Here with my Son - Al-Anon Family Group

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Here with my Son

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

I also think that the reaction he is going thru is weird as lots of my clients in the past who were prescribed it never displayed these outcomes. Might be something else going on. Do you need more information what he is there with you?....(((hugs))) smile

Try googling "Librum side effects" and see what is offered there.

-- Edited by Jerry F on Saturday 27th of July 2013 03:19:47 PM

-- Edited by Jerry F on Saturday 27th of July 2013 03:21:02 PM

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I made a big mistake having my son up here this weekend. Usually things go well but this time he is on something. Not alcohol.....think Librium. Just as screwed up in the head anyways. He will get upset very very easy so I'm having to step lightly. I wish I didn't put myself in this situation...dang.

Tomorrow he's to move into his new home...the ranch but I'm thinking if they spend one day with him like this he will be gone.

I just have to keep him at bay because he is NOT ready to take on life at all.

I'm OK but I just want out if this madness as soon as possible.

He is truly a mess.....sad but true.

PS: Maybe tomorrow he will have more of a clear head but right now he's lost and wandering. I just want him to stop falling over from getting dizzy because of the drug.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Maybe he's just lying and it is alcohol. I just took his keys away. I'm thinking on getting him in the car drive him home and let him fend for himself. He's now pissed at me for taking his keys but I will NOT let him drive.

I can take a taxi home.......this is SICK and I did it to myself. WHat a mess.

I was going to move his bed for him to the ranch tomorrow but I'll be damn if I do anything for him ever again.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Being curious, I read up on Librium and dizziness is a side effect of it. You know your son, but maybe he isn't drinking? I'd think you could smell it if he is that drunk?

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

It has to be alcohol and yes I think I did smell it. I'm just letting him convince me it isn't. What a bunch of horse puckie. He has locked the door to the guest bedroom and I think he is asleep now so I will let him just sleep it off and then I will take him home and get a taxi.

I can believe I have done this to myself.....

I'm sorry I have crossed the street again. When will I ever learn. At least I'm not in a crazy mode....just pissed off at myself right now.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Progress - not perfection, Cathy. Today will be a help to you in the future when he's back and asking without asking to stay with you maybe? I was really concerned based on your description of him that he could have overdosed or suffered an allergic reaction to the meds, but if he's drinking - I hate to be him when he wakes up. When Momma's not happy - nobody's happy.

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy, I can give you a ride, I have nothing going on tonight. Let me know if you need some help.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathyinaz wrote:

I can believe I have done this to myself.....

I'm sorry I have crossed the street again. When will I ever learn. At least I'm not in a crazy mode....just pissed off at myself right now.

haaaaaay (((((((Cathy))))))) take it easy on you...That is your SON...Hell, how many times have I gone back and back to be kicked in the teeth by D#2???? Its different when its your kid, but still and all, that is why we stick together....Work our program......we Begin again....and we get better...Honest!!!! ........EASY does it, my friend.....

Rose50 · Senior Member

Cathy -

He may have taken some Librium in combination with alcohol. I say this because it happened with my son a couple of years ago. He was detoxed at a hospital and sent home with Librium. He drank while taking the pills and became dizzy and disoriented. He did sleep it off. In my opinion Librium should be given only in a hospital or in a controlled environment.

Go easy on yourself - I have been there and understand your reaction. "Progress not perfection"

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy

Please be gentle with yourself. You are a MOM and you love your son. This is a very difficult road that we travel

Glad you came here and shared.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you so much Bonnie but I had to tackle him to keep him from getting into the car. No matter how much I want him gone he is in too bad of shape to let him go anywhere. This sucks but I will be good. I just need for him to go to sleep again......and hopefully all will be good tomorrow unless he has more alcohol.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathyinaz wrote:
Thank you so much Bonnie but I had to tackle him to keep him from getting into the car. No matter how much I want him gone he is in too bad of shape to let him go anywhere. This sucks but I will be good. I just need for him to go to sleep again......and hopefully all will be good tomorrow unless he has more alcohol.

(((((((((((((((((((((Cathy)))))))))))))))) I TRULY feel for you.....lets deal with tomorrow when it comes......right now, just try and breathe and take it easy on you...if hes passed out, hide the car keys, (sure you know all this drill) but if he sneaks out??? he walks or taxi, but hopefully he will stay put and sleep it off.....sending you peace and comforting energy...

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

He left..... Oh dear God please keep people on the roads safe. And let the police find him.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Amen.

How are you doing inside with all this right now, Cathy, if you want to share? What can we do to support you now? What might feel good to you?

oldergal · Senior Member

Cathy, its not your fault, you have done all the right things. The disease has a way of sucking us in to the chaos, no one excepted. You didnt cause this. He's dam lucky u took the keys. Keep saying the serenity prayer and hope he stays asleep for his own sake. You can't control this. You will get through this. Don't beat yourself up its not worth it honest...believe me, been there done that. He will wake up tomorrow and act like nothing happened. You are a good person and deserve your own forgiveness.Be good to yourself. If you want to be angry thats your perfect right, he comes to your house stoned or drunk or whatever he is. You have your boundaries and he crossed them. Your anger is a natural consequence of his stupidity. In support Oldergal

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

blankstare My ESH... I don 't believe it is the drugs/alcohol that creates the illness. It is the illness that creates the alcohol/drugs.

The illness is one we all suffer from to a greater, or lesser, degree. And for some it lies dormant.

It is possible that he may be able to front up Monday and begin his job.

A thing I say to myself often if 'take your own advice'. That means being able to back up, and detach, if only for a while.

-DavidG.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

cathy it is very common for the A to take stuff, drink stuff whatever, before they walk in to be in rehab or whatever.

My first thought when ya said when will i ever learn, or you sounded like you failed or something was, Betty is right. He is your son, you wanted to see him! That is NOT a crime or failure.

You did what a good alanon person would do. The way you reacted was great. Showed me progress for petes sake! You did not baby him, you stood your ground.

My thought was ok a horse thru me many years ago. Then I got tossed by another. then another. Now I get my hand stepped on by my horse. So are you going to tell me not to be around my horse? I love horses, I love my ONE horse.

I just won't be putting my hand on the ground by her to be stepped on! lol

So now you won't be inviting him to stay over night.

It's OK. geez soooome people are so hard on themselves...loves u, debilyn

AngelicH57 · Senior Member

I'm so sorry Cathy... {{{{{Hugs}}}}

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi, Cathy. I went to bed so didn't see this when you posted. Crazy would be pretending that he wasn't dizzy and disoriented in your home. Crazy would be offering him a glass of wine to relax him when he got upset. Crazy would be offering him your car to drive it to his place so that he wouldn't wreck his own. Crazy would be sitting in the dark wondering where he was after driving off impaired and thanking God he was so sick. Crazy is not doing any of what you did. I don't know one person who could go through what you went through yesterday knowing everything to do moment to moment that would make them the Alanon star of the year - whatever that would look like. As far as feeling embarrassed, well, I get that and that just adds to my compassion for you today. As Betty said, you are a mother. You love your son. Love doesn't always look or feel reasonable to our logical minds. And human relationships are often messy because we're all a mixed bag.
Your sharings help me be real, too. (((Cathy))) They also make you very, very loveable because you are very, very human.

And as far as his being angry because you accused him of drinking - his disease is ticked because you tried to interfere with its desire to keep him drinking. Underneath that crap is your son calling you because he didn't want you to worry. He knows you know the truth and he knows the truth, too.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 28th of July 2013 07:45:57 AM

-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 28th of July 2013 07:48:11 AM

-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 28th of July 2013 07:48:43 AM

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

When he left he said he was going to email me so I could call his phone when he got home. He lost it and didn't have it with him. He left a 7pm and now it's after 10pm. He was either stopped or in a accident.....either way he is dead or going to be in jail.

I'm just sick right now and can't seem to sleep. With no contact it's a waiting game.

I don't think I'm going to handle this very well...I can only pray and it's not helping much right now.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so sorry. When things are unclear it is so hard not to be frightened. I know bad things happen. I do also know that my A seemed to have a lot more skill at keeping the worst things from happening than I ever would have thought. So many times I thought he'd be living under a bridge within a week. Not that he is on top of his life -- he's still drinking and he's still a mess -- but when A's are up against the wall they have many capabilities that it wouldn't seem like they have. And they swear up and down that they'll phone us, etc., and then they don't. Of course no one can guarantee that your son is fine. But not hearing from him does not necessarily mean terrible news. Not keeping promises and frightening us half to death seems to be a specialty of alcoholics. I'm hoping that whatever happens to him tonight helps lead him into recovery.

Please take good care of yourself. One minute at a time. {{{Hugs.}}}

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I am crying a lot right now not because of my son but because what I have went through tonight. I just got a call from my son. He got home but he was mad at me for accusing him of drinking when he wasn't. Good lord in heaven.....I didn't make this up. He was a mess when he left. But anyways he didn't want to call me but didn't want me to worry. FFFFF He scared me to death.

I got caught up in his crazy life and it was all my fault. I'm so mad at myself and look what I have been posting here all evening. My crap....I'm embarrassed for being so crazy on here.

I need sleep badly because my mind and body is going nuts right now....

I apologize

In The Forest · Veteran Member

You should not be embarrassed! If I was in the position you were in tonight I think it would feel very scary and lonely. It always helps to have someone to talk to. I hope you feel better in the morning.

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

hmm No reason to say sorry here, Cathy...

we are all in this together...!

John · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Cathy, when one of us get this stuff "perfect", I am going to interview them and post it on Youtube. I don't suspect I will be making that video any time soon. We do the best we can, make the decisions we are most comfortable with at the time and do so from a place of hope and love. There is nothing wrong with that. Nothing to apologize for. What is important is that we learn to lower our expectations and increase our acceptance, so when the abnormal does abnormal it doesn't rock our world because we were expecting "normal". Equally important is that we learn how to set time limits on things. I can't expect an untreated alcoholic or addict to stay clean and sober for day after day with a open invitation to stay with me pending something else unfolding for them related to housing. I have to limit their time in my home to ONE Day. Other wise, I am surely going to be setting myself up for disappointment, anger, upset, etc, because an alcoholic/addict can only be on "good behavior" so long before the disease takes the show again.

You haven't done anything wrong... you have loved and cared about your son. Just try to remember what comes with that package the next time you allow him to stay more than a day.

John

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm guessing he was trying to have one more drunk before he knows he really needs to stay sober...even though he's really needed to stay sober all along. It is typical alcoholic to get drunk the day before going to a program.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you all so much for the support I needed so bad last night. I just woke up a little while ago so I did finally get some sleep. My head is pounding I think because of stress but I made it didn't I.

I just want to be close to my HP today. I want my phone as far away from me as possible and I want to not be around my son right now. He has put me through hell since Friday night and I don't want it to happen again. I have worked to hard to let him in again to take everything away from me.

My thinking he will not make it to the ranch tomorrow but its NOT MY PROBLEM.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

DavidG wrote:
My ESH... I don 't believe it is the drugs/alcohol that creates the illness. It is the illness that creates the alcohol/drugs.
The illness is one we all suffer from to a greater, or lesser, degree. And for some it lies dormant.

dear David....I 10000% agree....the alcohol is the symptom of a deeper problem within.......I have heard that "allergy" can be a factor, but I see A's go from one addiction to another...like the addict personality.......I SO agree....the Illness creates the drinking or using....and just how bad it gets??? depends on how much help the person can get for their problems, their thinking, their experiences if real bad, etc......and I agree with your 2nd line.....we all got it......I 100% agree...Thanks for bringing it up in the open.....

I used to be a problem drinker, self medicating my pain, running awy, escaping, numbing out, i used the beer drinking to do this...i was hemoraging spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and the anxiety, my nerve damage was so bad, I DRANK and I drank a LOT.....when I got into program and began working on me and addressing and thus, releasing all those pent up emotions, and exposed the dirty secrets and just decided to take back my life, my nerve damage is not lessened very much or improved very much, but I dn't want to escape that way...I dont' want anymore hangovers....I don't want to "party hearty" anymore.....I don't want to wreck my body, so I don't abuse any more....yea, I can have a beer at a dinner, wating for the food and no worries....

ONCE in a while...JUST every now and again, I will get triggered over something or out of some fear and I will want to "indulge" and I have given in to it....just "run away" "escape" this sucky hardship of a life and drink and fantasize...

Being in the program, getting support and managing my emotions by venting, sharing, getting support, just getting it OUT....I am getting back to whre I was b4 I took a sabatical from program......I escape in healtheir ways now, I "detach" with a soak in the tub, or a good movie, or a swim in the pool, or dancing to music...fantasizing while I just lie down adn breath.....I see myself in my happy place with my few acres and a couple of horses and I "go away" to my dream farm in my head.....then I come out and deal with where I really am at.....

they say if you visualize yourself in your desired place or situation, you can draw it to you b/c all creation comes from thought..

so sicko thoughts must have created my urge to drink.....healthier thinking creates my urge to take care of me

I am kinda rambling here, but I hope someone gets my gist....

NICE share, David.....I always wondered and thought about this as being true.....I do believe it is.....if we get to the very ROOTS , we can deal with our abborant behaviours much better...root out the infection, THEN do the clean up stuff (program)

FAITH1988 · Veteran Member

Cathy,

Praying for you and AS. I know all too well the fear anxiety when our children we birthed do this.

Then SOMEHOW THEY MAKE US SO NUTTY WE QUESTION WHAT WE KNOW TO BE TRUE!

Like so many said it is different with our children. Please keep us updated and praying my friend.

HUGS CATHY your HP is with you
Faith

-- Edited by FAITH1988 on Sunday 28th of July 2013 08:51:16 PM

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Well my son is on a bender so I'm guess he's not going to make it to the ranch tomorrow. I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to see him and I don't want to hear his crying........ I'm exhausted, sick and anxiety ridden. First time in a long long time.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Prayers for comfort and peace for you, Cathy. Too much for you - for anybody. I know you need to be separated from your son for your own health and well-being. I'll be doing for him what you do for mine. Today is all you have to consider now. I'm glad you're going to rest.

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