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well here i am,lost in my own mind. for 6 months my newlywed wife has had a drink problem. always was a big drinker because her mum and dad drink a lot but was never an alcoholic.
we had our daughter in 2010 and got married sept 2012. even on our honey moon she was permenetly drunk. since xmas, iv been comin home from work to her drunk to the point she cant talk, with my 2 year old on the floor playin with her toys.
this has carried on and when i come home from work, she denys she drinks even though i know she has. she drinks and drives endlessly, wether shes with my daughter or not well she did, she crashed this weekend and has been done drinking driving, luckily my daughter wasnt in the car on this occasion.
iv had to take my daughter away from the family home and ive with my sister sometimes because she has been so drunk she couldnt speak,
one time when i was driving on the motorway, she was hitting me, i had to use force to stop her from makin me crash. this in the eyes of her was all my fault.
it is every day that my wife is drunk yet she denys she has drunk.
i gave her an ultimatum saying after the crash that i would leave if she drank again. she promised she was sorry and she loved me. the next day (yesterday) she had half a bottle of vodka.
i hsve just started a new job and doing well. my day consists of getting up with my daughter, giving her brekfast, going to work, coming home to a drunk wife and i take ruby out then put her to bed.
i have told her to stay at her mums and she has gone but they all are telling me because we married, i have to leave and give my wife the house to live with my daughter as its not my place to leave, yet i cant leave my daughter with my wife because i cant trust her to be a mum.
shes at her mums at the moment, her mum took my daughter too so im at home wondering what to do
im so sad and lost. i believe i am a good dad and do the best for my daughter and love her with all my heart.
I'm so sorry. I understand how frustrating and sad this is. You are not alone. The people on this forum have lived this way and found a solution, alanon. It's a spiritual, not religious program that helps people who are affected by alcoholism.it is worldwide and you can find a meeting online.take care.
You know what the right thing to do is. Your daughters safety as well as yours comes first. I hope you can get to some al-anon face to face meetings in your area. No one else can tell you what is best for you and your daughter, because they are not walking in your shoes. I am sending you much love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I'm happy you found us. We are a fellowship of brother and sisters seeking help with this devastating and cunning disease of alcoholism. I would encourage you to read all you can about alcoholism and take the time to read the many posts here on MIP.
I'm sorry your going through this but many of us are and feel a loss and don't know what to do. I myself found that a solution in Al-anon and here on these boards. We don't give advice but we do give support and encouragement to each other to find the answers we need. We trust in our HP ( Higher Power) God of our understanding to help us in the tough decisions we must make in our lives.
I'm glad your here you are not alone...so please keep coming back.
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
You are not alone. I support all that has already been posted. Al anon meetings will help you more than you can know at this point. There are also online meetings offered through this forum. Keep coming back to this forum and we will do out best to provide you with the support you need. Your wife is not well enough to care for your daughter...I hope that gives you some strength in knowing that you are correct.
The kid and safety thing is really tough. I found out that if I knew that my exA was driving drunk, and let my kids go with him, then I could potentially lose custody...so I ended up breathalyzing him (with a home unit) before he picks up the kids, if I smell alcohol. He knows I will call the cops if he insists on taking them anyway.
so, your obligation isn't only as a Dad, but as a Dad you have a legal responsibility (at least that's true in my state) to keep your daughter out of dangerous situations. For me, telling my A this made it less about me, and more about the LAW. I told him I would not risk MY custody because he was making stupid decisions, drinking and driving with my kids.
Please...keep coming back...and get some legal advice...and get you to some meetings if you can...
Welcome to MIP, and your story resonates with me, as you are living MY life, circa 1998 - 2001....
For me, I did the only thing I could figure out to ensure my children's safety - I put my kids in fulltime daycare. I would get up in the morning, get the kids fed etc., then drop them off at daycare for the day, while I worked. I picked them up from daycare (my ex-AW was not allowed to), and fed & bathed them at night, etc... My AW was furious with me, but it really was the ONLY sane option I had at my disposal...
I allowed my kids to be driven by their drunk mother WAY too often (granted, once is too often, but this happened more times than I can count), and it took me months/years to finally come to the realization of what I had to do.... Wishing and wanting my ex to stop or slow down her drinking simply was not working....
In the end, I suppose my story has (mostly) a happy ending. My marriage didn't survived, but my ex-AW is now over 10 years sober, and is back to being a legitimate and good Mom to our kids. We share the kids on a one week on, one week off scenario, and the kids are doing extremely well.
I wish you well, and hope you keep coming back
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Aloha Gav...you've done a good thing coming here cause now you are not alone in the problem...you've got huge family who have been were you are at right now in many ways and others. For me I struggled with alcoholism and addiction within two marriages. I didn't know about alcoholism back then and didn't know that I didn't know even. I thought drunk was normal and drinking was okay until I ran out of all explantation and justifications for why my life in my marriages was so insane. You already have received the suggestion that saved my life when I first got it...Find the hotline number for the Al-Anon Family Groups in your area and call it and find out where and when we meet to support each other in your town...get to the meeting as quickly as you can. Alcoholism is described as a "compulsion of the mind and allergy of the body. It cannot ever be cured and must be arrested by total abstinence". Throw away any expectations you have of "normal" while dealing with your wife with one exception..."drunk is normal as is insanity". The disease is incurable and fatal if she continues to drink and get progressively worse...it is not about her being a bad person. Its about her being a sick person. Giive yourself some margin as you learn that you didn't cause this, you cannot control it and you won't be able to cure it. Keep coming back to MIP often...read and share and follow thru. (((hugs)))
