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Well I had this little epiphany today .. I'm soooo grateful for the open AA meetings .. there are no weekend alanon meetings and these just remind me that first off I am dealing with a person under the disease and that it can get better for that person if they have HOW (honesty, open mindedness, willingness) to get better. However .. that has to be there for anything to change .. everything has to change.
In dealing with this BS that has been going on and yes, .. I did buy some of it .. not so much all of at .. it's been a wild 72 hours. I think I have bought myself some peace and it does help to know that I don't have to respond to crazy texts. I used to think I owed someone a reaction/response if they text or called me .. now I do understand that I do not. It's not easy or automatic yet to make that decision not to respond.
The best part about the MCP coming to town was remembering that I am dealing with an insane person. Remembering I can choose my response and I DO have choices, in the past I would have immediately panicked and felt like I had no options. I have taken action at this point. He is obviously speaking with his DUI club at work and it's going to be a bumpy road .. I believe whatever happens it's all going to workout for the best for the kids and I. What hole he is digging himself .. probably not so much.
The parts that are bothering me the most is that he has no regard for how the kids or I feel about being in the country and that his "friends" are driving by, .. I say friends .. LOL .. I know of one person who has recently pulled into my driveway as I happened to be leaving. I have no contact with this person nor do I want to .. they aren't a bad person .. they sure don't know the other side of what's going on. I'm just the B who won't let him divorce me .. never mind that I'm trying to follow the mandated order .. never mind that I'm not being unreasonable in general. They don't hear that side of things .. lol .. they hear that I stole money, they hear that I'm constantly messing things up for him, they hear all of the blame none of what he has contributed to the situation.
He's threatening me, using emotional terrorism, intimidation as his tactics to get me off guard and do or say something he can use over me.
I didn't realize how much control I used to allow him in my life .. that's the part that really hit me today .. is I am soooo grateful that he is out of the house. I am soooo grateful that the kids and I don't have to be afraid of what he is or isn't doing. I am sooo grateful that I have a program that is teaching me how to deal with this insanity and know .. yes .. he is crazier than a loon. That is how I was able to really detach from the situation .. for him to be completely removed from it and not have to deal with it 24/7.
He puts up such a front of being a nice guy .. the reality is .. he's not. Nice guys don't do what he's doing and keep doing what he's doing. He really thought he was coming Monday to pick up "his stuff". He really thinks .. I believe one word he says. He really thinks he's going to badger me into doing what he wants me to do. I am kind of horrified by the mob mentality that is going on at his work at the moment. You know .. yes, come pick up your stuff in front of your children and soon to be ex MIL. By all means do that .. let's see how that will workout.
It is what it is .. I do feel sad that these people really think they have the whole story. If they want to be a part of taking things that I need, and it benefits my children as well, and he doesn't need these things living at his mothers .. then .. I guess that says a whole lot about the quality of people he associates himself with, I hope the Judge sees through this barrage of bullying.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Pushka, do you feel safe? I'm sure you have spoken with your sponsor about all this. Have you spoken with the police? Do you need somebody to come and be at your house on Monday? You know your situation; I don't. Please take all the care of you and your children that you need to. Prayers, Temple
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
Pushka...your fire is still lit...yay cause at times we need to keep the engine running on our program and the adrenalin seeping to stay in the right lane. Good for you. Mob mentality? Love it...have seen it and had it placed in front of me also. Big deal!! NOT!! ((((HUGS))))
You know how you know something is coming (I'm not talking about the other shoe dropping feeling .. I'm talking about you have read and see the handwriting on the wall) .. well .. something is coming and it's that 911 feeling I got the end of Jan and beginning of Feb. I could tell something was coming and it wasn't going to hurt me .. I was more concerned about how it would affect the kids. It's coming again .. the question again is .. will it hurt the children and that's my primary purpose how to best protect them .. trust me .. I can more than take care of myself. As far as he goes .. there's the third story building by all means feel free to take the swan dive head first, don't screw up. I know harsh .. after the last 72 hours though .. I am very wary and very done.
I've taken necessary precautions .. at this point there is nothing left to do. I am not engaging him nor do I wish to. I'm on my side of the street. He's pulled a lot of low blows and I've just accepted this is where he is at right now.
My mom will be here until the 30th I'm hoping that by that time he will have moved on to something else and this will have an end date at some point.
It's hard to tell .. he may have forgotten by then .. he may be caught up in some other drama .. I just don't have to engage him. He won't like the engaging I do if he keeps it up.
Anyway, ... I think things will be ok .. my first ex was like that as far as all talk and do nothing .. I'm not sure what to think with this one. Sometimes I think ehe .. no to much bother .. and sometimes I think hmm .. I wonder. We live in fairly close proximity that's the part I don't like .. if it took him 45 min to get here that would be different. I think that's what makes me feel wary. If it got really bad I know I have safe houses to go to and I would take advantage of them.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
In our city, we can request forms to complete that gives the police the right to arrest anyone who trespasses on our property. We have to post no trespassing signs, but it helps to have that form on file - especially when we aren't at the property. Considering the fact that total strangers are showing up in your drive, a call to the police to see what you can do to protect your family in these circumstances might be a help to you? I'm not in your circumstances, but I can tell you that I feel concerned for you and the kids based on what you posted here.
