When you know they are drinking...and find the vodka - Al-Anon Family Group

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

When you know they are drinking...and find the vodka

slogan_jim · Senior Member

What do you think you should do?

I always feel exercising loving detachment works for me in these situations. I would put the vodka back and just leave it. Go to a meeting, call your sponsor and work the program.

I would be feeling deceived, manipulated and angry ! ghahhh!

Yelling at him and calling him on it will just lead to denial, excuses and ultimately an argument.

Give it to your higher power.

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

That is about what I thought too. Thanks for your input. Appreciate it.

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

I just found out that my AH broke his promise of being done drinking, too. I have chosen to keep quiet because I know he'll just challenge me, argue about it, defend his choices, etc. He's a grown man, I have to give him the dignity to find his own way, drinking or not. Take care of you. His path is set before him by his Higher Power, take this time to get to know your HP better. Hugs, I know how hard the roller coaster can be and I struggle, too, to stay off of it!

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you. I appreciate your comments. Hugs back to you too.

dponlyme · Veteran Member

Good ESH above. I would just add that you keep whatever boundaries you may have set in regards to his behavior while drinking. You still need to keep the focus on yourself and what is best for you. Allowing boundaries to be crossed in the name of peace or fear is part of the craziness of alcoholism.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

This has me remember the lesson about expecting that she would drink and use. I worked that lesson good with my sponsor and with the fellowship. I expected and didn't focus. I expected and didn't obsess. I expected with detachment and her drinking and using or not slipped from the number one spot on the expectation list down to around the bottom of it. Miracles and magic. When she did drink I learned to respond inside of my self "Oh well".... and I made sure that if was there when it happened that she would be safe and not in harms way meaning I would call the emergency or such to help her cause I was powerless. When her drinking and using stopped becoming a surprise and shock I got calm and didn't trip over it again and again. Years later I cyber meet a fellow program brother who teaches me the personal question..."She's going to drink and/or use; what are you going to do"? Keep on keeping on..."I am powerless and it's none of my business". (((((hugs))))) smile

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

Very good advice and thoughts from all of you. Thanks so much.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

People are going to do what they are going to do. That is their right. We have no right to change anyone. If we don't want to be around it,we have that choice.

I sure don't want anyone telling me what to do. I want to be loved for me and in spite of me. An A feels the same.

Al Anon has helped me in every aspect of my life. It made me into a better person too. Has helped me to face very hard challenges.

You take care of you, and if you love him, do just that, love him. His drinking or not has zero to do with you, and for me I believe it is none of our business. If we do not like it, we can leave or they can.

sounds easy, no its not. But this is my experience, I thank hp for it. hugs,debilyn

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

The issue of boundaries is a big one in this situation for me personally, .. if I have placed a boundary and I don't follow through then basically I'm telling the A that nothing has changed and that is strictly on me. What I have heard in AA and what AA has taught me is I can state what my boundary is (or I can let my actions show my boundary) and then let it go. I don't have to JADE the situation. I can't obsess or fixate on it either and I'm good for that one. I have to love ME where I am at and love someone else where they are .. and I can do so in a loving way, without needing to go into the pit of the disease. The disease won't like it however not my issue. I need to know myself well enough to know my own boundaries and what I am willing to tolerate and tolerating unacceptable behavior is not ok for me.

Be prepared to follow through or there is no point on making a boundary and sometimes remaining silent I can find out clearer what works and doesn't work for me.

Hugs P :)

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.