The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my husband is a recovering alcoholic and narcotic addict. for about 4 years he has been clean . during this time nor he or i have been to meetings or have worked any kind of program. but the problems of he and i alone and together are all starting to un ravel. we realized that we need help both individually and as a couple. this is hard for us to do. hes really took off with it. been going to meetings all last week and started off the week good. he even found a sponsor. but me. im here and i just feel stuck. im scared. im scared to work a program and scared that he may get so much better that he may not want me. i tried to explain this to him but of course got anger. he doesnt get why i am like this. i dont know why either. i dont know where to begin. please some words of hope? suggestions? anything?
I was afraid of alanon, 11 yrs. ago when i started, but I wanted recovery sooo bad, I kissed my fears and went for it...I found a sponsor pretty quick into the program and that helped with my fears
I wanted help more than I was scared of the program...Once I got into it you couldn' keep me away from it...it was like being thrown a life raft and I grabbed on b/c the alanon WAS my life...IS my life....
I urge you to get in your program and work it with a sponsor, meetings, the sponsor can help you with the steps b/c the steps are key to program...literature, posting on this board is also very important
Its your choice...You can stay stuck and deal with dysfunctional life and its cloak of misery or you can jump into alanon and get free and get healthy.....
I do hope you keep coming back and latch onto this program...its your only hope for a healthier life.....
He is a AA and a NA ....real hard task to overcome both addictions.....You need to leave him be to his program and concentrate on you and helping you...
Please keep coming back....there are on line meets offered right here...its your choice and your key to freedom........Good luck and I hope to see you posting here...
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Welcome! I support all that Neshema offered. Recovery from alcohol and drugs is difficult. I know this to be true from my marriage. Al anon helps me to stay healthy and to take care of me. These addictions swallow us up and we become as sick or sicker than the addict. Your fears are real and we have all experienced them. The comfort of what we know seems better than what we don't know. Keep coming back.
Please join al-anon, it has saved my life and my marriage! Its great to hear that he is going to meetings & found a sponsor! You can receive those same gifts of the al-anon program. Please check your area for days and times for al-anon meetings. They will be able to show you the tools of al-anon and for me, my 1st meeting, it was like being thrown a life preserver!! I am a very grateful to be a member of al-anon, as it helps me with everything & everyone in my life! So glad you are reaching out!!
I totally get where you are coming from. I had similar thoughts too. You guys working recovery may make you "need" each other less, but it can free you up to "want" each other more. If pathological dependence on each other was or is the glue keeping you together..better to find out now than after really growing to resent each other. Just remember, your higher power can't abandon you or leave you. As much as you love your husband, you don't own him and both of you have your own journeys to travel. A relationship where both of you have recovery, spiritual soundness and more serenity is much much better than one where two sick people cling to each other out of neediness. I was scared at the start of recovery that if I grew to not be needy, it would mean I would wind up alone and lonely. Turns out I was wrong.
I was scared at first, but I made it to my first al-anon meeting and realized shortly thereafter that I was home. It was the best decision of my life! Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Thank u all for all your feedback. It so helps.:) to clarify I have been to meetings in past since meeting him and I am going to meetings now. I just need a sponsor. How do I go about getting one?
I watched the folks in my home group. Then, I asked one who seemed to be walking the talk. She turned me down. I asked HP who I should go to next and it turned out to be a woman I never would have chosen on my own. She has been a gift to me that HP chose - not me.
Please try to get a hold of the book Getting them Sober. The whole issue of an alcoholic/addict leaving is a really common one. In fact for some of us it is pretty difficult to lose one.
I had severe abandonment issues so the issue of anyone leaving me was really traumatic. Oddly enough going through the abandonment on so many levels of living around an alcoholic helped me to work through those issues. I had to walk through all that pain in order to get to a place where abandonment wasn't the biggest fear for me. I am glad you are both looking at recovery. That takes a lot of courage. I have been in places where I felt threatened by someone elses recovery now I am able to stand alone whatever someone else does will not diminish my life.
