The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Things certainly can take a huge change in just 24 hours .. it's why I'm learning not to make any rash decisions and just wait until whatever I'm feeling emotionally passes and I can take a look at something in a more detached way. When in doubt don't .. and that qualifies for me to mean when any kind of emotional, mental or physical distress it's ok to wait (the only time that is not true is if someone is in physical danger and an action has to take place). Most of the time I can choose to wait to make a decision and just do the foot work. I'm lucky .. thankfully my detachment from the situation is both physical and visual .. that helps. I have great admiration for people who can detach and live in the situation .. it just wasn't for me.
Yesterday was a fact finding day and boy .. did I find out a lot of facts. God guided some earth angles my way and that has helped a great deal. Today .. I will act upon those facts.
I'm not sure who on the site is dealing with a restraining order OR an order of protection .. basic guidelines that I just went with because it made logical sense to me. This is how I think .. which .. I don't know if this is a positive thing, a control issue, character defect or just common sense .. this is how I think in general .. if I ruled the world .. people should be scared .. lol.
Always carry a copy of your order with you. I actually carry a note book, spiral bound with ALL court paperwork in it. It sits in my backseat so that I can grab it and pull out whatever is necessary. The deputies have laughed at me in a good way when I go ohhh yes .. copy of the order here you go. It actually makes their job soooo much easier. They are relieved and realize that this is very serious to me. I'm not making random calls causing random drama.
Always know the address of where your kids are .. I know that sounds completely like a moronic thing for me to say .. in my panic literally .. I couldn't tell you my own date of birth forget about the address where the kids were PLUS .. I'm thinking what the hell .. what do you mean a 911 dispatcher can't find the address on an OP?! That to me should be listed so when someone says .. I have an OP out on so and so it should pop up with my information. Again this is how I think .. it's not how the rest of the world thinks.
Yes .. I have insane thoughts during crisis .. so now that is written on a slip of paper that is taped to my visor of my car, with his birthday, his current address, my birthday, kids birthdays and so on .. anything I couldn't remember that evening .. that was a horrible feeling. I was crying driving down the road going to pick my kids up and literally I couldn't tell you what I was wearing I was in such high stress mode. People who know me would be like ohhh .. no way ... then that's usually followed by oh crap .. this is BAD.
It helps to know the area of where the kids are, we had a safety plan in terms of an emergency pick up. They understand what course of action to take if their dad has been drinking.
There are a couple more conversations we will have to have about confronting a drunk .. it's unnecessary given the circumstances.
Children have no voice and no choice in these situations .. so trying to walk a fine line in giving them that voice to say what they feel, how they feel and then allowing that to be ok .. it's not easy. Especially considering I would like to throttle their dad for even having to have these conversations with our kids. It is what it is and I just try and remember that at least they are learning they have a voice .. they are learning they have choices .. they are learning they may be powerless over addiction they are not helpless.
Some days I'm not in a good place. Thank goodness for sponsors, .. I'd be a hotter mess than I have been over the past few weeks without mine and she is so funny. It reminds me that it's ok.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I, too, need to sit tight until I come to a more centered place. It is hard to do in the midst of chaos... I am a person of action, yet, I need to wait before I take action sometimes. You sound like you have thought things through and are well prepared in case you have to take action in the midst of expected chaos. I don't know what happened as I was away for a few days, but you seem to have it handled as best as you can and are using your recovery tools. What a great role model you are for your kids. It hurts us when they are exposed to so much trauma. They have good practice in resilience when we are healthy enough to walk them through these times. ((hugs))
You inspire me. Here you are in a completely stressful situation, and your reaction to having zapped out on the phone is to prevent it in the future. You are so concrete in the information you will need at your fingertips. You have escape plans for many scenarios with your children. Can you pause and pat yourself on the back? I am.
Crap. Sometimes our situations just stink...no two ways about it. Silver lining? I teach college...and the kids who have experienced REAL adversity in their lives tend to be much better problem solvers than the kids who have lived in mommy and daddy's bubble and care...
I always have a hard time when my kids are with their Dad. He tends to be tempery and fly off the handle...and his short-term memory seems to be iffy at times...I am lucky in that my kids are older (17 and 11) but it's tough to have REAL conversations about their Dad's behavior and their safety without "trashing" their Dad. Tough line to walk. I know their Dad loves them to the best of his ability. I just want the kids safe...They are stuck with advocating for their own safety...and I suspect the 17 year old might protect his little brother..but I doubt he would call me, for fear of causing trouble between me and his Dad.
OY.
You will get to the other side...it's just like DANG! why does it have to take so long!
I have a restraining order on a boy that is not supposed to come near my daughter and low and behold there he was on his bike right in front of my apartment complex no where near his house, hmmmm. I understand I have no control over people who are not mentally healthy and that they will do what they will do, but I will continue to keep us safe at all costs. Keep up the great program sister friend! Keep up the good work in the heat of it! Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
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" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
