RM...do your recovery for you only and only for the reason that you will in time (one day at a) be happy with you.  There isn't anything that isnt acceptable and loving about you and then you are the one that has to discover what we already know.  Take your time...get a better sponsor than you have in a husband and miracles will happen.   In support with (((((hugs))))) 

Lets start off with the positive note. I went to a meeting last night and found my higher power. It was In a form of ppl in al alone they were my power . I found some one in my meeting that was a mirror imagine . Some one who I connected with. I got a positive feed back from the meeting last night and woke up with a great day went out for breakfast with my ah sober 9 . I was telling him about my meeting and how I made a friend and then . My husband asks me if he could have a female friend at Aa to hang out with , go hiking and play pool with since I'm not ready to recieve his all better recovery . That's was a extra smack in the face to me.. Recap my trust has been shattered from him from lies and affair and invasion of privacy way beyond of a compulsive controlling behavior .. To me honestly I would not of told him something like this . That just set me back in my recovery knowing that there are options out there for him to chose . It puts me on the burner to hurry up get better to let him move back in the house or he will find some one else healthy at his 9 month recovery.. Before he told me about this potential friend he made it known to me he is lonely and wants a friend and needs to move on with me or with out me and stated right now he lost that feeling with me.. Thank god he told me about this at my special dr he found for me to help me get over my past and get better faster.. So our life will get on.. Sorry but I'm not taking it QTIP way! Some things are better left unsaid . He should of just tossed all the salt on my open wound at once in stead of a daily dose.. He said he was sorry for telling me and said he was wrong and already new how I would respond but still needed to tell me.. He is going to tell this Aa female tonight that his wife disapproves of this . Tossing me in as a escuse.. . So today I will pray for more help and acceptance and tools to help myself get better and not let his manupling ways interfere with me... So that's where I am today . Still sick confused unsure where I am today . But I asked him how he felt about telling me about this person of interest . And his comment said . I feel good . I'm sorry you don't . And to smile and move on like no harm has been done.. Opion please !

You ask for opinions about your husband 9 months sober's asking if it would be ok for him to have a female friend to buddy around with; you say HE got you a doctor to help YOU as if everything you write about is all in your head and your fault and you are the one needing fixing. HE is using AA to get what he wants; he is manipulating AA to his advantage and to keep you off your guard. My opinion is this: you are so confused and off your guard BECAUSE he is making you that way - your subconscious mind knows what it knows and he is using manipulating tactics to force you to hurry up and get better (do things his way) because it doesn't suit him to be living this way. You have held to your decision to stay away until you feel it is right so now he is stepping up the tactics, using the word "lonely" and throwing in another female - threatening a relationship with someone else to force you to give in before you are ready to give in. Just because he's been sober for 9 months does NOT mean he is in any kind of recovery. Your posts about his actions do not display him as a man trying to work on the character defects that accompany being an alcoholic. Just because he SAYS he is all better does not make it so. I sent mine a recording of his ranting and got back a defensive "that was a different me, I'm different now" but he wasn't different at all, he was throwing steps at me like weapons - using them to try to guilt me into believing he was working on recovery and accusing me of not being willing to work my own, all the while "I" actually was doing the work, which is why he never came back.

I'm having a really hard time .. My problem is so complexed so confusing so long. I'm tired to talk about it. Recap . Husband 9 months sober not living in home . Seperation so I can get my head out of the fog I'm in. The house was healing from the alcoholic disease . Mother in law wanted to take kids down to North Carolina to get out and away from the stress at home . With the idea of me letting my husband back in the house .. I had 2 days notice of this and little time to think if I want them to see her . When she came down to get them she had every intention to change there behavior , because I'm not a good mother in her eyes. Me and her used to be close until my husband recovery and me learning about al alone tools and how to apply them as far as knowing I don't need to respond to something that's going to lead me to the ring. My mother in law is a active alcoholic and mean and controlling big time . She had place a demand in me to call her now!!! She called several times with in 10 min . I did not respond to her right away and for reason I was busy and could not talk and this was told to her . She did not accept that. When I called her back she was very upset with me because she didn't like my attitude . I simply told her I was not advoiding her I had stuff that needed to be done and she said when I call you I want to speak to you now not later!! I said I'n a nice way , I told her a little bit about al alone works and I don't need to respond to her or any one that is placing a demand on me , I have that choice . I am a person that had never spoke my mind sat back and let ppl walk on me.. But since I been going to al Alon I have the one tool I no to use properly and that is to no I don't need to react to a problem I understand Boundarys and inappropriate behavior and can chose to accept it or not to. This is the problem I'm having . Is resentment to her!!! While my children were down in nc . Under her supervision , she became the ruler the mother . She controlled my children's time when they could call me . I only talked to them when she would allow them to answer my call and took away any of my sourse to communicate with them.. My children were badger while they were down there . This is comming from the children's voices not me assuming . My mother in law . Told my daughter your mother does not no anything her mother died when she was young and I had no skills as a mother or a wife.. Everything my mother inlaw did at her home like washing the dished she made sure to add my name in and say I don't wash dishes write she does not no how to do laundry the right way . I'm stupid my kids were upset to here talk about me like this .. She also allow them to have a sip of alcohol on separate occasions !!! She let them stay at other ppl home with out my consent and no access to get in touch with me. . I'm very upset and hurtful that she did this to me and told hurtful things to my kids . Yes I know she is a sick woman with alcoholic disease . I am having a very hard time letting this go . I want to call her and give her a piece of my mind . I'm asking for any one here of ways to help me let this pass .