Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Mistaken for Love!


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1744
Date:
Mistaken for Love!


 

 

"It is easy to mistake control and dependency for love. The truth of love, however , is found in our sincerity

to act for the happiness and freedom of others."

Shin Yatomi



__________________
Bettina


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3281
Date:

WOW!!!! LOVE this and sooo true........Thank you for this beautiful short take that I needed to be reminded of :)

__________________

Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!! 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:

Bettina wrote:

 

 

. The truth of love, however , is found in our sincerity

to act for the happiness and freedom of others."

Shin Yatomi


 Hi Bettina

I believe that I tried to love in this manner and on the surface it looked as if I did.     Entering alanon I discovered that I did sincerely try to act for the happiness and freedom of others, however my motives were not without expectations.    I believed if I did this then the person would reciprocate, love me and take care of me.

Without the alanon tools I could never have learned how to love unconditionally.  I found that I had to love myself first and act for my own happiness and freedom and then I could love others in the same manner.



__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13696
Date:

hotrod wrote:
Bettina wrote:

 

 

. The truth of love, however , is found in our sincerity

to act for the happiness and freedom of others."

Shin Yatomi


 Hi Bettina

I believe that I tried to love in this manner and on the surface it looked as if I did.     Entering alanon I discovered that I did sincerely try to act for the happiness and freedom of others, however my motives were not without expectations.    I believed if I did this then the person would reciprocate, love me and take care of me.

Without the alanon tools I could never have learned how to love unconditionally.  I found that I had to love myself first and act for my own happiness and freedom and then I could love others in the same manner.

 

Done it that way myself...just love the Al-Anon method.   ((((hugs)))) smile


 



__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1744
Date:





I don't understand, so you tried to love by giving the other person freedom and it didnt work , why?

I'm confused.

I think the quote is talking about unconditional love, just in a different way.

Bettina


__________________
Bettina


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:

Bettina  I agree The quote is talking about unconditional love.  Before alanon I truly thought I was loving unconditionally.  I then  could not understand why I was then filled with anger, resentment etc. 

 Entering alanon I found that my love was not unconditional.  It had strings buried  very deep within my being.. I was  abandoning  myself, completely to please another.

Alanon taught me to take care of myself, Love myself and then I could love unconditionally 

It worked for me.



__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1744
Date:




Ahhhhhh! I got it. Thanks Hotrod for clearing that up.

Definitely have to value yourself first or nothing works.

Hugs,

Bettina

__________________
Bettina


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1036
Date:

I absolutely felt that doing for others, trying to control them and being obsessed with them was some kind of love.  I felt incredibly virtuous and giving on so many levels. Truth was I was wracked with fear and anger.  I still have those moments.  I no longer "depend" on others to define me in the same ways.

Maresie.



__________________
orchid lover
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.