The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We got there right at 1 pm. I seen my son pulling up behind us in a white truck with a huge smile. I smiled back, his little sister ran up and hugged him and then he can up and hugged me and his step dad. He introduced us to others and their families. He said let's go to our church which is in the same area as where he stays, so we went and we sat down and he said he really likes where he is at that he realizes all he did and how he hurt and his disease effected the family but he only cared for himself and was not thinking or caring about no one else. I looked at him and cried. His eyes watered and he said mom I am an addict and that's what and how we are and act. I see your pain but god loves me unconditionally and I have surrendered and I can only live day to day. I looked at my husband and then looked back at my son and said I love you and I will support you, but I have to let go and let god. He looked at me with a surprised look. Maybe because I and my husband did not react the way we would have before. We all stood up and I hugged him. As we went back so he can show us the home that he lives in with others. He said mom I can't promise you anything for the future but I love and care for you and my family and all I ask is to live your life in peace. You married my step dad for life and you have done raised me years ago and I took advantage and right now all i can say Is i am sorry. he said he has a lot of growing up to do and a lot to learn sober with out me. He said mom let me learn to fall and fail to be able to get myself back up. We said our goodbyes and he told his little 7 year old sister "sissy I love you and we have great parents, and she said love you too brother and I know. He said learn something positive from my negative. She hugged him and got in the car. Mind you my 7 year old seen a lot and has a mind of an adult. My husband and I started talking as we are driving home an notices my daughter was sleeping. And he said that is probably the most honest and mature conversation we have all ever had through what we have all been through. I looked at him and said thank you he asked me for what and I said that's probably the most caring words you have ever said about my son. In my mind a lot was said to me by my son and I'm trying to soak it all in. But yet continue with my recovery too. God bless you all ;)
Thank you. I am greatful he has given himself back to god to guide him to love himself. And also to add that for as young as he is along with his disease from smoking 2 packs of cigs for almost 5 months , he quit smoking 3 1/2 weeks ago. Thank you again.
My son has done some of the most terrible, scary, fearful and crazy things you can think of. I am not going to judge anymore because I'm working on getting myself better and let his HP take care of him. It is not my place anymore to make sure his problems are mine and to let him know about it will not help one bit.
I love him unconditionally so I will let him take charge of himself no matter what happens. It's his journey not mine.
Let Go Let God..
-- Edited by Cathyinaz on Sunday 23rd of June 2013 08:02:44 PM
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
So today my daughter and I went to church.. What a great service. After a great visit with my son yesterday. I took today to just search strong inside myself and continue to work my steps into recovery. So after church we stopped by our local AMPM and I have known the owner for a while now as he also knows my son. So I'm getting some hot chocolate and he comes up to me and asked me how my son is I responded he is in rehab and working on himself. He said that is great because he scared me, well I stopped and looked at him and said really how? He said one day he came in and was in the restroom for nearly 45 minutes and I knocked he came out and looked horrible I asked him if he was ok and he said NO.. He continues to tell me that he told my son you need to go home where no one will see you like this because you'll end up in jail, so he said my son walked out of the store and banged on his window about 3 times he continues to tell me he told him to go home so he says my son stood up and said ok. I told him I'm sorry. He said I'm just glad he is getting help. As I got in my car my daughter asked me mom why do you look depressed I told her I am not i am ok. But what was truly running through my mind was anger embarrassment and does my son remember what he did the day before we took him to rehab. For some reason it depressed me hard. How does this happen after a great visit and a great service in church??
With the prayers you said in church and the grace from God you would have not taken that bit of info on your son as well as you did. Many more things will be revealed to you about your son, but with your HP's help you will be able to handle it better. ..... Keep praying and going to church, and working the program, this will give you strength to face all the changes....in support oldergal....
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
((((Gaby)))) when they recovery we are still left with our own recovery. I learned that when my alcoholic/addict got clean and sober I was still left with the only problem I had in my life...Me. You have residual memories and feelings from "back then" which you have to take care of for only one person's peace of mind and serenity...Gaby's...you'll get there with work from your fellowship, sponosr and HP. Gaby deserves the good stuff now. In support. (((((hugs)))))
Jerry said the same thing I would to you. Sometimes as parents we fear that our adult children's addictions are a reflection on us and on our parenting. We didn't cause the addiction. We can't control the addiction. We can't cure the addiction. Little by little, with meetings, step work and whatever else our HP decides is best for us, we let go of the anger, the embarrassment, the fear of what others will think about us because our child is sick. Hope you continue your recovery work, Gaby, to help free yourself from all that pain and hardship of the past and the fears for the future.
Thank you all for all the support. I'm really learning to start healing and working on me. I know I have to learn to let go and let god. There are some days that are tough and some days I can really just be happy. Thank you.. God bless
