The material presented
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to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well as Much as I would Like to Say: She is Improving Wonderfully... I'm not quite convinced we are there yet! For those of you that Don't know my Story, My AGram Had a Stroke & I Found her on Mothers Day at her Home...
You know I Honestly don't know were I would be without the Support & Love of this Program & My Al-Anon/ACOA Family! I was told last night by a Dear Al-Anon Friend that even tho this is the road I must Face, HP is the Teacher, and its up to me to listen & learn the Lesson... "Not what I Wanted to Hear, but what I Needed to hear!"
AGram has made Some Progress... "Physically...She is Walking on her own "Independantly" and can feed herself without too many obsticles, her biggest down fall currently is her ability to Communicate!" Some Words will come out Clean as a bell and the rest is but garbled jibber... I have indeed Learned my Powerlessness over this Cituation, and I have also Grown Beyond words in the face of this and Really been able to Put my Program to Work!
What I have Learned...
I Learned that Living One Moment at a Time is an Amazing Gift if you can figure out how too... And when I am sitting in a Room with a Strong Willed Very Independant Women and she Can't Clear her Words & she Can't Communicate what it is she is thinking, well I have Learned to Embrace the "Good" Moments & know that HP will Help me get thru the "Not so Good" moments!
I have Learned that by Handing it Over to God, I Open myself up to Her Needs! And not the "Control" I Wish that I had over the Cituation...
I have Learned that Blessings Come in All Shapes & Sizes, and Hearing her say... "I Love You!" Clear as A Bell Is A Blessing, having her Know who I am! Is a Blessing Currently... & I have Learned that Seeing Her Smile a Whole Hearted Smile, is a Blessing...All things I Feel I Once Took For Granted, Have Now In this Light Become "Miricles"!
Its Tough to be a witness someone you Love who has so many opsticles at age 88... Someone that has Struggled & Fought all her life for Love, Life... And Yes Addictions... She is an Alcoholic Along with a Gambler but she is Also My Gram! A Lady that Built me up to believe that "I" am the only one that can chase after my own Dreams... A Lady that at 85 moved 1/2 way across the US away from her family to Prove that she could and did it by herself! and at 87 desided she was Ready to come home from her adventure... She is Proof that I Can Be & Do what ever it is that I put my mind to& its Never to Late! To See Such a Soul in Such a Pickled Spot is Heartbreaking, but I Also know that no matter where this Road Leads... She Knows in her Heart of Hearts, that I Showed up for her! And walked this Journey with her...
I Can honestly say I have No Regrets at this point on How My Part has been in this, it has been stressful beyond belief, but I know it is all worth ever second I get to see "Her" & Not her illness.. I thank God Everytime I can Hear her Say Anything that is Clear and of Right Mind, And I Pray to HP Ever time It is Not the Grace to See it Thru!
HP has been My Saving Grace in all this, I Remember Before My AFather (Her Son) Past, She said to me, "You would not believe the Calius's I have for the amount of times I have Dropped to My Knee's & Prayed for Him!" I Now Respect & Understand what she Meant!
I believe she has made the Tranision IN the Nursing home were she isn't as PO'd that we put her there now for Rehab, and Like I said she is Moving Mountains in the "Physical" Part of it all & I am Grateful! If it is Meant for the "Mental" part to take shape I know that HP will take care of it, but Either way, Good Or Bad! Cherishing Every Moment has become So Important to me!
I have Made a Choice that this Weekend I am Taking a Mini Vacation from it all, at 1st I thought it to be Selfish, and i have Prayed on it for some time, and I Even Talked to her about it! And she Clearly said... "I'll be Fine!" its only 4 days, but I think I Need some Healing, Some Tears, and Some Time Alone with HP So that I Can Come Back even Stronger Next week... Lord Knows what Tomorrow Brings... Let alone This Weekend, but I have a Plan In place, and we will take it from there!
Weather Permitting I hope to have my Kayak in the Water and just be STILL for a while... Seems to Calm my Soul just being in the Beauty of God's Grace!
SO Thank You One & All that Have & Continue to Add us Both to Your Prayers! I am Forever Grateful for your Love & Support & Indeed your Prayers... Don't know what I would do without ya's :)
Awww Josie...go glad she is improving. Your awarenesses and the way you have languaged them is magnificent and timely for me, as I struggle with similar challenges. I can hear the gentle sounds from your kayak as it moves through the water...enjoy.
Your Grandmother sounds like one of those brave souls who lives life to the fullest and calls to us to immerse ourselves in the river of our own lives. Many prayers for your Grandma's continued recovery and for yours, too! Thanks for sharing the lessons you are learning and the imagery, too!!!
Sister...I love your vision (my hearing) and how you share it because it teaches and reaffirms recovery for me. Your grandmother has spunk and she has Jozie so for me she's blessed. I ask myself who do I have that will hold me up during the trying hours and they are there friends, family, Al-Anon/AA family. Last night at 7pm just at sundown I got that support from my Al-Anon wife who left her focus and activity to help me adjust the clutch on my tool of a truck. She did it willingly and I needed that extra foot which she had. Big thing? yeah for me I couldn't do what I needed both from inside the truck and under neather the truck at the same time which is what I needed. I'm good and not nearly ...that... good. What did I have to do? express my gratitude and move on. Keep it, Kept it, keeping it simple...keep learning it here. Mahalo Nui....((((hugs))))
