The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Don't go in the basement - and yet - our curiosity leads us there if we let it. There is a part of me that always hopes - this time it might be different. If I don't go in the basement - then I wonder if I had - would it have been different? Then, I realize that there are other rooms to walk into - just like the one you chose - a room that is safe, nurturing and true. And you never have to wonder if it will be different this time. It's always the same. No drama. Just peace. No highs/lows. Just peace. We walk through the other room enough, we realize we like this a whole lot better and curiosity doesn't seem to get the best of us as often. (((Paris)))
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 5th of August 2013 07:31:19 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 5th of August 2013 07:31:50 PM
AH and I were doing better. Yesterday was a day like old times, we went for a drive, browsed at the flea market, went for a nice lunch, we laughed and held hands.
And then today he went to a morning meeting and was 2 hours late coming home. He did his usual routine, came in the back door and went straight to the basement. I know that means he is drunk or stoned or mad or itching for a fight. And what do I do? I go straight down the basement steps after him, asking where were you, why were you late....ugh! If this were a movie the audience would be screaming at me DON'T GO IN THE BASEMENT!!! But like the dumb girl in the horror movie I walk right into the monster's trap.
We argue, he storms out, calls me, threatens to kill himself, texts a few sarcastic texts which I ignore, he is gone for hours, and is now home again, hiding in the basement. Same old song and dance. I just ignored him and called my sponsor. This time, i am staying out of the basement.
Tomorrow will be better.
Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, that is exactly where I was when I found al-anon and it took me so much time for it to really sink in for me. It is about progress not perfection and now it is in your awareness and it is up from there. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Couldn't help but laugh at your comment about the audience yelling at you. It's so hard not to go down those stairs. My AH hung out there too. I remember before I figured out what was going on, I told him it was like he had turned into a troll that lived under the house. Hope things get better.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
Aloha Paris...good work...better metaphor for what's going on; "horror movie with screaming audience". You seem calmer and more confident than before and so I agree with Betty..."Progress not perfection". You got tools!! Yay!! Give your sponsor a hug from your MIP family. We're in this together and we're not going into the basement. That wasn't a failure it was an experience remembered. ((((hugs))))
Oh I like this! For me, it's usually when I'm in bed and I wake to loud music and decide to go out to the lounge and try to reason (it's 4am what are you doing have you drunk all of that scotch blah blah blah). From now on I'll try to imagine an audience yelling at me- "Don't go out there! Stay in bed where it's safe!" lol.
I hear lots of awareness in your share this is the first step towards change they say the 3 A's awareness acceptance then action. I am sure tomoz will be better and if not one day. Keep coming back.
Sometimes it is so hard not to react. I think I give myself kudos these days for not reacting but certainly I still do. This week someone who I really should not have spoken to really upset me. I really needed to address my expectations before speaking to him. Then I sent an email to a friend. Then I sent another email to the same friend.
I thin sometimes it is very hard to sit still and work through whatever it is. I think it is also very hard to look at what do we expect. I really get myself into terrible trouble when I expect people to change. I know they are not going to. Getting to the point where I can be realistic about what someone can offer is tremendously difficult.
