What do you do when you're discouraged? - Al-Anon Family Group

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

What do you do when you're discouraged?

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

I am very seriously thinking that I am getting depressed, not something that normally happens to me. I feel like life just keeps throwing me challenge after challenge and I am sooo not ready for them. I've had setbacks with my son's educational needs, thinking of holding him back to repeat 8th grade. I think he needs a year to get into a reading program with the neuropsychologist, I want to get him private tutoring in math, and various other things with him: he has ADHD and a tic disorder along with allergies and gastro problems that still remain a mystery to me despite having tests done over the years.

Then, there's the dog attack. My dog is having issues from the attack, he was scared of two shitzus at the park last night and he's still scared of the car. That's something that will take time to work on with him and with our temps around 110 degrees, it's just not fun to be outside even in the car!

Then, my son and I keep getting sick. It's been a cold, then a stomach flu, then a cold, and now another stomach thing(which I believe is food poisoning). We have been sick for 5 days now and I can barely eat more than a piece of toast. My son broke out in a very bad viral rash the other day and it's giving him trouble off and on throughout the day: mostly pain and tenderness in certain areas as well as sensitivity to heat. His hands and feet are red and look like they're sunburned and he complains of pain off and on. The doctor said it could be 7-10 days for this virus to exit the body through his skin at this point. Meanwhile, I'm still fighting the stomach stuff: pain, cramping, weakness in my legs, joint pain, etc.

I am feeling so defeated and discouraged and none of this stuff is related to my AH and the struggle in the marriage so that's like the icing on the cake. I realized I missed paying a few bills over the past 2 days so I need to catch up, but I just can't seem to keep my head up. I swear, I hardly ever get like this. Some of this is fear because my son and I are supposed to go to FL in 10 days for a tournament for him and I really want to go. I will see my family, go to the beach, clear my head, etc but if we don't get better soon, I feel like this trip may not happen and that makes me sad, too. I'm just feeling like I'm treading water, falling behind, and getting frustrated. I've had to cancel a few assessments for my son this week and cancel my own therapist, too. These are things that I think are necessary and I guess I'm just getting impatient because I want them done now. I know I need to turn everything over to my HP, but somedays I don't even have the strength to journal. It's like my brain is just fuzzy and I can't spit any of it out.

Sorry to be a downer, but I was looking for suggestions for how you all get through these times? I know this is nothing new to the human race, LOL. It's life.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Gads honey drop the freaking ROCK!!!!!

You are sick, he is sick so STOP. Of course everything is too much, you don't feel well! What does it take for you to listen to that pretty bod and bring in some food you need, movies, make comfy places for you and kiddo and do NOTHING but heal up! Call a loved one, lettem know you have to rest and may need them for help.

Sometimes I have had to just stop and Give In to what my body says.Of course being weird I always have to clean my house first.....but I sorta like it when I just can't.....

I learned,"Wow, life does go on, everything is always ok when I feel better, and what was the big deal anyhoooo?" Who says we have to ignore what we need?

So listen to your friend here, quit fighting what cannot be fought.

Hey I bet you anything it is food intolerance with your son. When you feel better pm me. Docs well most know nothing about food and nutrition.

I figured my own self out and feel soooo much better. AND I taught for 18 years, its never better to hold a kid back. He needs his friends and he has enough issues already. Better to do as you said and get extra help> if he is on an IEP then the school has to provide the learning help he needs. Has he been tested? again pmme when ya feel better.

hugs, love, now get into your comfy eating cloths, kiddo too, and heal and be lazy. If you have dog, cuddle with him too! debilyn

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

Well, we need to get the IEP this year. We've homeschooled and I've made as many accomodations as I could but I can't handle it anymore and will need outside help. His testing scores are all over the board and he has been diagnosed as having brain trauma from birth and I've been told by 2 educational psychologists and our neuropsych that he won't get the help he needs in public school. He has friends at all grade levels because of his tennis and I have to make sure he can finish high school in 8 consecutive semesters in case he decides to play tennis in college because of NCAA requirements. I have met a lot of parents who have held their kids back in 8th grade and didn't regret it.

As for the food intolerance, he's been tested for EVERYTHING. He's lactose and fructose intolerant but not actually allergic so we limit those foods including many fruits high in fructose. My AH has actually been helpful at this time, but I just feel the weight of the world. I have thought about cutting out wheat but I just don't have the where with all to do it right now, too much stress just getting through the day. Right now, we're dealing with this virus and it's wearing me down.

If my son didn't want to go to college or didn't want to play tennis at such a high level, I'd be inclined to keep him in 9th grade this year, but the NCAA is VERY strict with requirements and curriculum choices and all the stuff I do with my son must be approved by their curriculum board. My son is 2 years behind in math(doing 7th grade book now), is writing at a 5th grade level, reading on grade level but his comprehension skills are way behind, but has spelling skills of a college student. Go figure. Most of this is chalked up to his learning disabilities and the fact that his tics get in the way of him processing and staying on task. I mean, some days it's so hard to watch him try to finish his a lesson while he's turning his head and lifting his shoulder to meet it every 5 seconds.

We've contemplated meds but the doc told us that ADHD meds will definitely increase his tics and they're already bad enough. If I medicate the tics, he'll have other side effects that will effect his tennis performance and that is highly important to him because he values his status and the things he's learned through tennis, especially all the friends he's made across the country. So, we've pushed along with the homeschooling. He also takes classes at a homeschool co-op and has friends there, and their curriculums are approved by the NCAA. I had my son signed up to take World History and Science and a writing class at the co-op for next year and now I'm deciding if I should keep him in those classes or if I just focus on the outside help and tutoring this year and play catch up for 9th grade. I feel that it's better to have him try to 'catch up' to his classmates, than try to struggle to 'keep up' and get frustrated and down on himself in the process. He already beats himself up for his 'thinking' problems and cognitive delays, I just feel that high school is high pressure at this point without him getting the outside help.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

oh ok more details. If he has friends of all ages that is great.You sound so on! But still it is ok to rest!

As far as public schools, Once on an IEP they HAVE to do what it says, and it is monitored. If they do not and you mention ONE time the word attorney, believe me it will be done. Most parents do not realized the power they have. I being who I am always told my students parents.

I do not like meds either. Yep me too on the lactose. Also wheat/gluten. My daughter has celiacs disease.

If you did not eat anything out of a box, got rice pasta, I do and its good, there are tons of great things now to help make it so easy to stop the wheat gluten. Rice bread is great toasted, rice cakes with your own salmon spread, yummy and use veganeese for mayo or again make your own.

Closest to nature is what helped me and also not mixing foods too much I mean like spices and cheese and meat and vegies and more. there are great almond cheeses but again ez to make yourself and it is better. Hummus is ez too.

BUT again right now, I hope you will rest! Your words even sound overwhelmed! hugs debilyn

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

So much to consider on your plate right now and both of you so sick, too. There are no easy answers to these concerns for you. It must feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders right now. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you and for your son. And when you feel light and you feel clear, you'll act. Until then, I hope you have folks who can come in and tend to you and your son? Just a pan of homemade soup made especially for you might help ease and comfort you. Is there anyone you can ask to help you out in this way? And....could any of this be due to the dog bites you suffered? I know with cat scratches one can end up with cat scratch fever. I don't know about dog bites? Just wondering.

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

No, I wasn't bit by the dogs, thank goodness. I suffered mostly bruises and a very bruised bone in my hand(my doctor thought I broke it but after X-rays he determined it was just a very bruised bone). My AH has been helpful and I've managed a few trips to the store to stock up on supplements and food. I have both my son and I taking digestive enzymes with each meal and probiotics twice a day now. Mostly, it's this rash that's concerning me. My son will just start wincing and holding parts of his body when the rash acts up and it's hard to see them suffer. Coconut oil has provided him so relief and also rose salve on his face helped him, too. He's been taking oatmeal baths daily and I started him in potassium and magnesium supplements, too, to replace lost electrolytes.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh, okay. I thought you had been bitten, too, but no breaks in the skin. Well, good grief! I just feel so much compassion for you and your son and there's little I can do but be a witness to what is happening in your life right now and pray for the both of you and your little dog. I'm hoping that you'll all be improving one day at a time. I know what you mean about seeing your son suffer. Just doing what you're doing as calmly as you're writing all this for your son must be helping him. Lots of positive and healing energy is being sent to you by people reading your posts, I'm sure.
Keep us posted, friend. It appears you have many supporters on this board who are concerned about you.

Path to Serenity · Senior Member

Besides Coconut oil, Castor oil is wonderful for skin irritations & discomfort. Warm the two together in a container set in a pan of hot water (like you'd heat a baby bottle) stir the mixture together, pour into a container, let cool and use as needed. If you want something on the line of a salve, just add a little beeswax to the mixture of oils while it's heating. If you need any further info on how to make salves, you can PM me....I'm local, ya know

Besides the salves & oils, drink oodles of water and juices to help flush the system.

((((HUG))))

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks, Path to Serenity! I play around with essential oils and such but I don't have castor oil. I have jojoba, almond, and coconut for mixing the oils with. My mom is a beekeeper and I have some of her beeswax but it's still got some hive connected to it, LOL! I'd love to learn more about salves.

I can't drink fruit or eat fruit just yet. We're trying to keep the diet really bland right now so I'm sticking with ginger tea, warm lemon water, plain water, and ginger ale. He's sitting on the couch right now moaning in pain and I'm sitting here trying to be supportive. We both waffle between feeling OK and then laying on the couch moaning with stomach pain. This has been one crazy virus!

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

Because I'm a rescuer ( biggrin ) , my immediate thought was...is there anything in your environment that may be impacting you and your son's immune systems? Some culprits include 1) lead paint (an old house?), 2) pesticides -- spraying for weeds, termites, mosquitos, cockroaches etc, 3) Radon in the water or air? It's amazing to me the toxins in our environments...and if your son has a brain injury, he may be more sensitive to these things....

As far as your son's IEP -- if you don't get what you need from the school..there is an appeal process BY LAW. There also should be a disability rights center in your state...to help you advocate for your son's needs.

I'm sorry you are discouraged...just take care of yourself...breathe, walk, drink your ginger tea...

I'm sending good juju...

RP

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Take good care of yourself and get the rest you need. I understand you feel overwhelmed you have a lot on your plate and on top of being sick, it is too much. You deserve some down time too. Sending you love and support!

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

(((ilovedogs)))

I try to stay in the moment, in the day, keep the serenity prayer in the front of my mind, and refuse to project.

I prioritize my issues, place "first things first", take the next right action and most of all I trust HP

It works.

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

RP, I've thought of all those things before. I don't spray for weeds or bugs, despite the scorpions, LOL ,and my house is 7 years old. I have not had the house tested for radon, I probably need to do that because I did it with our last house. Other culprits that I'm sure are there are the fact that I still haven't gone all natural with my cleaning products. I switched over to the good laundry detergent because he was reacting to the All and then I keep holding back on getting rid of all my expensive cleaning products. I keep telling myself that as I use them up, I will replace them with a healthier product. Well, do you know how long a can of Endust can last, LOL?

Thanks so much everyone for contributing here. I am hoping that today is a better day. I just feel so much pressure to 'do' something productive for my son, then my AH criticizes me or demeans me at some point, and then I get down on myself. I take on too much, and I know it.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.