The material presented
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Please higher power come back and help me out . I love all of al Alon . I'm tired of recapping my ah recovery . I try to keep it in the day starting with me. I'm trying to get over yesterday's actions from him , he surpose to call when showing up this is not a legal seperarion but a a temerary one that was recordmended by his Sponser last month. To leave me alone .. I need to heal work al Alon more seek self time away for myself aka a little freedom with no question or why .
My children are going to see there grandmother who is a active drinker . They are excited to visit her. I am to for the break to recover . My ah sober husband is not working his program and that has been known by his own side of the st. I have seen this to when he comes over back to trash searching going in my pocket book yesterday and when I caught him . He was still doing it . It's like he couldn't stop he found a address and that brought me to defense why because I'm just learning the al Alon rules that I don't need to tell or talk or explain. Well I went to the ring with him . It was my Sponser new address . Bad eniughy he new her old one by snooping . He didn't believe me and ask me to call her. Like a scared weak co dependent I did as he asked to prove that's was her.. He still listens to my conversation he falling back in his FEAR pattereds . I need to do part 2
Again this sight should be for me to disguss me not my ah sober 9 months . Yesterday I asked him to try to bond with the children explain is sickness explain why me and him are currently seperated . WELL. That was bad idea . He told the children it was because of them that your mother is to sick and that I dread there surroundings . That when there around me it interferes with our Marrage.. There going to see there grandmother like I said in part one . He told them they were going because I didn't want them around me because they fight they cause me stress and that I despise them . My children came in the house in total shock crying and hugging me and said they were sorry.. I said to my husband what happen out there . Then he told me he told them I didn't want them around me I wanted time to myself . yes I need a break also from him!!!!! He had this idea once there gone we will get better we can focus on me and him . It's all about him . He has plans on moving in if I like it or not. My kids are feeling shame and guilty thinking that they are the cause of him moving out.. I need help here!!! I need to get dam better!! I can't teach my children al Alon when I am learning myself. Ah added more guilt to me and passing it children. He taking the son out to his Sponser camp sight . He said to me (ah) he will set my son straight. My girl wanted to go to and he said NO u need to stay with your mother . I don't think he is drinking and I'm not concern to be honest . What concerns me is the BS he telling the children. Al Alon in Bedford no longer has a al alteen . I have to seek else for them. I'm back in my non recovery mode . Please positive feed back I need
its easy to fall into the coda rabbit hole due to all the A's and dysfunctionals firing at me, jabbing at me, just being their toxic self
i cleaned out a lot of them in my life...I just had to say "its either me and my sanity or THEM and insanity" I finally chose me
Yes, I do keep my A brother in my life b/c he is sweet to me and yes, dysfunctional but he is bottom line...sweet to me and for the most part a blessing to me as he would help me if I hollared to him
the rest??? just dysfunctional, or drinking or drugging and no desire for recovery.....I am walking across the bridge to health....yes, i would love for them to follow me, I even wave and cheer them to take that step, but I am still walking across the bridge..If they come??? GR8....If they do not??? I just accept it w/some sadness,but I keep my forward march across that bridge....Maybe one day they will follow...maybe they won't....its their choice...their life...and their loss, but its out of my hands.....
I hope this made some sense to you....I am starving and getting ready to go to pool......
I do hope you work on you..take care of you...live your life, work your program and you can get free of this.........
Peace and happy thoughts I send to you
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
You're not alone...MIP and Al-Anon are in support. There isn't any Alateen in your area however Alateen is a part of Al-Anon and if the kids can sit and listen take them to the meetings with you...let them read your literature...discuss among yourselves a topic you heard at a meeting that rings a bell for anyone of you. Take your time...be patient and let HP carry you when you find the journey to tiring to walk on your own. Get a sponsor yourself if you don't already have one and don't over work it. Relax...Let go and Let God. In support (((((hugs)))))
The Grandmother is she the Mother of your husband.???
Sounds like your husbands disease is really out of control. He should be the one to go stay with his Mother.
While a break is good for you from the A. Your husband doesnt sound too stable. While breaks are good, they dont' solve long term issues . Just be careful. Sounds like he is setting you up with the kids. If a parent can lie to their children and make you look bad, its not in yours or the kids best interest The kids should not be in the middle of it or made to feel any guilt, or spend time with more drinking, like a drinking Grandmother. I know A's can get your thinking all muddled. While a quick fix of the moment, it wont heal anything, this disease is long term and you and the A have children together.
Recovery is yours if you plan to spend more time with Alanon or a good sponsor for yourself as Jerry suggested.
What you get from Alanon is what you put into it. You have to work it to get results.
Yes the grandmother is a big drinker and I had no time to say no because the children found out by there father and he wanted to be a surprise for me .. And yes that moment of me being selfish said time alone time fir me finally . Then thought after and said wait taking the messed up children from there home to another place where drinking is active!!!! My son called me last night from a overnight camping trip with his ah dad . Crying at age of 12 missing me wanting to come home and all I here in the background your a baby..looks like we need to talk more . That to me alone no that he is badger the child . Bad eniughy the kids heard and Seen the fights because he made sure one was there to ring the bell while the other one keep score.. This is cruel and wrong of him ah to put them in this battle . My 10 year old went to Alon with me last night and when we left there she started crying, saying other ppl have our problems are we fixable? My ah is not living here at home but he does make that apparence to offen . He will not come back in this house that's sick when I'm trying to cure it . I have no idea if he is working his steps I don't ask any questions I don't say anything I stick to my side . So are there clues to look for to see if he not working his steps anything for me to be awhete of
Don't worry about him working his steps. Worry about yourself. He does sound like he's got some bossy tyrannical behavior going on. That may or may not lessen as he settles into sobriety. When someone is newly sober, they experience the world as very chaotic and they cling to what is left around them all the more. That will include relationships and so forth. He is clinging to you and controlling you out of fear and he lost the one thing that used to make it tolerable for him to not have full control over you (alcohol). He's either going to stay crazy and dominating and controlling and bullying, or he will soften up. It's probably going to take years and not months. In the meanwhile, you have your program to attend to. You guys might not be compatible any more. I hear contempt whenever I read your posts about him. I do not hear much love left. I know from my studies of marital therapy that when contempt is there, that is a sign that the relationship has gone toxic and is more than likely not going to work out.
So you know he is bossy, controlling, and acts like a dictator...You don't have to be his subject or victim. Your thinking is evolving. You sound like you are getting better. You are freaking out less over what he does and doesn't do and letting go faster. You are no longer believing he has the power to "throw you into the ring" as it is impossible to argue with someone who refuses to participate. He wants to fight about some things because you want distance and the fighting shows that you care and brings you closer in a sick way. Detachment scares him because it feels like you will detach and just let go of him completely (and maybe you will). You can call his antics "throwing you in the ring" but I would prefer not to since you don't have to fight about his sick behaviors. It's going to be okay. It's a few months down the road from when you started alanon and you are lots better. It wont resolve over night and it won't resolve in ways you anticipated, but you are growing and getting better.
Just one more word, You take control of the children as much as you can. The children need someone to guide and protect them. Its not the other way around.
