The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm slipping. I gave my son money tonight and I am pretty sure he will drink it. I can justify it. He was verbally abusive, threatening and emotionally blackmailing. I wanted to go to my meeting and I gave him money so I could have peace in my home and I could get to my meeting. My progress fell flat for a while. I got upset, hurt by his words, felt sorry for myself, victim mode, guilt, terrible guilt. If only I had more courage to do the right thing. So I walk to my meeting, clear my head, pray for my son and get myself together. Then, everything I hear in the meeting makes me well up, it's like my fellow alanoners can read my mind. So then it's my turn and I start crying. Embarrassing for
Me and them. I feel better now and i
I can see my progress. My sons words and pain come from a sickness so I won't take it to heart. I love him and hate to see him like this. I know he feels unwanted and he thinks I'm a cruel, wicked person but I must have faith in him, me and my hp. I will own up to my part here. I gave him money. This was the wrong thing to do but I will forgive myself, set boundaries and check my motives. My fear is kicking in a bit. I've got a fear that he might die thinking I don't love him and have pushed him out of my life. I am going to ask my hp for guidance and to please help my son. Thanks for listening.x
Every time I think about giving my son something I think about what will it do for him. Will he drink it away or will he buy some food. I've learned that if he's hungry I will give him food but never money. Giving my son money means he will not get any better and I feel I am only killing him slowly if I do. I will let him suffer and suffer bad if need be. Yeah it will hurt me too.....but I will be strong for my son....no matter what happens.
We have all been there many times LC so let it go and move on. Be gentle with yourself and practice, practice, practice.
(((( hugs ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I don't think its the end of the world that you gave him money so he would stop abusing you. You got him out of your space so you can take a deep breath and work on ways to handle the situation differently next time.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Please be gentle with you. Remember the disease is powerful and cunning and the 3 Cs. The disease will angle any way it can in order to get it's way- it is not personal. He's going to do whatever he's going to do- whether you gave him money or not- he'd likely find another way. Sending prayers for you and your son.
At the time you did what you believed to be the best action, and, perhaps it really was your HP's guidance to do what you did. We become rigid in what we label as right or wrong. Take good care and in the morning you can start fresh.
Please be gentle with yourself .. I really choose to see slipping as another form of growth .. I know what works what doesn't and then I can make a better informed choice the next time. Beating myself up for having growing pains isn't productive for me or anyone else.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thank you. Just what I needed, sensible esh. I get carried away with fear sometimes. I've not worked the steps consciously for a while. I will be tonight. I
tend to be too hard on myself. My sponsor is always telling me that. I am much. Gentler with others. I will work on this.x
I had a recent slip too but with my Daughter who is not an A but moves from one A BF to the next. Last wk, she called and asked for money to pay her elect that had just been turned off = this was a few days after giving her money to pay for her phone that had been disconnected. I called the elect company and paid the past due & reconnection fees but she has another bill due on the 15th, rent is past due, etc, etc. She moved here from another state in Feb, had a $4000 tax refund that she lived off of until it was gone, without looking for a job......darn, wish I had the luxury of sitting on my butt for a couple months !!
She had a friend out of state deposit some money in MY cking acct and she called wanting it = we went to the bank, drew out the money, texted her that she could come pick it up. She calls my hubby and asks him to bring it to her --- 54 miles!! That's $10 in gas out of my pocket and it pissed me off - hubby & I have argued about this for the past two days - he can't grasp the concept of tough love and letting her experience the consequences of her actions.
Now she has an 800 mile road trip planned for the 15th to meet her Ex half way to pick up her son so he can spend part of the summer with her. She has no money to pay the next elect bill nor pay the gas for the road trip. Hubby wants to fund the trip and I went off the wall again. We live on a fixed income and I can't even afford to run my A/C and have to live with the evap cooler instead in temps that exceed 110 degrees - now why should I have to suffer the heat because she won't go find a job? Hubby tells me I'm a cold B*tch and that she needs our help but he forgets that we spend hundreds of $ on his medical expense every month - will I trade his very life to keep our daughter's house cool and comfortable......NO - call me what you will but the answer is still NO.
