The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I tried reaching out to my son that is in recovery but I chosed to speak with his pastor instead of my son. I feel that even hearing his voice will hurt me and bring up emotions that I can't handle right now. Is it bad for me to be angry hurt fustrated towards him still for all that he has done to me and my family even though I know it was not him it was his disease!! But yet his choice too. I have so many mixed emotions but I also do not want to interrupt his focus on himself .. Is this normal. ??
What you are feeling is very normal for a family member who has been living with the disease of alcoholism. Alanon is a fellowship of people who live with or have lived with this disease. It is at alanon face to face meetings that I learned to break the isolation caused by this disease. I learned to let go of the anger, resentment, self pity and fear that I held deep within. I replaced these negative feelings with positive tools of prayer, mediation, honesty, compassion, living one day at a time, focused on myself, with trust in a Higher Power
I urge you to search out face to face meetings in your community and attend. You are worth it.
Gaby: The interior conflict you are describing is something that will be relieved in meetings, learning the steps and learning new ways to interact with your son when he leaves rehab. Good that you can recognize what you are feeling and are seeking the wisdom of people who have experienced what you are and are taking steps to heal from the effects of this disease on us. We aren't bad for feeling what we feel. Negative feelings can help us seek a new way to think and behave so that we experience the serenity that is promised us if we will apply ourselves to attending meetings, finding a sponsor, and working the steps with others who also want to live life more sanely and peacefully than we have been before working the program.
Thank you for the comfort.. I have not reached face to face meetings because I get real bad anxiety. I am afraid of letting my feelings out. I don't know why!! I love my son that one thing I recognize was that I was not helping him I was hurting him more. But I have recognized that I was his enabler and very codependent.. When he asked for help. I did not wait one minute we left right away.
You don't have to say a thing at the meetings until you are ready. Just listening to others speak is - well - almost magical in its ability to help us feel better - more hopeful. It takes some courage not to let your anxious feelings get in the way of you choosing to do what you can do to help yourself heal by walking into a meeting. People there know exactly how it feels to attend your first meeting and won't push you to say or do anything you don't want to do. We've all been afraid UNTIL we go and then most all of us are happy that we did it. You can choose not to go and let the negative feelings continue to disrupt your peace or you can choose to go and experience being in a room of other people who have felt and some still feel just like you do. Please know, whatever you choose to do, we believe in you and we believe in your ability to heal and to grow one day at a time in Alanon.
It's been 5 weeks my 21 has been I rehab and this is his first time Ina long term program and he asked for the help. I just can't sem to get the past out of my head.. I want to go to face to face meetings but why is it so hard for me to get the energy to go and walk in??!!! I carry so many emotions because of him!!! How can some ones disease cause so many problems. With me its been physically emotionally and mentally. I have his little sister to care for. But I'm so sucked in to this depression even though I know he is getting help. I often wonder how did we get here?? What else could I have done to stop him from running to gets his next fix.. I did everything to help him. One thing I remember is he one day told me he was not ready and I still gave him a roof over his head because I was scared for him. I didn't want to bury my son but he didn't care much for himself after 3 trips to the hospital over him over dosing he would promise me he would never again but within in days he would go to the gym and come back high and it would break my heart to kick him out so i would stay up with him !! Why ?? To confort me to know he would not run and then I would say it will wear off and he would sleep for a few days as long as I knew he was getting to that point .. I would be numb those days he would sleep. I was getting just as sick as he was. I was learning to live with his addiction until this last time he got verbal and I couldn't take it so it took my brother that's an officer to kick him out and he left with his clothes on his back and later that night as high as he was he said I'm tired I need help and I don't want to lose my family or my daughter. I called his Sponser and at 5 am we were gone taking him to rehab as high as he was but not once did he argue or fight me on the thought of rehab. When I left him I said to him I love you but you have no home to come to. He said mom go heal and leave me to god. My son was so high still but was coherent enough to say all this and I walked away shattered. I have not heard from him .. I have reached out to the pastor where he is at and he said to me start healing yourself your son would want that.. But why do I feel like I'm still living with his addiction?? Feeling so many emotions..!!!
The answer to your question of why you feel so shattered physically emotionally and spiritually is: you have been dealing with the disease of addiction. It affects all that comes in its way. It is a powerful disease and can kill not only the user but family members as well
I urge you to checkout the meetings and attend. If you cannot get to face to face meetings try the on line ones at first. It is important for your recovery . Remember your son is recovering and if you want a healthy relationship with him you need to do the same
