The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am glad that you found us and shared your truth. You are definitely not alone. It is good that your husband is in treatment and now it is time for you to seek recovery for yourself..
Alcoholism is a progressive illness that affects not only the drinker/ user but the entire family as well. We become irritable, confused, isolated, unsure lost as a result of attempting to cope with the insanity of the disease.
Alanon is a fellowship of men and women who have also known the pain of living in the confusion and who share the tools and compassion that helped us to recover. .Face to Face meetings are held in most communities. The main number can be found in the white pages. I urge you to check them out and attend
You will discover that there is hope and you are not that you are alone.
Come here often and share the journey
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 7th of July 2013 04:38:57 PM
Hi i am new her My name is Tina l. I have had the roughest month in my life. I had to put my husband in a mental hospital because he was so messed up on drugs and alcohol that he tried to kill himself by od-ing. they found him mentally incompetent and he has bipolar 1. i have to go see him today and i feel very alone and sad. i have been with this man for 19 years and now its just me and the kids while he gets better. i don't know where to start so i came here for help! i just need to hear some one else is out there that feels the way i do. life is hard enough without having to hide ur husbands illness and i guess mine too. thx
I went through a similar experience when my I had to have my partner baker acted. He also tried to OD and kill himself. Your husband may or may not actually have bipolar disorder. It will look like that now as he's been chemically inducing his moods to go up and down. He would need to be sober for a good while to truly tell if he has a mood disorder on top of drug and alcohol addiction. For me, the time he was in the hospital was very very sad, but it was a time of growth for me. I got to step back and look at how crazy my life was and how it settled down with him in the hospital somewhat. When he got out and started the drama again, it did not take long for me to call it quits. I realized I could do fine (actually better) without him. I don't know if that's what you will realize or if that's in your future or if he will get better or not. None of us really know that. At the least you might take this time to realize you are fully capable of taking care of yourself and you will put your own life in order one way or another.
The fact that you are still standing and moving forward is a testament to your strength. You will be ok.
thank u pink chip. i will not allow him back into my home until he has been thru a treatment program. i don't know whether or not its the drugs and alcohol but I'm pretty sure he has a mental illness to boot. he now has to apply for social security disability and find a treatment home that will work on both problems. every time i see him he looks great and i am happy for him but in the back of my mind i say how long is this going to last. i can no longer pretend that everything is ok. i am exhausted. this is the first time i have said i, i , i in a long time. my family is trying to be understanding but everyone is so judgmental that i don't know what to say. his brother got the brunt of his last bender because he stole a lot from him to get what he wanted. we live on his property and i rent from him and i know he does not want to be bothered by our problems anymore. his wife is wonderful and truly understanding but for how long? two years ago July first my husbands brother succeeded and killed himself. i cannot lose another man i love . ugh i am just so tired of all the drama and hurt.
Yes, this is a time for you to get your footing and consider the options that are available to help you choose a saner life for you and your children. Regular attendance at Al anon meetings would be a good start, as you will be in the company of people who know what you are going through. You need support from others who have travelled the same path as you. There are online meetings available on this site, also. We have all been affected by the disease of alcoholism and we know what you are feeling right now...there is so much confusion, then when you have children to love and support it is so much harder. Read through the many many posts available here so you can soak in what this disease does to people and how we have survived and THRIVED despite the craziness of the addicts in our lives. You really can live a life without shame and secrets when you begin to share your stuff with others in al anon...you cannot recover alone or with people (family member/friends) that are not in recovery (we are in recovery). big hug!
I agree with the "not letting him home until hes been in a program of some sorts" this is so sad and i am so sorry
I have a younger brother I am going to have to "cut" from my life.....his drug and alcohol use has turned him crazy...
He Texts me this realy confrontational text so I call him, (this is today) and hes off the wall about this trial everyone has been watching and he goes after me about it...I call him b/c I will NOT TEXT unless it is business or a casual, quickie, and he does this to me
well the call was even worse..I see the damage that the drugs has done to him, it has eaten up his brain cells...someone in calif. where he lives in a 1/2 way house told me that his brain actually has "burn holes" from the drugs??? never heard of that, but after listening to the way he talked to me today, I believe it...
I think all the drugging has damaged him and he gets angry, kinda violent on the phone w/me....I don't need it...Don't need the drama...Don't need hm yelling at me and screaming at me, it was awful
so yea, I think, to protect my sanity and maintain my serenity, I am cutting him loose...I can't help him...I can't do a damn thing but to either put up with his outbursts OR just let it go and go on
The little boy I used to have fun w/is GONE...I saw it for real, today.....
I have me to take care of, and don't need his confrontational and mean drama he wants to throw at me and then when I would call him about something he ignores me until its convenient for him to, then its a impersonal text and confrontational.....I was the dumb one, LOL to call him today and make him face me....I wanted him to face me and talk to me....waste of time with someone who is so addled by his drugs that he can't even treat me with a semblence of respect...
I am sooo done with it.....If I can drag my sick self into recovery to seek a better, healthier life, then so can anyone else.
I am really getting sick of the rounds and rounds of misery that these people cause.....I don't hate them, I feel some compassion, but ya know??? I gotta take care of me....and there is nothing I can do w/someone who refuses to help themselves
your DH sounds pretty bad to be OD'ing...that means he has serious disorders on top of it....my niece whom I had to let go would get drugged out on her meth, and nearly OD on it and in and out of hospitals, mostly jails b/c she would attack the cops and on and on an on the misery went....being mean to people around her...I had to let her go, too
my ptsd is bad enough w/out all this drama they cause....
I DO hope that he can find a recovery program, but as for you, you can help you....I urge you to find as many meetings as you can go to b/c you are gonna need loads of support, and guidance, work the steps, and all the things the program suggests...
and of course you have us here......I would get into meetings , though and I would do it very quickly
he is on his journey and you are on yours, keep the focus on you and what can you do to take care of you.....
So sorry you are going through this....My family is full of dry drunks or narkies or active alkies and I most of the time can keep my distance, but they still can upset me and that is when I back off...distance myself....work my program...focus on me and let it go
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
thank u everyone for ur support. i just finished our visit of the day and for the first time i heard that he was sorry for making me pick up the pieces and that he can't wait till his new chapter in life starts. we are looking for a good facility for him. i was sooo depressed and then i go to this website and all the sudden the light at the end of the tunnel isn't so far away. there are people out there who understand how it is to be alone. there are people who have been thru this and survived. Thank you God and thank u guys for ur stories and support i am hooked and will continue this journey with u guys . thank u . neshema 2 ptsd is exactly what it is for us. I've been on the battle grounds and have put myself thru hell , my kids thru hell and all because i was addicted to taking care of someone (my husband and his deamons). i feel much better because of u guys!!!!!
It's because of Al-anon and MIP that I'm am getting my life back in order. No matter what happens to my A I can be at peace with what I'm doing for me. When we start taking care of us and our children we will be better prepared to know whats right to help and encourage the A.
When we let go and let God take care of the pain we can have peace and serenity in our lives.
Take care and we want you to know you are not alone so please keep coming back
((( hugs ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
hugs back thank u . i am still trying to separate my A and my feelings about him. i need to help me before him because i am the one out here. i wrote another blog called Visiting with a couple of new thoughts. thank u again every time someone takes the time to give me feed back the better and clearer i see. My higher power is calling all i have to do is continue to listen
It's because of Al-anon and MIP that I'm am getting my life back in order.
Oh yea, I came crawling back after a "sabatical" and I felt me slipping down the coda rabbit hole so BACK I come to work my program b/c coda, to me, is not curable, but we can keep it in remission with steady, faithful and honest work on US
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Tina's not alone...never has been tho she might have felt that way in the past. If you listen to our stories looking for similarities you will come to understand...dramatically? there is a whole planet of victims of alcohol and drugs many of which have never touched alcohol and/or drugs. We understand and many here have done the exact same thing as you have just done while feeling that tired, overwhelmed and "done" feeling. That is how I got into Al-Anon...I was done...sick and tired of being sick and tired and finished feeling that insane was normal. I didn't know there was a "me" time or purpose; I was born and raised in this disease which needs enablers to make it run. I am an enabler and it almost killed others and myself. Al-Anon meetings and fellowship; MIP and open AA meetings can and will help along with our literature and membership support as a sponsor. Keep coming back here often. It's okay to be tired and stop to rest. It's necessary. (((((hugs)))))
jerry u are awesome all u are. i don't even know who i am but the journey begins. i will be watching and sometimes writing. thank u for everything. love u guys . thx for being u!!!!!!!
feeling that tired, overwhelmed and "done" feeling. That is how I got into Al-Anon...I was done...sick and tired of being sick and tired and finished feeling that insane was normal. I didn't know there was a "me" time or purpose; I was born and raised in this disease which needs enablers to make it run. I am an enabler and it almost killed others and myself. Al-Anon meetings and fellowship; MIP and open AA meetings can and will help along with our literature and membership support as a sponsor. Keep coming back here often. It's okay to be tired and stop to rest. It's necessary. (((((hugs)))))
WOW....soo true....I came here b/c I was done...done with life...done feeling so miserable......sick and tired of being sick and tired as Jerry says.....I, too, with my being a recovering coda was an enabler...people pleaser....anything to keep the peace........placating others......shoving my needs aside........what needs?? didn't know I had any, just had this empty feeling "used up" and spat out when they were done using and abusing me
It was kill myself........go nuts..........or drag me into help that I could afford.........thank goodness for alanon, coda and even the open AA meets, got a lot out of them......oh yea, I am back for GOOD......If I even think of disappearing again, I hope someone smells it and kicks my butt
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
that feeling of being empty is everything to me right now. i am nervous all the time. my mind keeps racing and i feel guilty. guilty for things that i haven't even done. last week at work i came back from my "vacation" the one where i had my husband committed. well during lunch one of my co workers comes in crying saying some one stole 300.00 from her purse. right away i got defensive and mad and in front of everyone ,i dumped the contents of my person and everything i had in my pockets and said something like" i didn't steal ur money but how convenient that it goes missing the day i come back from vacation." well at the end of the day i guess my co worker went to my office manager and they filed a police report. now everyone in the office knows what happened with my husband so i all the sudden go into protect mode. the funny thing is that i didn't steal, i didn't lie but because of my past i feel guilty. i hope tomorrow nobody comes up to me to ask the inevitable "did u do it" question. if they do i am going to do my best to be calm and try and understand my point of view. we will see.... thx again for everything everybody!!!!!
