Mind, Body, Spirit and Emotions... - Al-Anon Family Group

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Mind, Body, Spirit and Emotions...

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Jerry. I don't know the details of this assault or what happened to you as a result of it. So, if my E/S/H is out of line with what you say you're wrestling with, please know that I'm open to correction. My desire is to help you release what you state you know is troubling you. I'm also not a man, so my E/S/H comes out of my feminine experience with injustice and I'm still open to correction.

Two stories: I was on a date with a man one night that I had known for some time. We went to his apartment to pick something up. I trusted him. When the door closed, he grabbed me and tried to force himself on me. I started to fight him but knew I was totally vulnerable - nobody would hear me and not his match physically. He was going to rape me. Something in me said, "Relax." Relax was the last thing I thought I could do, but I did. My whole body went limp. Then, from somewhere deep within me came these words: I know that you lost your wife. I know that you lost your only son. I know that the grief within you is so deep that you can't talk about it, feel it, express it and it is killing you. The man released his hold on me and broke. He sobbed until all the grief in him was spent. I did what I knew HP in me led me to do and that was to comfort him with words that I no longer remember. We formed a bond of two equals on this earth - each with their own stories of humiliation, rejection, abandonment, torture and whatever else we had both experienced as part of the human condition. He took me home that night. I gained an understanding of aggressive men and the power of HP within me. He gained an opportunity to be known and to let go of his macho mask that hid a broken heart. There was no need for forgiveness. We were the same - human.

I stood at my 16 year old son's guerney. His neck in a brace. His eyes closed. His body flailing. Looking like he would awaken any minute. He didn't. He was in a coma. He might never wake up. His brain might swell. His brain was registering very low on the (El Rancho?) scale. I looked at my son. Blond hair. Healthy body. Never to have the life he could have had because another 17 year old boy had run him down purposely in a truck. I stood at that guerney and I could feel the rage and the hatred and the desire for revenge rise up in me. I wanted to leave that hospital and find that boy and drag him back to see what he had done to my son. I wanted him in prison. I wanted him to lose the potential he had like my son had probably lost his. It took everything I had to stand at that guerney and not go into the night to get that boy. But, HP whispered within me. "Your purpose is to be here with your son." The event was so traumatic to me - especially watching my son when he awoke 6 days later try to find the floor with his legs -looking like a rabbit whose hind legs had been injured severely - feeding him - and the rest of the details of brain healing too awful to mention considering your triggers - to this day I cannot remember the name of the boy who hit him.

Several years after my son's accident, when all that he could have been and done was gone because of the resultant brain damage, and after his first prison stint - I looked for the accident at the library to get the name of the boy who hit him. I found it. He no longer lived in the City where the accident occurred. I wrote a heartfelt letter and let him know what his actions and done to my son and sent it to two locations - one on the east coast and one on the west coast. One came back. The other I don't know if it was the right person. Then, I forgot his name again. All the resentment towards him is gone. Only the trauma remains. My purpose in life is not to bring people to justice - although sometimes I have been asked to do so - or even to forgive them. My purpose in life is to believe that HP will give me the words and the guidance I need to do His will and not my own.

None of us know, Jerry, the secret terrors or wounds in the heart of another person. But, as recovering people, we do know that HP knows what we have suffered and why and he will put it all to good use in this life if we allow it. What is your purpose, Jerry? Is it to judge another human being - regardless of their behavior - or is it to let HP be Love in you in the way you were made to live it out? And this question I ask is a question that is posed to me often by my HP - not one I need answered. Yet, it is a question that I think might contain a help to you to release you from your interior discomfort. (((J)))

-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 28th of July 2013 08:14:09 PM

-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 28th of July 2013 08:54:23 PM

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

my early sponsorship worked me and had me practice understanding the disease and recovery on these levels. My elder sponsor gave me a serious caveat that I took as a warning the first time I heard it...it was said so seriously and I knew work on it was going to be higher learning. "Unless you are recovering on all four levels...all at the same time...you are not recovering"!! My first reaction was "I'm doomed" and the next "I won't live thru this program"...eventually I would arrive at "What does recovering on all 4 levels all at the same time even feel like"? and so I turned over the other side of my leash to my sponsor and ask him "Teach me". He never got it perfect either and I learned from his "down" times watching him do an Al-Anon relapse and that helped me understand my own. Those period of time where the serenity slips thru my fingers and hands while I scramble soooo hard not to let it.

"All levels are attached to each other" he explained. If you are out of balance emotionally it will take your mind with it and dump your spirits (intentions and motivations) and physically you will crash. If you are out of balance mentally you will be out of reality and your mind will feed you back perceptions which have no basis in reality...you will scramble and make mistakes; your emotions and spirit and body have no other choice but to react imappropriately. Then the body; starve it, tire it out, over stress it, over feed it, feed it the wrong stuff, don't take care of it and you all ready agree how the rest of your system will respond to you and any need you have. Your spirit...your intentions and your motivation...that which drives you to overall balance and health...that which points you at the consequences you would like to have for yourself and your soulness; direct it total selfishness or extreem selflessness and it will seccumb and take the other levels with it...living your life as you ought...to its highest purpose will cease and you will fall back to that place which caused you to seek out the program in the first place and with even more anxiety.

I am focused strongly on this lesson because my recovery is rocky at the moment. Mentally and emotionally I am gravitating toward revenge and resentment. Some one of us spoke of this the other day and it was a poke in my complacency and appathy then. I knew then what was going on. Physically I am not in best shape for reasons outside of my control and because I have not done the best I could with what I had then. The physical relapse is a siren I best return to longer meditation and deeper relaxation. I practice psyco-cybernetics as a therapy and have done so for years and have enjoyed at times some unbelieveable and witnessed healing and now...I resort to apathy and complacency...even as I know there is no value in it. Mentally it is easier to go back to my album of the past when I fought everyone and everything...I go back to the power of adrenalin, loudness, manipulation and threats and arrogance. Spiritually I'm not of much use to myself, others and especially my Higher Power. I haven't been looking for happiness...I've been looking for the power of being right...that ancient trophy I fought for when I was born into this disease...it has never graced my mantle.

The day before yesterday in a meeting with a lawyer who I asked to legally sponsor me while on this journey toward seeking compensation for the police assault he told me clearly "get rid of the resentments first". From my sponsor "the opposite of resentments is forgiveness", from inside my earliest personality to the program, "I'll be damned if I will forgive them...I would rather ________, (add your own aggression). At my home meeting this morning I heard another member speak of finding empathy and compassion inspite of his own need for fulfillment...and I want to cry in frustration because I am out of balance with it for the moment. In my family of orgin compassion and empathy was a sign of weakness and an invitation to be set upon...I know you understand because you understand how the disease works also.

I'm back at the promise of my first meeting...."If you keep and open mind, you will find help". What ever ESH you can offer will be gratefully appreciated.

Mahalo. ((((hugs)))) furious

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Isnt it amazing how sometimes your HP speaks thru other people.

You can't carry the resentments and rage and revenge for long. It takes up too much energy. Also releasing all that is
for you, not for the other party. I have a little problem with the word "forgiveness". My emotions toward what I feel as an
injustice toward me, really has nothing to do with the other party's involved.

So in my letting go, the ill will toward them is gone. I just pray to my HP that justice be done.

You are not out of balance Jerry, you couldnt have written such a post if you were. You are very aware and its ok and doing great.

Hugs, Bettina

MeTwo2 · ~*Service Worker*~

wondering what step you are on and if you have done them in order with your sponsor. Depending on where you are in the steps, it could make a difference. I know for me I had to get out of my intellect and relearn many things. There were So many confused messages through the years. Mind, body, spirit. When I bring my body to the meeting, and share what's in my mind, my spirit begins to heal. There are of course many other ways to look at something, but It was a relief for me to begin to recognize how much I truly needed to hand my life over to hp because I was powerless to change control cure the alcoholic and I was powerless to do the same with me (my own distorted thinking). I needed to begin to really open up from the heart and then the wisdom came. For me I always thought step 2 was Just about me. Today I am looking and seeing the flip side is how much do I believe in my higher power's abilities. Do I truly believe God can heal this or work through it? ; how capable is he/she, etc.. 3 made a decision to turn our life and will over to the 'care of our God as we understand Him, etc.. Even in this, I am seeing, it's easier to turn it over as I begin to understand Him more and His abilities. I'm sharing on fear tonight and in my own pain, however, even though I may post later for clarity and hopefully more wisdom, etc.. It's been through this painful place I'm in that's helped me begin to see it, etc.. we're all right where we are supposed to be just for right 'now. I find that so true. Where I am (in my thinking) is just another step in the learning. For me there's a reading I read recently on forgiveness on how fortunately in alanon, the people don't just 'talk about recovery, etc.. they offer me a plan of action called the 12 steps. The steps Together are what lead us toward forgiveness. it's all such a process, not an event. I grew up believing we were just somehow supposed to say it mean it just like that (another quick fix that doesn't truly exist) .. Recognizing today lip service is just another defect in the many times baffling disease of alcoholism and its effects. I also have to remember that there is only one authority in alanon; a loving God as he may express himself through our group conscience. Sometimes I think what am I doing wrong, am I not praying or working hard enough ? well I'm absolutely doing the work; I just have to remember the outcomes, however, are in God's hands.

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't mind my body because my spirits and emotions are in good health! Jerry thanks for this, it speaks to me of something that has been kicking in my mind more and more recently - time to start taking better care of the one thing I've let slide - my body. Since the last time A stormed out, that time never to return, my journey back towards wholeness has been 3 years in the making and I've stated several times - usually to diet pushers - that I wasn't ready to worry about how I look because I was still working on healing worse things going on with me. Truth be told, I gratefully ascertained and even embraced the fact that my body weight keeps men at bay which is a good thing because I am not ready to handle the attentions of men. I'm still not thrilled to consider having any in my life but getting out of breath when walking and approaching 53 doesn't suit me well at all. And, another truth be told, I am kind of missing the energetic cute me that turned heads.... I miss my clothes!

Through the last three years I have though, felt grateful to accept, that changing my body weight was something that I could accept as something I could not change - do I have the courage to change it now? Is it time? We will see. But I do understand that without my mind, spirit and emotions firmly intact, I cannot even consider fixing the body; I cannot fix one part of me without the other parts involved or the fix will not take. I can lose weight, but without the cooperation of the other three parts, it won't stay lost because the balance needed isn't there.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I learned at some point in my recovery I could not really love others until I loved myself, when I learned to take good care and love myself I then could really forgive myself warts and all and then I could forgive others for their warts they grew up with too, I was better able to understand and have compassion even for the people who abused me as a child, because they came from it and knew no better at the time. I had to forgive predators just a week or so ago and humble myself again. I humbled myself graciously on all fours to my HP (GOD) and wanted to show his love, his forgiveness and his compassion for the imperfect human beings we are for myself and everyone else. I know you have it in you and I know you have showed it to me and so many others on this board without judgement. I am sending you so much love, prayers and support!

Peggy7 · ~*Service Worker*~

My precious friend, the story I'm about to share with you happened approximately 38 yrs ago with my oldest son a mere infant, (both of my baby boys suffered colic) each cried every single night for months. The husband who needed his sleep became very irate that his sleep was once again being disturbed. Exhausted, emotionally, physically at my wits end I was at first very angry that this babies father was shouting at me to fix something I had absolutely no control over. I only knew to hold and rock and comfort my baby against me for warmth and to keep him in an upright position. Sounds simple but being totally exhausted myself I rocked with eyes closed, tears streaming and mumbled a pray for strength to endure what seemed yet another unbearable night until the infant would outgrow his immature digestive system...while rocking and inwardly praying I felt a soft warmth on my right shoulder, comforting me, relaxing me, I knew without looking it was the manifestation of my HP's great love and reassurance that "this too shall pass" "I will carry you while you are weak" was the message I felt within my very soul and to this day I know I experienced a miracle. The anger and disappointment melted away it was nonexistent, what was important was the knowing I was in the right place and the right time doing the right thing to stay in perfect alignment with my creator and I was being rocked through the experience. Years later I don't recall the months of tears or sleepless nights, what I do recall is the profound example of just keep doing the right thing and when all else fails direct it to the one that carries us all through this thing called life.

tortuga · Senior Member

Thank you Jerry...really needed to read your post today.
Sorry no ESH....my serenity slipped away today.
Experience is there...of relapse...today..so i think i know i will get out of it bit faster than usual. i experienced inner happiness through meditation, so I got a little view on what it should feel like in the long run....and for me that means practice practice practice.
Strength is there, but i somehow choose not to see it and grasp it today, other than coming here and read these posts today.. But i see it in you and others here, which makes me follow.
Hope...you just gave it to me, offering a different perspective, getting Mind, Body, Spirit and Emotions back together again, knowing what to focus on...am eating right now, will rest soon, will meditate, and keep away from emotionally unbalanced things and people for some time. That means discipline...trying acknowledge my fears but not to take it too serious. Making plans for the future helps me right now.
Thanks for being and sharing.

Jozie · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((((((My Brother Jerry F))))))))))))))))

First I Must Say! Please don't think me Off My Rocker, But Your Spirit is Currently Running Wild In My Recovery... And For What Ever Reason, I am led to Share this With you :)

The Spirit of the Hummingbird is a Powerful means to Lighten up your mood when you Feel Down. This Power Animal is a useful ally to Lift you up and Instill More Joy & Playfulness in your daily grind.

When Facing Challenges or an Environment Plagued by negativity, Call on the Hummingbird to Help you bring a Positive Outlook on the situation and Find Your Way out with Optimism.

Dont be deceived by the size of this spirit animal: Even if the Hummingbird is one of the smallest birds, it can travel great distances. Those who have that bird as totem are characterized by their resiliency and their ability to run great distances tirelessly. Inspired by this totem, you will be inclined to accomplish what seems impossible to most while Keeping it Light and Enjoyable.

The Hummingbird is known for burning a lot of energy quickly to keep flying and therefore needs to find sources of food constantly. If you have the Hummingbird as a totem, you may benefit from Resting Often and Taking Time to Feed Yourself with Enough, whether its Physically, Emotionally or Spiritually, To Keep Going!!!

And Now the Reason Leading to it ;)

This Past Weekend, I Went to our Camp on the River, and I had Many things Pulling me in Many differant Directions My Gram's Stroke, Seeing her Cry in Depression & Loneliness While i was away for a Week, My Husbands Stuggles on his Up coming Retirement, and owning our own Business for 25yrs, and wondering what will come of it in todays Economy, and so on so forth...

But Regardless of Where I am, I always Travel my Recovery Family with me... And You Sir, have Front row Seat in My Boat :)

The Spiritual Awakening...

My Husband & Son Went Night Fishing, which left me at Camp with My Pups, as I'm sitting at the table with a deck of Cards to pass the time, and relax, a Hummingbird Comes to my Window on my Right, and just buzz's there for maybe 10seconds, and as I watch him flutter a Peace comes across my Heart, a Blessing Persay! as he goes, I follow him with my Eyes, and he goes to the Window Behind me & Does the Same... confuse

Later that Evenning, Just before Dark, I decided to go out and Enjoy the Weather, and walk around the property, and just take in ALL of Gods Blessings, and AGAIN... The Hummingbird comes within 5 feet of my Head, and Flutters for several seconds, and goes off, and still the Spirit of "Relief" covers my Spirit!

So My Guys come home, and the Next Day I'm at Camp sitting Outside telling my Son of this Hummingbird, and I said "I Just wish I knew what it was trying to tell me..." and within Moments, Here it Came Right at me! And again, My Son as Witness, It gets with in 5 feet of my Head, and just buzz's for a bit... And Leaves... So It has my Full attention...

After Returning from Camp, I Go see my AGram as I do Every Sunday after I drop my Son off at Soccer, and My Visit with her was a Pleasent one, and I Head to my F2F Meeting... (Now Me at a Meeting, I Doodle, I Draw what ever is in my Heart or in front of me... Please Note, I'm By NO Means a Good Drawer but it Relaxes me & Opens my Ears to Hearing the Shares & Feeling HP) So Last Night On the Table is about 6 Forum books, and I Look at the Covers of them all, and for what ever Reason I Gravitate to "Oct 2012" So I Turn it Over, and on the Back is the Most Beautiful Hummingbird with a Quote that says, "Learn to Give without Expectation & Learn to Receive without Guilt" When I Look at the Picture it says Under it, "Photo By: JERRY F" Now I Can't say YOU Took the Picture, (But wouldn't be Surprized ;) However I Can Say that MY HP, Wanted me to Share this With you! The Reason, I Can't Say, Nor do I Question, But I Know that in My Heart, You Will Hear what You need too... Cause thats how HP Works for me!

Let Me Also Note that Last Nights Sharing Topic was: What is the Differance between Self Pity & Grief, How, do we Recegnize the Differance in the two... WONDERFUL Shares... And Really Helped me with some things I too was Struggling with, but again this morning, I was Brought to Share this with you...

So this Morning I Looked UP the Spirit of the Hummingbird, and for what ever reason the Quote Above (Top of Post) Pulled tord you! BEFORE I read your Post!!!! What the Odds Your Share would be of "Mind, Body & Spirit of Emotions" Whats the Odds of Any of this? For Me It is HP Sharing Our Journeys, and Showing Me! HP is Everywhere, Even if we are On Differant Islands, we still Share the Same Journey!

Lifting You In Prayers, and Hoping The Spirit of the Hummingbird, will Carry You thru this Next Feat!

Much Love & Healing to You My Brother...

Thanks for Being here, and Being so Open to Sharing ALL of Yourself with us... I am Grateful, ALWAYS

Jozie

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Bettina wrote:
I have a little problem with the word "forgiveness". My emotions toward what I feel as an
injustice toward me, really has nothing to do with the other party's involved.

So in my letting go, the ill will toward them is gone. I just pray to my HP that justice be done.

You are not out of balance Jerry, you couldnt have written such a post if you were. You are very aware and its ok and doing great.

Hugs, Bettina

I, too have a problem with the word 4giveness..to me it meant "what they did was ok"....NO, it was NOT ok what they did and the 4giveness does not say that it was ok...it just means letting go the hate/resentment, making my peace with ME and my PAIN and letting go...and, of course, it does not mean the other is ever welcome in my life again.....I just keep seeing me letting it go..(resentment) casting the burden...and I fonly I have to say "I am WILLING to cast this burden of resentment onto my Highest Power within and I go FREE to feel peace within" or words to that affect.....I agree with Bettina...U wrote such a beautiful post, I see more balance in your thinking than maybe you do, my reading your post shows a lot of balance

I meditate when immersed w/anger and resentments...I had some horrendous things done to me, but I chose even if only choosing to be willing.....willingness can be worked on...my mind is open...wiling...teachable when I am willing.....even when I can't quite make the commitment to LET GO...(I dont' like the word 4giveness , really) bit I CAN and AM willing to cast the burden of hate/resentment/revenge and willing to let it go to karma.....being willing is enough....my higher self can work on that

take care Gentle ((((HUGS))))

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

WOW, Grateful, that was awesome!!!!! I admire your attitude....I struggle daily to give up the hate/resentment towards my attacker.....I so want to let it go....to spend that energy loving me....

program will help me b/c I am willing.....willing ot give it over to karma and walk away......take care of me

thank you for your powerful message

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

hotrod wrote:

I too have difficulty with idea of "Forgiveness; Since working the Steps I am always able to release the resentment and anger because I see how they hurt me and no one else. That worked for me with many issues. I honestly could never "forgive" some of what I have experienced but I could let go of the anger. Letting of the need for revenge gave me the ability to choose a constructive action that ensured that I would be heard and that my needs satisfied.
I hear the 3 As so clearly Awareness,Acceptance and the action will follow. As you have shared before Ask HP where he wants you and then to put you there. "
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 28th of July 2013 07:54:22 PM

Dear Betty, I think this is my answer along w/the other posts....I have struggled b/c these religious people telling me "i got to 4give* I think forgiveness is waaay over rated...I CAN release the resentment and anger...for me..I can do it for me.....and I must be honest w/me....Some crimes are just unforgivable...but I am WILLING WILLING to give up the anger and resentment and desire for revenge....I am aware of this...I accept this about me, and with meditation to release the hate/revenge/resentment I CAN turn it to constructive action

I REALLY REALLY REALLY needed this thread, Jerry....Thank you, my good recovery mate, for starting this.........PEACE be with you....

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