The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Two nights ago my AH said some pretty hurtful comments when he was drunk. Had me so upset I couldn't see straight. I was in no frame of mind to make a well thought decision on what I should do. So yesterday when he came home from work he was full of apologies and disgusted by his behavior. I guess it really didn't matter because a half hour later he was drinking again. He says, it won't be long before I go back to AA, I just have to be patient and deal with it for now. The only option I could think of was to leave and go to my Moms house. However, the kids have everything they need here. The oldest sons bus comes at 630 in the morning...all there friends are in the nieghborhood...all there clothes...everything they love is here in this house, it wouldn't be fair to them...nothing is fair to anyone when dealing with an active A. So I came up with my final decision I feel comfortable with. My AH is no longer allowed to drink in this house especially in front of the kids...if he decides not to comply with my request, I will have someone come and get him and he can drink elsewhere. He always said he wanted to live in the woods...go ahead drink there, hope you have fun. It might not be the final decision either, but for now, it's one I'm ok with...and on to my day! Prayers and love to every MIP member, slowly but surely we will get there, thanks for taking baby steps with me.
This reminds me of something I heard at an Al Anon conference when a speaker was talking about dealing with her AH. Her sponsor told her to use these phrases: I am comfortable with (fill in the blank i.e.: you being sober at home), and I am NOT comfortable with (fill in the blank i.e.: you consuming alcohol in our home). She said, after 25 years of program, that those statements she still uses today in many situations. You have decided that you are not comfortable with your AH drinking in your home and you're planning on stating that to him. Sounds wonderful and I do pray that all goes well. Sending you lots of support!
I guess I'm using the phrase method also. I have come a long long way but just this week I put in place a new boundary/phrase. Every time my son appears to want to get sober he starts in with the emails and text. I would always respond with support and I sure validation for him. I doesn't work and it just me for disapointment. Well, he starting to do it now so I decided no more contact in this way. I'm not going to tell him he's great, he's doing so good and all the other junk, praying this is it....he's going to get well.
I have to do this for my sanity and I pray for his....
Have a good day
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
