Don't know about you all, but I am SO grateful that it is Saturday! Even though we had last Monday off for Memorial Day, it was the l-o-n-g-e-s-t shortest week ever. 

HP chose to give me a break after the week from hell I had. It's been pretty quiet around here and I'm taking it as an opportunity to employ the practice of grace and thankfulness, not waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Oh, how many times have we all done that? Can't enjoy the good because we know how bad the bad can be if it resurfaces.

When XAH was having positive progress in his disease of alcoholism, I wouldn't enjoy that time. I would search for that "look in his eye", hunt around for empty bottles and cans, listen intently for that minuscule change in his voice that indicated to me he was off the wagon. I had to have a Plan A, a Plan B, even a Plan C to cope.

It's a shortcoming that I have carried with me, even though he is slowly fading from my life.

So for today, I've decided to bask in the relative peace and quiet - just enjoy it for what it is and not let tomorrow, next week, next year run a rut in my brain.

Still working on nesting and making my little house MINE. Finishing off the "living with an alcoholic" half-painted walls and half-finished tasks that I shared with my MIP family about in my posts all those months ago.

It's taking a lot of my energy - too much, I think sometimes - but I am trying to understand the emotional fatigue that comes with the physical work of recovering from living with an alcoholic. I'll paint a little, clean a little, then rest. Do a load of laundry and dishes, then rest. Make myself a simple little supper, watch a little mindless TV, then go to bed early.

The dark circles under my eyes are beginning to fade. My skin is starting to clear up. And I'm keeping off the 30+ "divorce pounds" that I lost with simple food and the exertion involved in getting things restored from the chaos.

I've got a bunch of vacation hours at work that I've banked up, and they could be taken away from me if I don't take advantage. So I decided to not hoard those hours in fear like I did before. I'd save every vacation, every sick day I had because I never knew if I'd need to take them to take my AXH to rehab, or my XAMIL to the hospital for alcohol-induced psychosis.

I talked to my boss, and she approved me taking every Friday off for the rest of the summer - a whole summer full of three-day weekends! Woo hoo!

I can't wait - and I'm planning on using that day off for only FUN - going fishing, taking my sweet old man/dog for a hike, going to the zoo or the botanical gardens or just sleeping in the whole day. Whatever I feel like doing, I'm gonna do.

Making time for fun stuff, too. Last night, I went to a HUGE birthday dinner for a dear friend of the family. These people and my family have been so loving and supportive of me during this time and I was grateful to be able to give back with a little but lovely present for her and just soaking in the fun and fellowship.

I've got the craziest family that has their share of drama, bickering and general shenanigans, but most of the time they operate out of love and compassion. I adore them so.

Today, I'll do some more painting (the ceilings, ugh). I picked up some little paint samples so I'll slap them up on the wall and live with them for a few days so I can decide what I want to do with the colors.

Then, do some laundry and run the dishwasher.

There's an art show at a beautiful old church in a historical part of town this afternoon, so I think I'll go enjoy some beauty. I've always admired how artists can take what's in their brain and put it on a canvas, or in gems and gold or clay or glass or metal or wood.

Perhaps I'll draw some inspiration from it, as I am currently deciding about how to decorate my bedroom, my boudoir. It's such a personal space and right now it's designed in the colors my XAH loved, so it's really hard to fully rest when his favorite things are staring me in the face. The rest of the house doesn't bother me as much, for some reason. More than anything, I want to make the bedroom and master bath my OWN...a place of rest and rejuvenation for me.

much, Much, MUCH further down the line I want it to be a place of romance and love - a place where I can invite a special soul partner to experience who I am on a more intimate level.

HP, give me the strength and understanding to fully appreciate the moments of peace and grace in my life. Please take away that shortcoming of "waiting for the other shoe to drop". Help me to truly live in the moment and not dwell on the past or the future.

Blessings to you all today, dear MIP family.