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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Single again
Post Info TOPIC: Single again
Breakingfree


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Single again
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I was dating a man on and off for the last 9 months and he gave me red flags, pushed my boundaries too far last weekend and I finally threw in the towel. He was not an A, but was raised by one and slowly lots of the traits came out. I feel like an idiot like I should have known better after all this time in al-anon, but obviously I need to stay single for awhile and just work on myself and get through school and focus on my girls in my spare time. I am very frustrated that I let someone tell me one thing whiel their actions showed me there true colors and I still wanted to believe the words. I am learning a lot about myself in this process. I started a science class today and am glad to atleast be back at school. My girls go to their dads for 2 weeks in a couple days and I will need to stay busy for awhile, good thing I am a Y member and can go lose some of my excess weight now. Sending you all love and support!

And I planned a camping trip for my 15 year old and I in July and I later invited him and bought tickets for him and his kids, now I told him I was selling them and I would send him the money he had paid me and he is demanding I send him the the tickets instead. I do not want him camping anywhere near us for my vacation!  I think he is just trying to bully me and needs to find something else to do those dates? Thanks for the ESH.



-- Edited by Breakingfree on Tuesday 4th of June 2013 06:43:06 PM

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

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" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

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bud


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((Breakingfree))) Be gentle with you!

I agree with the others- that you recognized something unhealthy sooner than you would have before.

You showed up, open to a relationship and realized that the other person was not of the same ilk. The only way to sharpen our radar is to practice fine-tuning it. So, you did good. This is the dating process- anyone can be on good behavior for a short while. When the process of getting to know someone is inconsistent, it takes even longer and people can hide things more easily.

I look for alignment of thoughts, words, and deeds and there are people out there that have this. However, it may take some sorting through duds. Keep on keeping on!

Enjoy your trip- stress free!



-- Edited by bud on Tuesday 4th of June 2013 08:55:58 PM

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PP


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Good for you for recognizing that it wasn't working for you.  Perhaps you saw it quicker than you would have in the past?  That is progress.  It is so easy for me to go down that road of "I should have known better"...and I don't see that I am still practicing and learning.  I can't sit down and play a beautiful song on the piano until I practice, practice, practice.  We learn how to be in relationships while we are in relationships..it sucks, I know.



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Paula
yanksfan51


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I agree w PP in that I bet your awareness has been raised where you would recognize those red flags much sooner than later (I almost laughed when I saw 9 mos because I was thinking...'hmm, good for breaking free, only took her 9 mos--I was good for 21 YEARS!!) ha... a little levity

Sounds like you are taking care of yourself!  Enjoy those couple of weeks when you can do that completely

Wishing you strength

YF



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likemyheart


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Just because he is demanding them doesn't mean you have to give them to him - I'd sell them and send him the cash. Sorry it didn't work out - I've been alone for going on two years and have no inclination to even look yet because I know I need time to get back to loving life alone.

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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Debilyn


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I guess I would invite you to remember the good times you had with him. Think about what you learned. Its all a valuable experience. I can see you meeting someone at school who you share things with. I loved how groups of like people come together in college. even a best guy bud would be nice.

A guy does not have to be a boyfriend. At least not till you really know him and it turns out that way. If you don't want contact with the exguy, then don't.

I would surely give him his money back. Trust your instincts to stay away from him.

Wish i could go to the Y with you. sigh. We used to do dance aerobics. lol all the others wore all those silly to me outfits. I went to work not dance, tshirt and my sweats! lol

You are doing well my friend. HUGZ, debilyn



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"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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el-cee


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In some ways, to me, this Is a success story. You opened up and had the courage to take a chance. It never worked out but you did the right thing after only 9 mths. Pat on the back.x

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WorkingThroughIt


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I had to learn the very hard way to allow others to show me who they were before I invited them into my life, yes.

I don't know the details of how the camping trip was planned but if you found the trip, did the footwork to get the tickets and plan it, then giving him back the money he paid seems sufficient. There are plenty of other things he can do that week other aren't anywhere near you and your children. That would be appropriate, yes.

Recovery is a long process and if I put that first, like showing up for meetings and going theough the steps, all else will fall into place.



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Pushka


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Hugs BF,

Can you even imagine what you would have said 3+ years ago??

You are growing and working your program!! Good for you!!

I'm sure there is more to this than the camping trip in terms of this sounds like the straw that broke the camels back and that's ok. While anger is a good motivator I would encourage anyone not to make emotional decisions while angry and have the emotional hangover of the would have, could have, should have's .. kwim? When I can operate out of a non-angry place in making choices and decisions I find that I'm less likely to wobble and the other person doesn't have power over me in terms of me wondering or worrying if I again would have, could have, should have.

I don't know if I conveyed what I was trying to say .. LOL .. apparently I better have more coffee!!

Hugs P :)

Sending lots of love and support your way sister!!



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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Jackie11


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I think you paying him back the money he paid you is more than fair.

Taking the time to take care of you is a good thing!



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