empty package in the recycle bin.
AH will drink 10 at a pop, then go out to the bar for the rest of the night and no comments.
Sort of funny. Sort of sad. I'll take my little guys lead, and keep it clean. They need a good role model.
Sort of curious - those with an active AH, do you ever drink? I didn't for the longest time, somehow thinking it would influence him to drink less. Wrong, I know. I occasionally get a 6 pack, but it has a pretty long shelf life around here.....unless he runs out of his. Why should I deprive myself, if he is going to drink regardless? Now if he wanted to be sober, and it was a temptation to him, I'd happily throw it out.....I don't "need" it. Guess we'll cross that bridge if we ever get to it.
Anything I drank was ammo thrown at me when he was in a fighting mood - YOU drink too! (always claiming I had more of a drinking problem than he did, which I DID explore to my own satisfaction). When he moved out for the last time, coming in every so often to pick up something, he'd always go check my fridge so he could throw it at me later that there was alcohol in it. Of course, if he didn't find any hint of alcohol I'd be accused of deliberately hiding it because I somehow "knew" he was coming. Ya can't win their game, can you?
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I did what I wanted re: drinking......AH#1 was mean...he would throw it at me and I would retort that I was not turning the entire neighborhood against me AND I was WORKING....
yea, he would make me mad and I can be very sarcastic and mean when angered.....
with AH#2 I did drink yea, I was not in recovery for MY alanon issues, and so the couple of beers was my way of self medicating my pain....I was lucky...with alcoholism in my family, I could have gone down that slope really easy.....
Now I don't touch the stuff hardly at all ...it is in my family, alcoholism, and I know I am addicted to chocolate , so why mess with it??? Alcohol has caused me so much pain, growing up, married, I now would rather just stay away from the crap....don't need the risk of addiction....don't need to mess myself up....I MAY on a rare occasion have a beer b4 dinner when I go out, but that will be it....
with addiction a big issue in this bio family, I don't need any more pain......
I never plan to hook up with another alcoholic so it won't be an issue ever again for me.....IF I find someone he better be real moderate, low drinker or I am GONE.....too much pain I suffered b/c of the stuff
just my take, please use what you can use and discard the rest.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I drink occasionally, mostly a glass of dessert wine like moscato that is low alcohol. I like the sweet fruity taste and it's nice and light for summer. I drink when I go out to dinner with friends and I hardly even finish a glass. And, sometimes, I pick up a small bottle to have at home if AH is traveling for work. Many times I don't even finish a bottle because I only have half a glass every so often. Basically, I drink when I'm in the mood, which is hardly ever now because AH is always on my case about being a hypocrite or does what Likemyheart said where he'll just accuse me of hiding it or whatever. It's a stupid conversation and not worth the effort and energy so it's jus easier for me to not drink. I think I have a healthy relationship with alcohol, but if I was told I had to give it up for the rest of my life, I'd say OK and get on with my day. Now, if someone told me that I had to give up bread or pasta until the day I died, I'd probably stomp my feet and throw a fit. I mean, who can live without a good pasta dish or pizza or sourdough loaf? I mean, come on.....
As to the interaction with your son, I realized that keeping it clean for my son's sake was worth it, too. Thanks for your share!
Now, if someone told me that I had to give up bread or pasta until the day I died, I'd probably stomp my feet and throw a fit. I mean, who can live without a good pasta dish or pizza or sourdough loaf? I mean, come on.....
or a triple cheese veggie pizza, its funny, I used to live near a whole foods market that had the best, organic choc. M&M's their brand and I was , i really think I have chocolate issues, b/c I would get into those things and eat till I was ready to burst.....now I don't live near a WF market and its just as well b/c the junk that is in the markets, w/all the GMO's and all, I don't have any desire for it......but those M&M's..It is sooo in my best interest that there is not a WF market near me anymore.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I don't drink..
!. It's a lot of work... It takes me all a few hours to drink a coke. I'll pour it about 4 pm and and 7:30 or so I will either finish it or pour the rest down the sink.
2. I just don't like what it does to my AH, something about it.
3. When I drink, my mouth opens and everything I've ever thought comes out of it.
And, my girls will give me a look if I even think about it. Something about the look on their face that makes me feel as if I am disappointing them.
Aloha Chika...good to have you back and good subject. I can't really participate cause I'm alcoholic. In relation to my exspouse she chased my drinking while I got pissed because she never caught it and just got smashed, lit, loaded, etc and the party ended quickly for all of us. In college I studied the chemical and its surrroundings...make up, history, romance, international affect, local affect and more. I studied the AMA definitions and explanations and many medical journals available. Did you know that the disease predates the life of the Christ by over 3000 years and that recently anthropologists have found evidence of alcohol and drugs in the hair of infants that were offered in sacrafice in the very early history of the East. One thing that still sticks with me is the meaning of the description of drunk..."intoxicated"; that means poisoned. What I've come away with for me and to bolster my own sobriety is that because of the length of its history and use we are very likely an altered species. Another thing is that it never has gotten better...it always gets worse. I'm blessed to have found Al-Anon against my own best thinking and MIP...I'm safer now. ((((hugs))))
Yeah...I'm not a big drinker. I don't think I've drank in um...4 years, 10 months, and 9 days. LOL.
On a serious tip: I love that this makes me more like you guys than a friggin lush...being a "zero drinker" makes me SOOOO much closer to the normal population. Of course when first getting sober, I thought it was a huge sacrifice. Nope. Now I am much more like you all (though of course I know I can't drink at all...ever).
I don't drink, see no point in it. I drank with my A's when they insisted early on, but never did much for me besides feeling sick the next day! So since it did nothing good for me I chose a long time ago to be the sober parent. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I don't drink much ever. Which isn't to say I never did. Social drinking with my AXH when I was younger, then didn't drink for years while having kids. Plus, somebody had to be sober and be responsible since the X never was, right? At the end of our marriage I tried to numb myself with alcohol for a little while but just made my depression/anxiety/migraines worse.
Short story long - it's too painful for me now as even a small amount starts a headache. In addition, I find that I don't want to be out of control of my own self anymore. Others will do what they do. I will occasionally try a sip of Bailey's or something sweet like that if my sister has some but she is very sensitive to the fact that my BF is an A and will not bring alcohol over anymore.
I think the "over reaction" of a child when the non-A parent has some alcohol is based on their fear that the non-A parent will become like the A parent.
I think it is a loving thing to consider your child's reaction to you drinking, too. He may or may not drink when he gets older - one never knows. But, if his concern concerns you - then choosing not to drink seems very kind to me.
Lots of interesting replies. Drinking - I could take it or leave it. Is it better for them to see a parent drinking responsibly (ie 1 or 2 at a time, not very often), or just not at all? Again, I could care less..... I hope and pray all the time that they will never become alcoholics.
Sometimes, if he wants to lower his guilt, he'll buy me a bottle of wine, too, in hopes that I'll drink with him (I never do). In fact, there's a bottle of wine in the refrigerator that has been there a month. Usually I'll open it when he is travelling - and nurse it along for awhile.....often throwing the end away.
Once, after a crazy long week last year (work stress), I actually drank a whole bottle of wine myself (first and last time) on a Friday night. He thought it was funny, and said "I should do it more often." He said it was "nice to see me loosen up". I think it makes him feel better about what he is doing.
Hi, Chicka. In my experience it doesn't matter if children see us drinking, not drinking. The number of drinks doesn't matter. What matters is whether or not the disease of alcoholism is in play and progressing. Could be your husband does feel better about his drinking when you do it. Ultimately, the most important thing to us who live with alcoholism is to get the help we need in Al-Anon. That is in our best interest and in our children's best interest, too.
