I must have stupid on my forehead - Al-Anon Family Group

MeTwo2 · ~*Service Worker*~

I must have stupid on my forehead

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

I can see the affects almost immediately, I can smell it and taste it, but no I am not drinking. You must be mistaken. It is only water. Wow.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

The level of denial I have been in over the years staggers my mind. When it comes to the keen alcoholic mind the level of denial is even deeper. If they think it true it must be. Cunning, baffling and powerful. Hugs p :)

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Memorize some recovery...isms. Thay cannot do it without your permission and participation. Keep the awareness about when you are permitting it and participating and use the inner scream at yourself "STOP!!" with a calm smile on your face. Say your changes calmly and out loud and with respect (say what you mean...mean what you say...don't say it mean), like "I don't, won't, will not, do that again" and then turn away....Keep it simple...the power is in keeping it simple. Don't JADE (justify, argue, discuss or explain) you don't have to convince anyone else of the rightness of your choices. They don't have to like it...they have to accept it.

Flex your Al-Anon program Jen...Flex. ((((hugs)))) smile

-- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 16th of June 2013 05:01:16 PM

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Continue to look at his forehead and see what it reads

Sick Sick Sick

Let Go Let God

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Stupid isn't even in the space of who you are. This is the disease of alcoholism and it keeps us in shame. If we stay in shame, we stay sick. I like what Cathy said

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Naaaaah you are just smelling his deoderant...I loved it when he told me he had not drank in 6 mo. hmm that would explain the dui he just got a month before....sheesh.

sad as they actually believe their own lies. hugs, oh mine is a sucker sign, it is always on, that is how I end up with an eden of animals! love,debilyn

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

It became important for me to detach and to acknowledge that it how I see things which is proper. When I reached the point where I could say that "I now know...and I know that I know" I realized my alcoholic/addict felt lost and abandoned. I was no longer enabling and I was no longer repeating steps of the past which helped her to continue using and drinking and me getting sicker because of it. Program works when you work it. ((((hugs)))) smile

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

It is amazing what they come up with. They always turn it around that it is our fault not theirs. Incredible. I need to work harder at detaching and go to more meetings.

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks everybody. Really good thoughts. I appreciate it all and I can see I need to work so hard!!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I once knew a man who was a self-admitted alcoholic although not when he first met me. He was about 65 when we met. He would come to things that our organization sponsored. Sometimes, he came in so drunk that he was drooling. I'd say, "W..., you're drunk. You'll need to go home and come back when you're sober." He'd put up a finger and say, "One beer. I just had one beer." "Not true, W....," I'd say. He'd put up two fingers. "Okay! You're right. Two beers. I had two beers." I'd send him home. Well, sometimes, I'd walk him home. Sometimes, I'd pick him up from the sidewalk before somebody stole his wallet or beat him up, and try to drag him home. This went on for about two years. He'd come in drunk. I'd send him home.

One night, he came for a special party. He'd been drinking. He sat in what he called, "My chair." I did the usual. This time, he didn't try to convince me that he'd only had 1 beer or 2. He stumbled on home. A few days later, he came in to the office. He sat down in his chair. He said, "What a fool I am. I'm going to stop drinking." He admitted himself to a treatment center. Then, he attended AA from then on.
He stayed sober until he died of a heart attack during a heat wave from which he couldn't get relief.

We'd had a discussion a few months before he died. I asked him what type of tree he would want to be. He told me an oak because an oak was tall and strong and gave shade and that's what he wanted to be. To me, he was that oak because he was tall in admitting that he had a problem, strong in facing it and gave shade in that he always helped people who came to visit at our place no matter who they were to feel at home and wanted as they were. He was a WWII vet. He was buried as a soldier in cemetery for veterans. We did his memorial service and then carried his ashes to the plot where his ashes were to be buried. Imagine my surprise when I saw that his ashes' final resting place would be under a beautiful oak tree - a plot he didn't get to choose.

The message of his life for me was this: No matter how long someone drinks. No matter how old they are. No matter how deep in denial they are. There is hope that one day they will become like a beautiful oak tree, tall, strong and giving shade.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 17th of June 2013 08:10:11 PM

DebLisa55 · Member

I hope I don't offend anyone here, but this posting made me laugh. When I smell the beer on my husband, see his dazed and confused dumb face, he says "Debbie, I didn't have anything to drink, its my gum!" Heineken gum - who would have thought?????

ParisMemories · Senior Member

Thank you grateful. Beautiful post.

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

That made me laugh. What a good one. Sounds like they are all the same!

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

Brought tears to my eyes.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.