The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last August we moved from Vancouver Canada back to my home country of Sydney Australia. My qualifier is Canadian.
This week my qualifier Husband has had a really bad eye infection. Turns out he has viral conjunctivitis. I have had a hard time showing him compassion because the way he carries on you would think he is going to loose his eye. Yesterday he had to go and see a special eye Doctor and caught the train there. He ended up sending me a text message saying I swear to God I hate being in this country so f much. This frustrated text message was because he went to the wrong place and had to catch another train into the downtown area and needed me to send him the train timetable etc. I sent him a message back just saying I'm sorry to hear that you hate this country so much and said I don't know what to say. I did say to him there is an app you can down load which has all the train time tables etc and trip planner etc.
I guess from this frustrated message my partner sent to me it triggered me. I don't understand how someone can have so much hate towards a country. Really when I break down his frustration he was frustrated with going to the wrong place and its easier to blame someone else for giving you the wrong directions than double checking where you are going first. This is all his anger and frustration to own not mine. He hasn't been going to meetings and really isn't a nice person to be around at the moment. I need to keep the focus on myself and remind myself that although he isn't currently active in his addiction that I am living with a sick person. I have choices I don't need to engage in his negativity or take on his negative attitude. But why do I start to go the other way and feel I am selfish for making him move overseas.
Big hugs .. I have to admit you gave me a giggle when I read you were from Australia because I am now reading this with an Aussie accent :)
You have choices and so does he. Unless you held a gun to his head and said you are moving or else .. I would say he went willingly. I'm sure it is frustrating to be in a new town, city and country and be sick to boot and not know how to get around. That being said again .. he has choices.
Sometimes I think when I am taking care of myself even when it means making hard choices about big changes I've put the focus on others needs for so long that I forget I get to have my own dreams, life and so on as well. It's not just about the other person it's about me too. When my choices hurt others I do mean physically mentally emotionally then maybe I need to check my motives .. usually what I find out is that as long as I do what is purely motivated and I'm following the God of my understandings will things really do turn out ok.
Hugs and welcome, P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Yea, I would LOVE to go to AU..I have facebook friends all over that country and have always wanted to go
So what calibre gun did you stick to his head to force him to move???? I didn't read any, so I am assuming you wanted to go, and he wanted to go too....
Noone "makes a body" do something they really don't want to go
Hes pissed at his own stuff and he is gonna point it at you to ruin your day too....its not the country, I think he is just frustrated and wanted to take it out on you
If you are happy there and want to stay, maybe , if it were me, I would calmly say to him, that "hey if he wants to go back to CA, its OK" and leave it like that
Drinkers or non drinkers not in recovery love to blame others or situations or circumstances rather than take a hard look at themselves.....I wouldn't worry about it...You didn't force him and he isn't chained up there against his will...He CAN go back if he wants., so I would say "no worries" and just keep coming back and working your program
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I swear it gives me much more justification for my resentment if I can hate the whole country!! Yessir I can pile it on and find all the little dirty nooks and crannies and stay alert for all the new stuff too. Unless I am right on program I can become a terrrorist in a micro-second. Then of course someone in program will say "let go and let God" and I become docile. My country of birth is occupied by a foreign govenment and approaching that from the direction of the 1st step calms me down alot. Being assaulted by it's police urges me to work the program more precisely especially all those parts and sections about Higher Power, acceptance and forgiveness and patience and such. If it wasn't for the family disease I would have never found the way to heal it. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Thank-you for your posts. His hate for the country
Is out of his frustration in having to catch public transport.
No gun held to his head we agreed that it would be better for us here
Lifestyle and work potential earnings. I laughed when the 1st person who replied said they
Were now reading this in an Australian accent.
My partner was relapsing so many times in Vancouver I was done what ever the out come was to be I needed to be back
Home closer to my family. I do miss my Vancouver Al Anon friends and Ftf meetings but have found some good Ftf meetings here.
I'm truly grateful for all you wonderful people in these rooms
