This is an unspoken boundary, mainly because it's against the law for AH to do what he did anyway.  I went away for the weekend and AH found my spare key and drove my car this past weekend.  I always write down the mileage when I go away, it's been a habit of mine for a year now and yes, there have been other times when he's driven my car.  The issue is that his name is not on my car and that it's illegal for him to drive any car without an interlock device.  Basically, I'd be held responsible for anything he did while driving that car as well as having the car impounded for 30 days, fines, loss of insurance, etc.  My question is: do I confront him?  I was thinking of just approaching him like this, "Can I ask you a favor?  Please do NOT drive my car while I'm gone anymore.  I'm not OK with it and neither would the police be, either."  Is that fair?  I don't want to go all 'motherly' on him but I do feel that I need to at least express my request and let him know this.  Now, many folks in Al Anon would say that 'well, he already knows that you don't want him to do it, why tell him?'  But, I feel that I need to at least let him know I am concerned and that I know about the behavior.  Thoughts?  Is this too codependent or is it a decent boundary setting?

I like the Al-Anon saying, "Say what you mean, mean what you say, don't say it mean." Calmly express what your concern is, how it affects or could affect you and what you will do if he does it again, and then follow through so it is not an idle threat. Just my opinion. Take what you like, and leave the rest. : )

Thanks guys. After talking to my sponsor, I had to really check my motives. He already knows how I feel about this. He already knows how society would feel about this and he knows how law enforcement would feel about it. He chose to do it because he doesn't care about breaking the law, etc and he doesn't care about how it could possibly affect his family. So, I decided to not say anything. I can only protect myself by making sure I don't forget to take my spare keys with me when I travel. I have done so in the past but I forgot this time. It's apparently the only way I can truly make sure he doesn't drive my car again. And, since I know Mark's conversation and possible outcome is dead on, I honestly don't feel like having that conversation with him anyway. Why incite the argument when I already know the outcome, right?

I gather that AH is a teenager? I'm sorry but I dont "do" acronyms or abbreviations well, so not sure age of alcoholic. Anyway what I learned is there are 3 steps in doing boundaries: figure what my boundary is, setting the boundary with the other person, and enforcing the boundary. If I ever "set" a boundary with someone for than 3 times, it means I'm trying to fix the other person. 3 strikes you're out. The enforcement step is by far the hardest for me because at that point I have to accept that the other person is unwilling to honor my boundary and my only choice is sometimes ending the relationship. If it's a minor then involuntary treatment or turning him or her into the police for the crime he has committed--in this case; driving without interlock. Another point however from a legal point of view: it isnt just a financial harm. If the alcoholic hurts or god forbids kills someone while driving your car--in some states you could go to jail or be sued for the harm. There are very high stakes here. I had to decide if I was willing to risk death or serious injury of my loved one or someone else by failing to enforce a boundary. Just a lawyer's take on it.

Been through this one, my ex A stole my car whilst I was away on business a couple of weeks ago.

Result he was arrested by the Police and now charged for a variety of offences, I only found out and the damage to the car when I returned. I thought I could trust him, so another lesson learnt and he will never have access to my keys again plus the car will be fitted with an immobilser so that nobody will easily be able to steal it.

Learnt the hard way sadly