The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Oh lordy...my AH is coming home. He has been working 600 miles away for a month, and has decided he is "too homesick" to stay out there. He will work overtime on Saturday, then stop by a union hall to update his welding papers, then be home on Tuesday.
I am fighting very hard NOT to freak out. I don't know if I can handle this. I know he is still drinking. He has said so. He is spending money hand over fist at liquor stores, but couldn't be bothered to send me even a small gift for our anniversary earlier this month. On top of it, he wants to bring one of his "new buddies" with him, with the hopes that they will find a job together, only a few hours from home (this is very typical in his industry; guys often partner up in pairs and travel together from construction job to construction job). This guy lives about three hours from us (in the other direction from where they hope to get a job), and my AH wants him to stay with us on the weekends. The LAST time I agreed to something like this, my AH got a longtime buddy a job at the factory they both ended up working at until they were laid off in June. While that guy was in training, before he "officially" had the job, he stayed with us. My AH spent all his spare time hanging out with his buddy, drinking beer, and I spent MY money on groceries to feed this yahoo for 6 weeks before he got his own place.
I was expecting my AH to be gone for several months, maybe even through the winter, with visits home to see us once a month or so. I have used this past month to really try to focus on myself, and I just don't feel ready to be thrown back into the fire again. I was really, really hoping to make it 6 more months, when my financial situation will improve dramatically and I can afford to live on my own.
More Meetings, the Steps and HP will get you through this new development. Remember that repeating the same thing over and over again is defined as insanity.
More Meetings, the Steps and HP will get you through this new development. Remember that repeating the same thing over and over again is defined as insanity.
Keep coming back
I agree with hotrod here....meetings and more meetings....and the steps......and also DETACH from him, let it go....let him do what he has to do while you work on you, One of the slogans says "keep the focus on YOU"......there is a post here by Breakfree about "slogans" read it...meditate on it and just remember, he has to find his own path....you cannot do it for him.....I wouldn't worry about anything beyond ME and TODAY......ok??? keep coming back, this works....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
"God is" Stephanie...Everywhere and all the time. You can have that meditation if you like...it is sooo easy to hold on to for 24/7. You are not alone. "God is" with you and we are hanging out in your computer and in real life. Take care of the moment...the one you are in now with God and MIP and Al-Anon (gracious you're crowded!!) and look for the consequences you want for yourself. ((((Hugs))))
Hi, Stephanie. Lots of E/S/H here for you. As far as the buddy staying with you - since it is your home, too - can you tell your AH - "No. That won't work for me? I'm not up to roomies?" If you are okay with him staying with you, is there a reason why you believe you have to buy food for him, too? Just because your husband has chosen this way of life with others doesn't mean you have to finance it and his buddies need for food. Being true to yourself and to your limits might bring about a little flack from your husband because you aren't going along with his program, but that's minor in comparison to the flack you're going to get inside if you go against yourself.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 10th of August 2013 09:43:35 AM
I was recently told God is or He isn't .. for me God IS bigger than it all .. I do have choices. I hope you have a sponsor and are working the steps it makes a big difference.
Meetings, slogans, finding my voice in what is or is not ok for me, very huge steps that I have had to take and it's scary from time to time .. God is big and bigger than I can even imagine.
I'm still working to get on board with the whole love and acceptance thing .. it's not exactly working .. at least I don't feel so angry all of the time. It's more about the letting go stuff that I try to focus on.
Peace, love and a 2x4 sounds so much more appealing from time to time :/ LOL!
Anyway, hugs to you my friend, .. in situations where I am not sure sometimes it's best not to do anything until the time comes and I ask God to provide me with the words and the outcome for the highest good of all concerned.
P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
