moving on takes work! - Al-Anon Family Group

Hoot Nanny · ~*Service Worker*~

moving on takes work!

WorkingThroughIt · ~*Service Worker*~

I started a thread today that describes how I got unstuck.
I worked through the past and even used my past to find God!!!

Blessings

BrokenArcher · Newbie

This has been so hard for me too. I spend most of my day focusing on the past or future. Lately, when I am able to live in the present and not focus on the past or worry about what may or may not happen in the future, I feel good for awhile,but then start feeling like I'm allowing myself to be walked all over. And like you said, i feel stuck, it gets me feeling really down. I need to move forward as well, but it's so hard. Sorry I'm not much help, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone...

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

QUOTE.....I can get so stuck in the past it kills me. But, today I am not going to share any past experiences because I talked to my sober alcoholic & he feels that I can't let go of the past. Maybe he is right. I focus too much on what happened. I want to share my experience, strength & hope w/ others w/o focusing on the past & all the crap I have been through. When will I ever get over it? I guess today I am just a little down. I really don't have any reason to feel this way. Like I said, I need to move forward.

OMG...I actually sort of dumped recovery b/c I did not want to give the ESH and bring up the past....however there IS a happy medium

Yes, stay in recovery...Yes, give ESH, Yes, I can bring up the past, but not DWELL on it...Like, "yea, this happened to me and I did such and such"

I think it is "OK" to look in the rear view mirror (past) but I think I get stuck when I STARE in that rear view mirror....Like yes, it is necessary to share painful stuff when giving ESH, but I don't have to stay in the problem, my treatment now is to yes, state the happenings of the past AS NEEDED

THEN move on to the solution...I think its not about moving on, its about 4getting to get to the solution....what happened to me as a child, as a wife, as a hostage victim of an Alkie boyfriend who was so obsessed w/me he kidnapped me...Really...No lie!!! Yes, I tell of the event as needed, but I put a boundary on how long I am gonna talk about my childhood and my adulthood which was sicko at best b/c of my childhood training, I put boundaries ON ME as to how long I will speak of past events...then I say "ok, what, if anything, can I do about it NOW to be better???"

Your not alone...Trust me, your post really impressed me b/c I do the same thing and as long as I dont' stay 4ever in the past, but allow it to pass through me as I have to revisit old grief or anger, as long as I am willing to move to the solution, I don't "get on me" about it...

Sometimes it is just necessary to "work through" a new memory and then we move on when WE are ready

hope this made sense....

Lyne · ~*Service Worker*~

Kathleen-Boy I get how you feel. I think I have moved on in the area of less overall anger towards my A, and I have also given up playing Sherlock Holmes to figure out when she is lying or drinking or whatever. But I feel numb towards her. I realize holding on to negative emotions hurts me, so I'm thinking of step 1 all the time. I am absolutely powerless over my spouse's multiple addictions, so I'm trying like heck to get myself well. Oh yeah, this will be a lot of work. Because as sick as she is, I have become also as the codependent spouse. But I am determined not to stay in this stuckness the rest of my life. And you don't have to either, Lyne

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.