The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I would like to share with you where I am right now. My son is still homeless, he has not sorted anything out in terms of housing because he has court, that has been ongoing since January, so he thinks it would be useless to get accomodation if there is a chance he will go to prison. I have not heard from him for a week now and my feelings are quite mixed up. I miss him but appreciate some peace, I am anxious and worried but dont really want to see him. I dont want to see him but I really really do. I am not ready to deal with him properly right now. I am actually avoiding my house in case he comes. I am still opting for the easy way out at times, enabling, fear etc rather than doing the work for my serenity.
I cant get into my step work at the moment and I think its partly due to dreading step 4, 5 and 6. I have done them before but I kind of cheated when it came to sharing my shortcomings. I just shared them with people who never really knew that I was working the steps. I know, crazy, I still felt good about admitting them and working on them though. I believe they are needed for my recovery to reach a deeper level but I am reluctant right now. I have some excuses, I am working lots more hours at the moment, Im quite stressed at work, I have some health issues that are worrying me and of course I have that hazy, confusion around whats going on with my son. I am a wee bit auto pilot right now, exhausted but ploughing through and avoiding the big think that is needed.
I have long holidays coming up soon and I have always dreaded them, im not good with time, I have the urge to try hard to make them good thanks to my program but still dreading the time. Wishing I could be like my normal colleagues who are sooo excited about the holidays. I know I wont always feel this way. Some members of my home group leave for Vancouver soon, Alanon truly works miracles because these people also felt like me. Anyway, thanks for listening to my share.x
-- Edited by el-cee on Friday 14th of June 2013 02:26:02 PM
I used to worry if I didn't hear from my son about every two days .. OMG he's drinking....oh my he's in the hospital...oh he's fallen and can't get up. Crazy!! Now I let go because the worry didn't help me one bit. What good did it do but keep me from doing what needs to be done......taking care of me and my stuff. Unless I kept my son locked up inside my house I was NOT going to help him in any way by worrying. Also my son didn't know or care one damn bit if I was worrying or in fear for him.
LC...... He is going to do what he wants no matter what you think, feel or fear. When HE is worried is when he comes looking for you to save him for the short run....then he's off to his life again. He will come by and complain and make you feel guilty until he gets what he wants. Then you tell him to leave and the cycle starts over.
I finally said NO for good and what a difference it has made in my life. I don't really know but I think my son is finally starting to do the right thing. I will pray about it and take care of me.
Find something to do for the holidays and at least enjoy a little of it.
PS: Maybe your son found a temporary fix to his problem so that's why he hasn't come to you.
Let go let God.......you are not alone
(((( Hugs ))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
El cee-I wanted to let you know I am thinking about you and am gladly here to listen. I am exausted after some long, emotional days, so I don't have the words that might be of support. Take good care...
Thank you for your honesty and insight. Of coarse you are concerned about your son You are human and MOM. This is not easy so be very gentle with yourself.
This is a simple program for complicated people. You are doing fine . However you choose to work your 5th Step was perfect for you at the time. Right now you can just stay in the day in the moment and keep the focus on yourself, pray, read the literature and trust that HP will guide you to further constructive actions.
In the beginning I too had difficulty with time. I began slowly. Take an hour walk, then take an exercise class, then venture to a book store and browse,then I purchased a Yoga book and began doing yoga at home. I also decided to try to do a movie alone and that worked wonders.
Small baby steps with "Smart Feet" got me there and all of a sudden I had a life.
el-cee-One of my most difficult tasks is not to be codependent with my son. I know what I want to do, what is healthy to do, and what to keep trying, but I need alot of work to accomplish this. Thoughts and prayers to you and your son, Lyne
Hi, el cee - Gosh! Isn't parenting a child with this disease a study in ambivalence? I hope you know that you can feel all those feelings and still be perfectly sane! When I was first thrown into the experience of my son's disease progress, I went to open AA meetings. Just listening to those in recovery helped me feel grounded and sure that the best thing I could do for my son was to say no to my son - not about everything, but about many things. Maybe an open AA or NA meeting might help you get your zing back? Lots of hugs.
Thank you eveyone, I do believe I am doing the right thing and that real change will occur, its got to because there is no other options. I would love to attend open AA meetings, I will look into that. I love this program, for me everyones wisdom is like a reality check and sometimes I get lost, so thank you.x
We all lose our footing and need help to get steady again I lost my footing last week, however, through the program, I am walking a bit steadier this am.
Your not alone. My sons disease to every ounce of energy in me. I was to co dependent mother that ran to his everybneed and I mean everything. I hated to see him lost in his own world. There were so many nights I would stay up while my son was under the influence but in my sick mind at the time I always said well at least he is here in front of me. But my world around me was falling apart with my daughter an my husband. My jobs !! All I thought is what am I going to walk into and how will I handle it. I am just now getting help for me. Yes my son choses to go to rehab but I am still wounded by all the damage I allowed.. I am still not ok mentally physically emotionally !! His disease almost killed me and he worried for 2 days then he was back at it again but I said I would miss him I love him to much to kick him out. If I do I'll never see him again. But I was fighting his sobriety and at that time he was not tired of being tired but I was exhausted. Now he is rehab and I'm still sick from his disease. I'm baby stepping into my recovery only because I was so stuck in his. Your not alone. God bless and sending lots of prayers!!
I lost my footing last week, however, through the program, I am walking a bit steadier this am.