The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
GIVE...but check my motives and make sure it is purely out of love and do NOT allow me to get used anymore.....do it w/my eyes open and sure...Its great to give, but when does Giving become enabling or being used??? I have really come far in this...
Love..Love is what makes the world go round for me...Love casts out fear, however love can be abused by the wrong people...I can detach w/love, meaning I love me too much to get absorbed in their drama, chaos, and abuse ..I love my daughters, but I have to love at a bit of a distance from one of them...My heart is precious..My love is a gift, not to be stomped on or abused.....I love with more wisdom now....I can love someone even tho I must keep a distance from them...I can love now w/out becoming enmeshed...I can love ME first and share that w/safe others..
Trust is a big issue for me...(no surprise) My trust was broken at such an early age, I will always be very slow to trust....betray me once and I may never be able to trust that person again....I can care for them, but I will not put me "out there" for them to betray again.....Not talking, here, about honest human fallibilities...I am talking about the deliberate mis use of a blessing------My trust.....it is slow to earn....and when lost, I can forgive and even reconcile with the other person but I will never trust the same, if at all.......
Listening to others does not mean being berated, yelled at, "force sell" Preached to or bullied....Listening to me means to hear their share, their take, their opinion, their boundary or their feelings, whatever.....I listen w/an open mind....sometimes I will say "let me think about this" or "gee can I get back to you later???" I don't have to respond or say anything if I don't want to AND, I don't have to "buy" what they are selling....I can, when its my turn, assert MY feelings/beliefs or whatever...No matter how long they "need the floor" if it is reasonable?? I will listen, but NEVER do I EVER, now since alanon, feel that I do not have a voice....Sometimes I go to meets and not say a word...my inner HP wants me to listen and filter out the "what does not work for me" embrace and or try what may work for me........Listening used to be "my getting bullied over w/no voice for me"....NOW listening means an equal exchange if needed OR my listening and making my own choices...sometimes my voice can be silent...I may just may "take what I want and leave the rest"....
I must say that during the many years of my life before program, I have read many sayings, and self help books. Even when I completely agreed with the concepts that were expressed I truly had no idea of how to implement them.
Entering alanon I was given a new set of tools that allowed me to find my voice, my Higher Power and myself . The Steps gave me the Faith in a Higher Power that provided me with the wisdom and courage to live by the principles of alanon. I am now able to Love , to trust, and to give without manipulation and expectations. What a gift
