The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I got a call from my sister today who said she got a call from the owner of my alcoholic father's local watering hole. They are friends. Apparently my dad has been banned from drinking at the establishment. Since he's apparently gone off the wall. The owner is thinking of getting the police involved. He has threatened multiple people at the establishment.
Amazing the mental transformations we go through in Al Anon. We actually HOPE that our A loved ones will get in trouble. Is this the bar your Dad was considering buying? If so - sounds like that deal is probably off the table. Smile. Hoping with you...
I kind of knew there never was a deal on the table but it was just him musing.
I agree we hope that our loved ones get in trouble. It seems like it will be the only way they learn. Right now, he's on disability and not working. I don't see him going back to work. He's 55, still a lot of time before retirement.
It's sad to see him fall like this. This program is working wonders. I have been able to detach remarkably.
My AH was banned from a strip club / bar. (And those are words I never imagined I'd write....) lol
I think that was the beginning of the descent to rock bottom...for both of us.
Here's hoping you and your dad lots of recovery.
Slogan, it looks like his hp has another plan for him. I get what you mean about one step closer to bottom. Its because you love him and want him to want change. I want this for my son too but it might never come. It may be that for me progress in tiny steps is all I can ask for. In the meantime, focus on you and live life to the full. There is no dress rehearsal.x
I'm going to say I had to wait until I had a cup of coffee before replying to this because the title made me laugh out loud .. and it's not funny in a ha ha kind of way .. this is my warped sense of humor showing .. it's funny as in a priest, fireman, and cook walk into a bar way. I could only think of a punch line to it.
Hugs S. Jim,
When that bottom comes whatever it is .. it's hard to imagine that something bigger might have to happen .. every bottom has a trap door it's as true for me as it is for the A in my life.
That ability to see that coming and be able to breathe is a HUGE gift .. I'm so glad you have found it.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I am fully aware that he may never find sobriety. In fact, I accepted that after his first stint in rehab. That's when I gave up hope on his sobriety.
I agree that the notion of being banned from a bar is hilarious. When I say that I hope it's one step closer to rock bottom I guess I am really saying is I hope it's one step closer to the hurt ending.
What is so great .. the other gift of alanon .. being able to love someone where they are at .. understanding that is their disease that is driving them .. then just letting it be about the disease and NOT getting dragged into the drama of it all.
The lesson of detachment .. huge .. I fully understand what you are saying .. it hurts to watch someone you love or loved in my case slowly kill themselves. Knowing as they do it .. there is nothing I can do to change the fact this is their painful lesson to learn. I wish my children didn't have to bare witness to the travesty to the disease of alcoholism.
That whole breathing through the pain for me .. it's like giving birth .. it makes the pain livable not ok .. just knowing there is an end in sight. My end with the A in my life is just completely letting go and knowing I can't be his higher power. I'm tired of the drama, and again it's only drama if I buy into it .. and this is what's happening in my life at the moment. I am spotting where that drama hits and then I'm more tired after it passes. If I can treat the stories in that zone of detachment then I'm not so tired after it all.
You are working such a great program and it's so amazing to read how far you have come in such a short time here on the boards. You have hit soooo many milestones! Growth is growth. I'm always so grateful to read what you share. Loving an A is never easy, .. how do you love someone who has no sense of self esteem and can't love themselves??
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
It is not surprising. If you asked this question on an AA forum or in an AA meeting, the answer would be a bbunch of people saying "Yeah. Who hasn't? " In all likelihood he will find a new bar. They will welcome him, listen to him whine and take his money ,give him booze and cosign his bullcrap. When drinking, my world revolved around stupid resentments at shallow bar relationships, bartenders, bar owners, and the bars themself. It never occurred to me that my drinking was the problem because other bartenders and bars will gladly make an alcoholic feel like a VIP and they will badmouth his former "friends" right along with him because that is their competition. This will likely continue until he wears his welcome out at the next bar. This occured with me until my alcoholism progressed into being a falling down dunk and then I just drank at home.
He drinks at home now. My sister says he's awake, he's passed out, he's awake, he's passed out......I agree he'll just find another bar.
I hate to say this but I am going to take a break from him for a bit. No contact. It's just extremely painful that I don't have him to turn to. As a teenager when I needed him the most, he buckled. He never cared about anything but his drinking. Never wanted any serious help. He always thought he was father of the year but I think he's a fucking asshole. A selfish asshole. The only thing he is good at is hurting people and hurting those around him.
SJ: I can certainly understand your feelings of anger, betrayal, dashed hope, and fear. You so want a relationship to your Dad that you can count on and maybe fatherly wisdom and guidance, too? Good that you are allowing yourself to feel and good that you are willing to express them safely with us, too. If some of what I've said is true for you, perhaps some of us can be father (and mother, too) on this board for now for you? You may never meet or see any of us, but we are here, we care and we have E/S/H to share.
This board has been a big help. I have a sponsor, attend several meetings, am very active in service work and have healthy friendships. I play sports and continue to educate myself.
Yet, I just feel so alone. I really feel like noone cares.
I've essentially lost my family to this disease and other mental illness' and it hurts. As mentioned in other threads I am seeing a counsellor as I can't live with this hurt and bitterness any longer. I hate being jealous and resentful of others who have done nothing wrong to me.
My cousin has been banned from a couple of convenient stores. He would go in and buy those 24oz beers, and go in the bathroom and drink it. He knew we wouldn't stop at the store if it was for beer, so it was his way of hiding it. After a couple of times, the owner told him never to come back in.
My son drinks at home alone always has. He's awake nights and sleeps days. I wonder how he purchases the alcohol at the store. You would think they would not sell it....even through the self checkout you are stopped and checked for ID??
I can only pray the stores around the area will stop selling to him.
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
In some cosmic, strange way = maybe there is a little truth to the theory. I was just fine in my own mind until my X and my son came along.