The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi Rose, and y'all... I wanted to talk about the illness- it came up on another thread but belongs here... to be honest as i cast my eyes across this board- as wave after wave of people come forward with their ESH. It is daunting, and raw... I admire those of you who respond day after day...
I talk to stuff which i think is relevant to me. i try to add a bit here and there... sometimes i get engaged with the issue- it strengthens me.
Rose- I don't think anyone will ever get to the bottom of the illness. I have tried and, to be honest my mind wanted to work it out and solve it. And so, I guess I become a part of the illness too.
The way my higher power is sitting- my beliefs, makes that ok. Getting involved is what gets me by.
Living away down under I have heard speakers from North America- smooth, erudite, or so it seems.
On reflection I think these people are on holiday- and as visitors, on show, so the really give it their best shot!
But I summoned up a 'turn of phrase' which I could use in the USA as a larger meeting if I was asked to off my ESH. This phrase, oft rehearsed, goes something like this:
"Ah went fraam the paralysis of analysis to an attitude of gratitude."
And so it has come to be- I do manage to experience joy and gratitude for what i have at least some of the time. Well, to be honest, right now, just for the opportunity to speak here!
I think there is time to discuss and analyse the source of our pain and sorrow. The illness that runs through families. That wrecks lives. That destroys hopes and dreams...
...and especially here online, from the comfort and security of our own den. To have our voice heard without really interrupting... its a great gift!
I guess i learned to focus my anger and rage at the illness and not the person. But i did not want to be angry 24/7.
Having a chance to share takes me away from that for a moment. I have a letter here to post- a birthday card. Another step.
But i do want to push the boundaries, and learn more... I want to do that gently, with deep respect. I want my anger, and my passion for anger to be channelled, to be harnessed...
"Ah went from the paralysis of analysis to an attitude of gratitude."
Hi David
I have heard that saying very often and have really accepted and used it as one of the alanon principles that I practice and embrace in my daily life . Another favorite of mine is "Utilize and do not analyze ".
I truly believe that the alanon program knows our Alanon disease so very well. The Steps, the Slogans, the meetings, the readings have all been developed to enable us to stop practicing our destructive tools in trying to live our lives. I always thought If I "figured it all out" (my sponsor always told me Figuring it out was NOT an alanon slogan) or completely" UNDERSTOOD 'the ISSUES I could change them and have the power over them that I so desperately sought .
Alanon came along and gave me slogans and tools that shattered these beliefs and to the extent that I practice them I recovered.
I too appreciate the power of this Message Board and the ability we all have to be heard without judgment and criticism. Like an alanon meeting I believe it is important to respect another's opinion and allow them the ability to share without cross talk or contradiction.
You are a powerful member of this group and I appreciate you wisdom.
"Ah went fraam the paralysis of analysis to an attitude of gratitude."
God David...I could laugh till I wet my pants reading that...I'm from a small group of islands in the Pacific and got into recovery in Central Valley CA. which had a very strong western dialect and attitude. They had a ton of "sayings" like this one and because I didn't understand on any level at that time I thought the sayings triteful and not helpful. "They are showing off and being arrogant" was what I could come up with then...until I came to understand that I was the newbie and the foreigner. I gritted my teeth often and stayed the course because I was getting help in between my reactions and then found the sponsorship which would smooth off my edges. "I'm in such seriously bad shape I use to think, why are they so screwing with my mind"? I came to understand how important "keep coming back it works when you work it" was. I followed thru. I love the share and I relate. Mahalo ((((hugs))))
DAVID....I think there is time to discuss and analyse the source of our pain and sorrow. The illness that runs through families. That wrecks lives. That destroys hopes and dreams...
...and especially here online, from the comfort and security of our own den. To have our voice heard without really interrupting... its a great gift!
I guess i learned to focus my anger and rage at the illness and not the person. But i did not want to be angry 24/7.
Having a chance to share takes me away from that for a moment. I have a letter here to post- a birthday card. Another step.
But i do want to push the boundaries, and learn more... I want to do that gently, with deep respect. I want my anger, and my passion for anger to be channelled, to be harnessed...
thanks y'all for the chance to be heard...
DavidG.
I always hated the person, LOL....I never saw him as having an illness, but stone evil.....I think he was a sociopath w/narcisstic tendencies and I will go to my grave knowing that.....he was like that AZ woman who recently got convicted of stabbing her EX B.F. almost 30 times and had ZERO remourse....
so what do ya do with that????? I think forgiveness is waaaay overrated.....YES...a human mistake??? Sure...IF they own it....accept it....take responsibiliyt.......make amends??? NO worries.....but if they smirk and are not sorry, and attack the victim b/c "nothing is ever their fault" and they don't care????? NOOOO not even close.....HOWEVER....I have made the decision to release release from me, the hate/resentment/desire for revenge to help ME...its for ME...its to love ME......
compassion??? for evil??? NO...Can't do it.......they had a choice.....I never ever went out and destroyed a child's life for my own wicked desires......It could never enter my mind to harm ANY living creature.......compassion for his Possible past pain, which I did research on his life and found NO abuse....average family.....his siblings were FINE...average people...imperfect but loved their wives an children.......no....this offender was just BAD.....so what do I do with that???? yea, I am aware.....I accept it as it is.....this is what happened....this is what he was and what he did......so WHAT do I DO to HELP me???? continue the ill will??? NO...that hurts me.....Curse his memory and his spirit???? No..that hurts me....
so TODAY...I am WILLING to relese....to give over.....to cast the burden off me of any hate, resentment and desire to curse this entity and give him and his punishment over to karma and FINALLY I am WILLING to put his memory in a trashbag and DUMP it along with the rest of the garbage.........
I never bought into the "devil made me do it" even a drinker or drugger....they won't do what is NOT already WITHIN them....If they are not a wife beater, they won't do it drunk....if they are not a cheater, they won't do it drunk..........the alcohol only removes the inhibitions or fear of doing what is already WITHIN thier soul........Someone more experienced that I told me that and I had heard it before and I belive it....
JUST sayin...my take.....Thank U David for bringing this up......
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Hi Rose, and y'all... I wanted to talk about the illness- it came up on another thread but belongs here... to be honest as i cast my eyes across this board- as wave after wave of people come forward with their ESH. It is daunting, and raw... I admire those of you who respond day after day...
