The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday my son graduated rehab all of his peers in the house (small facility-25addicts) each spoke to my son. First the counselors, all recovered addicts or alcoholics, who decided to make saving those like themselves a life goal.
My son upon release was there 30 days. So no other males had been there longer than him, the love they shared in their words of support was Godlike this was AS FAMILY. Here was how graduation went.
Tues thru Thurs ~~~~ my family (hubby,me,son,daughter)and 2 other addict families were counseled by a psychologist (32 year recovering alcoholic)
Tues- 4 hours counseling talking etc ~ He went to get the addicts and we were told DO NOT HUG THEM for Family letter day that all of you helped me with Each family read letter and addicts returned to facility.
Wed--4 hrs counseling putting everything on table and addicts came for 15 minutes to be honest about their drug and alcohol history to us. All families watched the other families and I had a spiritual break through
Thurs- 4 hrs counseling then we told the addicts what we will and will not tolerate. I told AS I would help him if he relapsed and was honest. His older police officer brother cried more than I have seen him cry in 10 years he told AB That if he relapses he is done. I knew I couldn't follow through with that so asked him to tell his dad and I
I realized how broken our family is- not irreparable but broken hubby read his own boundary letter and we had to say what we liked about our AS because as Dr said those were 3 empty human beings and had good qualities and needed to here this and there is ALOT I ADMIRE AND LOVE ABOUT AS
You could also asked for forgiveness
I did ~~~~ I was and still am a HARD CORE CO DEPENDENT and had yelled screamed and acted crazy when he got arrested SEVERAL TIMES said WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME- oh I apologized as soon as I would settle down
BUT MY MOM APPOLOGIZED TOO EVERY TIME SHE VERBALLY TORE INTO ME. I CAN NOT TELL YOU HOW SHE APOLOGIZED I CAN TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT SHE SAID WHEN SHE VERBALLY ABUSED ME- & I was just living not getting into trouble
So I feel really bad my AS 98% of the time is awesome. I also never respected any of his boundaries and always stirring the pot.
EMOTIONAL DRAINING IN A GOOD WAY. I KNOW ALL TOO WELL ABOUT HIGH RELAPSE BUT AS can come to us should it happen. I am detaching not unattacing from AS
I finished reading Co Dependent no more and realize that i am not sure how to detach I haven't called since he got out he called me as he got home and preceded to check 1 month of work emails and began to feel extremely overwhelmed he called his sponsor and he came right over.
30 CONTROLLED 24 HR DAYS~ I worried he would get sensory overload as no electronics in facility except a TV 20 men could watch 2 hrs a day.
I realize I am unsure what I feel. Wow I knew I was co dependent but I thought I had something inside on to the therapists and reading more self help books.
SO Alcoholic Son told THE DR IN front of GOD AND ALL THE FAMILIES THERE THAT HURT ME DEEPLY BUT IT WAS THE TRUTH AND I COULD LET GO.
The dr asked him drug history day ok if you start acting squirrelly and your family is concerned ~ can they come to you and say AS we are not saying you are drinking but you are acting the same way you did when you were drinking
AS SAID YES EVERYONE BUT MY MOTHER--- I was hurt angry and felt like I had been stabbed in the heart AS was very brave as normally he would not hurt my feeling it would have been so easy to say Yes and not call me out. See this would not have worked at a family meeting as I would of gotten defensive, I couldn't in that forum.
It wasn't till 3 hours later I got over my hurt and realized I always accused him of drinking I was out of control. I let go and a huge 100 lb rock got lifted off my chest.
I am working on me and not sure how I feel I have lived trying to control chaos and destruction for 7 years And 10 years with AS abusive Bio dad. I understand why the retreat was in that forum and I knew I have to deal WITH ALL MY STUFF NOW
Sounds like an amazing experience. Timely for me to read as it's family day at the rehab I just started working at and will be meeting with families all day today.
