Soo sorry for your pain....alcoholism brings with it the ragged cloak of misery, powerlessness and sadness

Thank goodness for Alanon....Here we can learn to grieve, yes, but not stay stuck in it...We learn to take care of ourselves and to let go those people, places and things we cannot control

I urge you to work your program, with a sponsor, hopefully, get into meetings and work the steps...So this condition your son is in does not take you down

Its up to him, to admit his problem and to get help for it...You cannot do a thing to control him.....Just remember you didn't cause this, you cannot control it and you will never cure it......This is his problem that is his to face

Its awful to see , I have a niece whom I raised and she is meth addict..I had to totally let her go...the lying, stealing, slides, jail time, courts, the whole thing, I just had to "let go"  let her suffer the consequences of her using and hope to high heavens that someday she will get help....so I know how you feel...Even tho I did not give birth to her, my sister did..I took her away from the bio sister b/c she was an unfit mother to her....so she is mine just as much and she fell in love with a boy whom I knew was bad news but at 18 I could no longer control her....it went from bad to worse since then...She married a cocaine user and I am sure you can imagine the rest...

I was'nt in recovery back then, but I still realized , thank to a very surprising source....My Ex  AH....HE pointed out to me that we could not help her, we had our own problems and that there was nothing we could do for her....He was right...He saw me so stressed out I was sick all the time, my ptsd was off the charts, I was eating my meds, b/c of her escapades,  it was horrible

Now, looking back, thanks to this program,  yes, we can love our A's and our N's, but we don't have to be sucked into their vortex of misery.....we can put distance....work our programs....set internal boundaries where we take care of us and release them to their maker....

I am so sorry for your pain.....please keep coming back and work the program....I promise you, if it can help me, it can help anyone.....you can take back your life and do the things for you that you need to do

Higher Power, give me the peace to accept the things I cannot change.........the courage the change the things I can (which is me)  and the wisdom to know the difference

THAT is the ONLY prayer that I pray that I think makes sense....asking my higher self within me to give me the peace to accept the things I cannot change, by being able to let go and give them over, and the courage to change the only thing I can change which is me, in my program, and give me the wisdom and freedom from denial so I can know the difference

PEACE...and glad you came here....

Welcome.. I feel your pain.. I know what you are going through. My son is an A and as much as we love them we have to learn to back off and find themselves. I was and will admit my sons biggest enabler. This weekend was a rough one for me. He chose to get help and put himself in a program. He has 2 months of sobriety, but I got a phone call from the program and did not know how to deal with it but to drive 3 1/2 hours to get him. He not knowing they called me to tell me they kicked him out for what I see a silly reason ( no drugs or alcohol or abuse or disrespect involved) my son wants sobriety so bad and wants to be connected to his higher power that we prayed and he made a phone call talked to his pastor that kicked him out and god does miracles and allowed him back today. My 21 said to me mom have faith because fear is a sin. I have to admit I have been on here on and off for a small while but this was my eye opener that I need to start on my recovery. My son is passing me by and all I did was bring up the past the whole time. Which made me sick and I seem in his eyes that he couldn't worry about me and my feelings. Even though the pain started with him and his disease.. Sometimes when I hear or read to let go and let god and they have to hit there rock bottom. I know in my heart of heart that it is true but we love our children and its hard to get to that point. But I advise us as mothers to get on that recovery bus. We deserve to be happy and be healthy and smile. God bless and I wish I can say something to help but I can share my story to say you are not alone..

Sweeetr, I went back and read your first post from 2009 and it's pretty much the same thing only now you are married to the A. I'm not bringing this up to say anything bad. In fact, this can give you strength as you dive even MORE fully into your alanon program. You are in a position to really see how powerless you are over his disease and it is a progressive illness that goes on for years and, as much as you might have hoped and prayed he would sober up....well...you are powerless right?

I see you as really being a good spot to delve right into some serious stepwork with a sponsor cuz you sound defeated and powerless. That is exactly how you are supposed to feel in regards to his drinking - so get to a meeting and get to work.