It's a sad day - Al-Anon Family Group

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

It's a sad day

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I came home early from work because I just wasn't feeling well and I was up really late last night. Had a good weekend and I thought things are going good and might have son back someday. But, I just don't know.

I took a nap and now I just finished lighting my candles for son and others I pray for. I just started crying and couldn't stop. I'm crying as I write this.

Why I'm like this is because I talked to my son last night and he was all over the board. He has been sober 3 weeks now but his mind is not there. He continually obsesses about everything. Can't even stay on one subject and forgets one minute to the next what he's even talking about. It's so sad just to listen to him. How in the world is he ever going to even find work to keep a roof over his head. He hates his father now and can't stop the obsessing about his fathers wrongs. Well, I thought for sure he would be drinking but he called again this morning and he was still sober. He said he called at least 5 people last night talking to them to keep himself sober. So I guess that's a good thing.

So I'm obsessing about wanting him well. Wanting his mind back. Will it come back?? Or is he brain damaged.......

I'm up-ing my meetings and talking up a storm seeking help right now but I still have to cry I guess. Need to get it out.

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

((Cathy)) This is such a horrible disease and it is extremely painful and horrifying to watch our loved ones in this frame of mind. I remember one time thinking that my exAH fried his brain beyond the point of a coherent return. Both times, the aftermath of detox did not bring a straight line to increasing coherence; it ebbed and flowed- a step forward, sometimes two backward, sometimes three forward and one backward. One theory of many is that toxins accumulate in different parts of the body and have their own saturation and release rate... creating more of a seemingly haphazard movement of detoxification. One day (moment) at a time. I will keep you and your son in my thoughts and prayers.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Alcohol is a mind and mood altering chemical...period! Isn't it awesome that it also alters the minds and moods of the people who don't drink it and also are affected by those who do? Go with the gratitudes of what is rather than what isn't. I've watched HP work with many alcoholics/addicts and the family, friends and associates there of. Hope, have faith and trust and let HP work. ((((hugs)))) smile

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs everyone

I wasn't going to post this but I'm glad I did. I got so much ESH from here and last night at my meeting. I convince myself this is the way he's going to be for the rest of his life which I shouldn't be doing. He has been going to AA meetings and he does have a sponsor that he really likes and calls daily. He said he still working on the first 3 steps because he just can't get past or believe in a HP but with the help of his sponsor he hopes to find a solution to his lack of faith.

It's still hard for me to stop thinking he will be drinking any minute but I have to buckle down and work my program even harder. When I know he's drinking I understand where I stand.....now is a whole new set of fears that I have to overcome. I admit I have stepped out of my hula hoop and whet to his side of the street. Now is not the time...

Thank you all....

Have a great day

-- Edited by Cathyinaz on Wednesday 5th of June 2013 08:41:43 AM

-- Edited by Cathyinaz on Wednesday 5th of June 2013 08:45:05 AM

oldergal · Senior Member

I try to accent the positive in whatever situation I hear of or experience. I read your post and I found more than one positive thing that was happening. 1. Your Son is still sober 2. He used a method to stay sober by reaching out to other people (he wasnt doing this before) 3. You are crying and writing your sorrows and not stuffing them. 4. Your Son is uncovering his hurts by expressing his fathers wrongs and is trying to release them from deep down inside. I am not a doctor but I believe the body and brain can reverse damage done to it, he is still young. Have faith Cathy, he has to go through all this to come out better on the other side. Thinking of you and in Support Oldergal

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

White knuckling is no way to do it. He is stark raving sober honey. I guess he needs to learn that he needs AA support.

It has to be horribly hard. He has gotten this far so you know he has it in him! Of course he can do it, he will be back. His organs have been soaking in poison, it will take awhile for them to work properly again. That is why he needs support! Alcohol leeches out certain vitamins, he needs to drink LOTS Of water, eat healthy. Its not just a matter of stopping the drug at all. He needs to learn new habits.

I don't know if he will listen but you might call AA and ask if they have someone who would talk with him. Listening to an old timer has changed many people to want to have what they do. Your son does not even know when he is pity talking.

I would ask your kiddo if he would like to do this. Its not enabling at all. He needs help for his health.

Now you, remember give it up to HP. Picture son in his hands. I do that with both my kids. Neither are A's but the world is tough!

Make sure you are doing things that make you happy. Go get some flowers and plant you a nice flower pot. Or make a hanging basket. I know when I am doing this I do not think of anything else. Then I have to water them so that gets me busy too.Plus they are so great at warming our souls.

I love my old glider that lays down too. Am making my side deck into my haven. So do for you!!! hugz, debilyn

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Cathy,

If you can listen or find some speaker meetings they help a great deal in hearing what others had to go through .. the best part is the hope that people can find their way back. I go to those to have my compassion tank filled up ... alanon is detachment fuel .. aa is compassion fuel .. without the two I'm not running at my best speed. It does help me get through those times of the "why" questions as well as the obsessing.

Hugs P :)

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy,

Big hugs and I am very glad you posted this topic because it's hard to watch someone I care about or cared for at least hurt themselves. Just like the A in my life I didn't see how much devastation I caused to others in my life by my own behavior.

He may fall down and that does and can happen (not everyone just doesn't take another drink), just this past week I watched two people fall down in the AA group I attend. It doesn't make them bad people, or that they won't make it, .. they did EXACTLY what they should have .. yes, they fell down and got back up, called their sponsor and went directly to the nearest AA meeting and focused again on their sobriety. It can all happen in an instant. These are people who have had blocks of time. I also saw someone come back into the program after being gone for a long time. I enjoy seeing the changes that come across people's faces as things do get better for them in their situations. It is hard to see someone slip. That is the beauty of AA/Alanon .. to keep coming back, .. to keep doing the next right thing. I've seen a few come into meetings high or drunk, .. in and out of the program .. it does work when they decide they are sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Most RA's that I have spoken to all kind of say the same thing in terms of it's when they stop doing what they should be doing and that's when they drink or use again. There is nothing worse than a belly full of beer and a head full of AA. It's those dang promises .. those promises of things DO get better that get stuck in their heads. They have lived it, seen it and keep coming back, sometimes they don't even know it's happened. They don't go to meetings, they try and do things themselves, they allow their self will to run riot, this is the last place they want to be and the last place they try. He's doing what he needs to do in his HP's time .. no recovery line is straight and narrow.

Keep the faith sister .. this is not the end of his story nor more than it's the end of yours.

Hugs P :)

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

All is well honey I borrowed this from Louise Hay and say it often for my benefit..I think I will add the "honey" part for me, too!

oldergal · Senior Member

I say modeling is the best teacher for kids, they dont do what u say they do what u do!, who knows maybe your partner might want what you have if it looks good... ! Oldergal

LeenieBeanie · Senior Member

Cathy

I am finding "letting them go" to be the hardest thing I have ever done. As a mother, it is killing me to see our AD like this. I look at her and try to see the little sweet pea she used to be. I know some part of that is still in her, under all the drugs and alcohol. But through Al Anon I have come to know that she has a HP for herself and pray she will find AA for real and get the recovery she so desperately needs.

I work daily on stopping the "crazy reel" in my head that keeps going on and on about "What if this happens? "

I am praying daily for all those whose has a close love one in this disease, especially all the parents of Alcoholic/Drug addicted children.

One day at a time.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.