I'm so sorry, Linda.  I know how hurtful this can all be for you.  I have a son who behaves the same way, but I was able to move him out of my house because my HP opened a window of opportunity for me and I climbed through it.  Before going home, can you go to an Alanon meeting somewhere close to your home?  Just to get some support for today?  Calling your local police department and asking for suggestions on what to do might help, too?  Attend Alanon meetings.  Keep coming to this board.  Keep an open mind as you ask your HP(Higher Power) for help and know there are many of us who have experienced this same dilemma and worked through it or are working through it.  You are not alone.

It is your home.  You have a right to peace in your home.  He is 35.  He is not a child.  And the consequences of his drinking have put him on the streets.  Not you.  He also has an HP who will provide for him in ways that you cannot.  Lots of hugs and support.  This is hard stuff and with the help of Alanon - can get better as you get the support and knowledge that you need. 

Thank you Cathy and grateful2be..

I have not even been able to cry until I read your messages. As for calling the police...I have called them before when my daughter was on crack. She threw a telephone and hit me in the head. She also screamed that I could not make her leave. However, the police told me that since she paid no rent, and that she was living there only by my good will, I could force her to leave. She left, and has since lost her own 14 year old son because of her addiction. My son knows all of this, and he is using everything possible to convince me he does not have to leave. He pays no rent, but in March he was put in jail for DWI. This is his 3rd or 4th and he will probably be doing time after he pays his bondsmand off; however, he called his bondsman and worked out a deal for him to get out again. The only way I would agree for him to move back home was if he turned all of his credit cards and bank accounts over to me. He was doing well until last week. I paid his bills, and then give him what was left. He would give me a little for the purchase of food, but not rent.

Since he lost his job last week, there will be no more of that. But when I told him to move out, he said, "All of my money is given to you. You cannot prove I do not pay to live here."

About going to an Alanon meeting tonight, I just checked. There is one 7:30...but, I have been up since 6:00 AM this morning. Last night, I found he had never mended a sprinkler on my electric sewer system. The people who provide service turned me over to the Environmental Department. I could not understand why since I have been doing business with them for 10 years. Then, questioning him, I found he told them to stop putting chlorine in the system 6 months ago (he said he killed his mayhaw trees)....and he told me about the same time that he had repaired the sprinklers (2 of them). When I received the notice from the Enviornmental Department I walked to the back of the land and saw that he had not only failed to repair the sprinklers, but he allowed mud and grass to grow over the whole pipe. In effect, the sewer was no longer functioning properly.

This morning, I got up at 6 to try and fix the sprinkler, since I had already bought the parts. I dug until I found the pipe, then went inside to asked him where the connector and sprinkler was. He became furious...screaming and cursing me and tellling me that is why he drinks. He said he can't even think when I am around. He did go outside, and connected the sprinkler, but the glue had to dry before we could turn the water on again. I had to come to work, all sweaty and I feel so dirty right now....I am so sorry....I hate to say all of this...but, when I called to ask him if the sprinker was working now, he screamed, " I TOLD YOU I FIXED IT....WHAT THE..." Then, he just hung up.

I can't wait until 7:30 to attend the meeting...I guess I will go home and bath first. I am feeling better. I just couldn't bare to go home when he started screaming again

I am sorry you are living this way, but it does sound like you have had to deal with soemthing like this before and handled it well. I hope you can dive into al-anon meetings and keep coming back here. Sending you much love and support!

I've got a son like this too but he hasn't been abusive toward me (yet). Anyway, I was told that I couldn't just throw him out since he has ''established residence'' here but I could have him served with a 30 day eviction notice. Haven't needed to do that since he's been sober for 3 months now but the option is still there. Since this house is in my name and I pay the mortgage, he has no more legal right to be here than a regular tenant...thus the 30day eviction notice. If I ever have to do this, I'll be calling a locksmith to change the locks on the doors.

You do have options (TRO, eviction notice)

((((Linda))))

I want to thank each of you...I found strength in each response...and direction. I was unable to attend the meeting last night. When I got home, I found he had not repaired the sprinkler correctly...but, he had left the house.

I went outside to finish working on the sprinkler and was about to give up when my neighbor and his wife walked over. The man was kind enough to repair all three of the sprinklers, but it was after 7 before I could turn the water back on. There is another meeting this Thursday night. I will be there. Right now, I don't have any strength inside...if I allow myself to think, I start crying. ...it is hard for me to make sense...I had a hard time finding this website again....jut the thought of talking to a judge seems more than I can bear....I keep hoping he will calm down...his great aunt passed away 2 days ago...he wants to go to the funeral....but, he has no car, and now no job. I don't want to drive him ... I keep arguing with myself over whether I should help him get there....but, it is over 60 miles from here...and, his father's family will expect me to keep up an appearance....they don't want to hear that he is not doing well. Maybe when I can get to a meeting I will find strength to make better decisions and make whatever calls I should make.

LC, I have justified my son's anger towards me over and over...I see the denial, disappointment, and unhappiness...and, ironically, I know he loves me...other people tell me how much he talks about me and how much he loves me...but when that horrible side is present...and it's getting worse...that's when I know something must change....that home is mine...I pay the mortgage and I have struggled to keep everything paid....he doesn't see the struggle...and even laughs when I tell him I have to work...he says, "You don't work!" ...I guess he says that because I sit at a desk all day...but, it is work....his probation has been put on hold until he goes back to court. ...I'm sorry, I feel I am too negative to be speaking right now. Thank you again, all of you. maybe tomorrow will be a better day...