The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I feel happy! This is so ironic! I am living the situation which in my thoughts would be a nightmare if I knew this was coming, but I actually feel good. Long story short. I live with my AH for 9 years, we have 2 kids, pregnant with the 3rd one. His sickness has been progressing especially this year. At this moment he is drinking for the 3-4 th day non stop and missing job. And this is the 3rd time in the last 3 months, which is a lot (he used to drink for 3-4 days once every 3 months, now it is once a month). I would be going crazy now, not able to focus, avoiding kids, crying, arguing, convincing, etc But this time I am feeling good and it is the greatest feeling. In addition to all, my mom doesnt live with us and never knew about this issue, because I was always afraid to tell my parents about it in the past, and long distance was a huge help. My family was not alcoholic, but I always lived under big pressure to be perfect, the main role played my mom. She wanted me to deserve her love by grades and achievements, I could never share my feelings with her up until now. She is currently visiting us and staying in our house for 2 months. A couple of weeks ago we had an argument where I told her everything I felt before, and I felt like she partly understood it but still not all, though I let it out of my chest for the first time in my life. And this week my mom witnessed my husbands drinking problem to the worst extend, so there is no illusion of a perfect family she thought I had. Now I have nothing to hide from her and it feels great! She didnt criticize, didnt judge, she supported me and offered her prayers! This is the best feeling ever! I am still sad seeing my husband suffering with his alcoholism. But I now feel in control of my life! We left my AH home yesterday drinking and went shopping with children and my mom, I enjoyed every bit of it! I enjoyed spending time with my kids so much, I love my husband a lot but I was not worried about him as I would before. I know I still have a lot to work on, but I feel great I found this forum and books. I just give up all the control of the situation and let the God guide me. I was living at the moment, changing only what I could, not taking responsibility for others. And God helped me to resolve my relationship with my mom. It is not perfect now, but it is not a burden anymore. I am greatfull to God, I am even greatfull to my AH that he exposed himself and I had to face it with my mom, and I am greatful to my mom for accepting me the way I am))) Just wanted to share)))
What a wonderful feeling! ONce I learned to let go of my old behaviors I also felt happy with my life. One thing for me was acceptance. I accepted that he was na alkie and nothing I did would make it better or worse. I am also happy.
For now, you are feeling more at ease and I am glad...it gives you a taste of something that is so pleasant that one wants more. I have learned (the hard way) that I have to keep working my recovery program even when things are going well, because there are always times when stuff happens. I have more resilience when I stay in my conversations of recovery. (((hugs)))
Thanks sooo much Venera for that uplifting share. A miracle in progress shared by you and your Mom. I remember having a share like that with my Mom and tho at the moment she seemed to be with it with me I found out later that it was for her like having to eat spinich as a kid was for me....yuuuuuk. Still she did the review with me and later on we were closer than we had ever been in the past. Good for you and your Mom and family....Happiness is an inside job (Al-Anon slogan) and you did your insides good. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
I'm so glad the secrets are out now and you are feeling freer than just a few weeks ago. It works if you work it and I see you have let it begin with you!
