The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ahhhh loneliness. One of the lingering effects of alcoholism.
Alcoholism is a disease of isolation. Al-Anon's tend to be very cautious of who they let in to their life because they have been hurt and betrayed one to many times.
How al-anon has helped me with loneliness is that it has given me somewhere to go when I feel I need to be around people who understand. I usually attend 3 meetings a week. maybe 4. It stops me from isolating and even when I don't 'feel' like going I always feel great after and never regret it.
The Steps 4 thru 12 helped me to let go of my negative attitudes and become able to be open to live life and take risks. I also attend 3 meetings a week, meet a few members for lunch and tea during the week .
Early on I joined a hiking, and biking club, cannot do that any more but my book group still meets monthly.
. Because of alanon I have been able to make friends with many people that before alanon I would not have considered for friends I can use my alanon tools, connect with others on a personnel level but still stay in my own life and mind my own business
One day at a time you will be amazed how fast a life can become rebuilt
Non-profits always need good volunteers who are dependable, non-judgmental, honest, open, tenacious and team players. Urban neighborhoods are generally filled with children who are affected by their parents' alcohol or drug problems and need safe places and safe adults who understand the disease there for them.
Only one of the great tools the program taught me is self love. When I learned that with a healthy acceptance of who and what I was unconditionally I didn't have a problem being around me with no one else involved. Another big lesson was about getting rid of neediness. I use to isolate before recovery which I learned was self imposed loneness; the shutting others out mostly involving, disinterest, anger, fear and a poor attitude about people and life. Al-Anon helped me most by putting me infront of many many other people in the fellowship with similar problems and a ton of various solutions. I had so many alternatives to listen to and watch and the slogan "take what you like and leave the rest". So far it has worked miracles for me. Hope this helps...(((((hugs)))))
For me it helps to have others who understand what I'm talking about when I describe my feelings and life. It also helped me to become closer with others who described their feelings and interests, dreams and wishes. Ultimately I realized it was the perfect recipe for developing friendships. Someone I could call when my heart was heavy, someone I could enjoy going out for coffee with to celebrate good news, times or just engage with. Taking my mind off of myself and helping others by simply understanding them and willing and interested enough to listen since it involved issues I was very much aware of.
Echoing what Hotrod said, that the program helped me cast off all my old, self-destructive and futile habits, which freed up my brain to realize that I can live for myself, and go out and get/do whatever I am enthusiastic about. If you mean 'loneliness' as in needing to be around other people, period, then this enthusiasm for life will naturally bring you into contact with people, if that's what you want. If you mean 'loneliness' as in missing something or someone that used to be there but now isn't, that's probably sadness that you will need to go through steps to grieve. I've noticed also people I know (non-alanoners) confusing loneliness with fear. I have heard people saying "I feel so alone!" when really they mean "I'm so afraid that nobody loves me!" (which usually isn't true, and can be solved by figuring out how to be totally ok with yourself, cue the 12 steps).
I have also found the same thing as JerryF mentions, about not feeling alone with myself any more.
-- Edited by ClearTheFog on Sunday 9th of June 2013 11:54:31 AM
Thats a hard one Oldergal, I can be lonely at times even in company. It is a horrible feeling. It passes though. Getting busy could help, write a book or paint a room. Take your mind off your feelings. What about some voluntary work, spread your wisdom farther than Alanon. Sorry I cant be of much help with this one.x
