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I'm frustrated and agitated . My AH sober 6 months is driving me crazy!!!!! We had 2 good days, I decide to go out with daughter tonight and he starts with the questions. Why when you have to.. My stress level is beyond the roof , he wants to no if I would think it's ok if he went on a social sight that I was on. To tell the truth yes I do mind I don't want him on there with me. Bad enought he already violated my email and sights and now he want to be my friend so I can flirt with him . I no this all sounds childish and some of it is , but I don't trust him at all . To set me up for failure. He found his own sight for Aa ppl . Who do not work there program !! And he spots some one that looks like me and wants to bring it to the ring.. To where he almost has me convised it's me!!!!! That's how much his alcholic ways have effected me,, again I wasted to much time talking to him. Which I was taught with Alon . Not to talk to much and don't need to explain myself or defend my self.. The direct questions turn into a guilt trip.. All I ask of him to leave me be leave the nit picking out side the house away from me , this is only setting us back again when he integrates me. Please . How do you advoid the fight if your drag into the ring???? Walking away does not work!!
I don't know what to tell you--it isn't that crazy here at the moment. Never has been that crazy, actually. Somebody will come along who knows to the last sharp intake of air just what you are going through.
In the meantime, I read a quote by Emerson today, which resonates with me--enough to make me cry: We linger in the ruins of our old tent, where once we had bread and shelter.
(((((((((Ms. co-dependent))))))))) Temple
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
Pp not enought to get what I need !! I need 24-7 at this point., 2 a week and plenty of self help reading in my room. Went to see my daughter tonight came home early and the doors lock in bd room. We don't need to no what Ah was doing on there . His habits haven't changed . His lying that he does is just better . He re words thing and twisted them around so I'm caught up in his drunken puddle . 2 hours tonight he wanted to bring me to the ring to fight when I said please leave me be . Drop the subject. No more. Please leave , it's ok it's done. Get out how many times and ways do I have to say this for him to get out of my way!!!! Then gets me so mad he starts saying hit me hit me .. In my face.. God help me !! All for what ?? Before I left to go out tonight , it's like any time I go out . He has to ruin it by saying can we talk for a min befor you go ???? Omg here we go again another useless talk .. Just another way he uses his words to get me to stay home another way AH sober 6 months knows how to make the co dependent feel guilty or try to ruin my night out.. Why do we have to talk every time I go out??? We don't talk when he leaved ? I don't call him at work to say oh it's time for bed . The way he comes home at 11 at night to get a pen!!!!!!! When he has one in his shirt!! He comes home to see what I'm doing . Oh my I might be talking to ppl getting help to get better or making friends . The world will end then!! I'm drowning in his puddle .. Then he has the gall to tell me what network I can use to talk to ppl or to do anything. Then he wants to play my pity card . Play my issues and I'm the reason why this marriage doesn't work.. Why is it I'm the sober one and still have to put up with his what I think is a dry drunk ways . Nothing makes any sence to me any more.. Yes I have a Sponser and she is helping me begin the steps . Just begin!!! I'm way behind from getting any better.. Again he is up here at my door still wanting to discuss a dead subject I asked very Nicly to stop . What time are you going to bed??? Who cares . It's my sleep I'm losing my choice . Stay out of my side of the street . My wall is back up !!!! 2 days this week were good that's because he worked!!! 3 days he will be home , I get no break!!!!! I need a Alon team to live here with me . He needs his Sponser here to keep him off my side of the street.. I'm so so tired of this . It has to end soon.. Then I here how are you gonna handle step 7 with me . That's worst then me taking your inventory ... Great more steps I have to deal with him. This is BS . I'm not sorry I'm here adding pity to my over loaded pot. If I wasn't here venting I would just my self to get peace. And that's how I feel not act Apond it.. Thank you for letting me vent and I will keep comming back and saying the serenity pray .
Calling the police this is not acceptable . 1/2 of quiet time and the ah feels the need to search cell numbers and ask about bank account ??? At 1 am . Still wants to get the last say. I had had it!!!!!!!!!!!
Ms, I hope I dont offend you here but do you think you may be addicted to the drama? On some level you are getting your fix of drama and adrenalin? I ask this because I think I was and maybe still am a little. Living with this type of anxiety level is exciting in a way because your body reacts to stress and then when all is quiet you get a bit fidgety and anxious because your then waiting for the next episode and when that episode comes its relief because then you are no longer waiting. I dont know if this makes sense to you but I know that it can take time to come down from the high of living with an alcoholic. Ms your living situation sounds unacceptable and believe me I know how hard it is to free yourself from it. Im glad you are doing your reading and going to meetings. Try reading 'Detachment' and 'The merrygo round called denial'. Im sure there are other leaflets that will help. Also, get a sponsor, they will help you not only know the program but feel it because for me the reading part is easy but you need the true desire to change in order to feel it. Take care.x
No I'm not offended I'm scared I grew up in a abusive home of control and sexual abuse I been control my whole life . I'm given the freedom to go but I have no idea what to do . My ah knows my past and uses it to control me . I been in touch with woman battered web sight . I don't think this is drama :(( Its a nightmare . I want to get better to get out... I'm trying my hardest to be strong .. It's the games and manipulating things that's my ah does to me that's makes me afraid to leave. To much control he is out of line . He knows how to make feel controlled . I want to get better , I'm so sorry for my venting I really don't like this drama. I'm gonna just stop talking a bit give myself a break . I'm tired from the fight he kept bring me to . I didn't sleep till 3 in the morning thank you for your thoughts I don't take anything the QTIP way I'm looking for any advise positive or negative. And the police never showed up.thank you all when I get better I'm be back on with positive feed back
This sounds like you have literally no desire to be in a marriage with him. He is sensing that and clinging. He does not sound evil and manipulative as much as in denial about how done you are with him. Aside fom some things you perceive him doing that are contolling, you are also hypersensitive to normal communication that a husband might have with his wife. That is on your side of the street. It sounds like you prefered him drunk because frequent discussion and interaction (normal marital activities) make you feel threatened and uncomfortable. That is also on your side of the street. So...I'm not reading an evil and contolling husband. Some of that yes,but much of it does seem that his sobriety and attempts to connect intimately (not just sexually) triggered your ptsd and that is also not his fault. Just like you don't know how to always handle his alcoholism and newfound sobriety, he is fumbling and doesn't knowhow to handle your ptsd. Cut each other some slack.
Bless your heart, Sweetie, If somebody kept trying to "talk" with me for two hours when I had asked him to please stop, I would be feeling very beleagured. And I would feel as if I were being stalked if my spouse came home in the middle of his work "day" to check on me. Especially if I was already strung out from living with him and his disease, and sick to death of manipulation. I hope you won't go away. I hope you will keep coming back and posting. Venting and talking it out is okay. Most everybody who is going through a crisis--especially a long, drawn-out one, posts on here a lot and gets lots of feedback and support when they need it most. Hotrod will be back in a week or 10 days--she'll have some good words for you. Sometimes on weekends there aren't many responses, but things will probably pick up Monday or Tuesday. Keep talking to us. We care. Hugs, Temple I will leave you with what my first contact in Alanon said to me: "It's not your fault and it will get better." You are a lot farther along than I was as an abject Newbie, and you already know about your side of the street. And I know you want him to recover. And your first duty is to yourself. Can you go someplace? I'd think a women's shelter would feel comfortable by comparison.
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
Ms, please keep posting both positive and negative, that's what we all do. This forum can be a lifeline and it stops you feeling isolated. Also, remember that in alanon we all benefit from both posting and replying so your posts are important to your and our recovery.x
To keep this simple, you are doing great by going to meetings and having a sponsor. It seems that you both need space from each other to get your head clear. You can work on your recovery and he, if he chooses, he can work on his. There are too many wild emotions banging around. I feel for you daughter...she is caught in the middle of two parents that she loves. Who is providing her with a sense of security? If it were me, I would say to my husband, I love you and I need space right now. I would then write out the kind of space I need, like: "when I go to bed at night, no phone calls"..or whatever. Be specific. Then say, "if you cannot honor these boundaries, you will have to move out". Of course, you can discuss these suggestions with your sponsor; I don't want to confuse you anymore. Good luck!
Thank you for all your advise exspecislly pink chip.my fault is that told him about my past and he does do things to trigger it and will admitt to doing it. As I'm reading this he is back up here in my space and states some of the stuff you mention to me.. This marriage is over .. I should not have to cut him slack or give him a break ,I'm not getting a brake . I'm working on 1 hour of sleep. I can't just get up and go with kids I'm not going to a shelter to be kicked out later and have no where to go. He won't leave the house . Yeah I'm stuck in a rut.. My side of the street I keep clean , I stay away from him , I want nothing to do with him. I'm not well to accept him. His Sponser his AA friends will tell him to back off . He does not listen.. Again another 2 hours of talk that did not need to be done . This is unacceptable . I have nothing to say to him but to respect my boundarys and it's only one!!!! Stay out of my room my safe place that is mine to work my program.yes he is trying to control the marriage right now and it's not working to his way.. Hypersensitive oh yes I am . When u think he is gone to work . I stand a chance to find peace in me time to relax read my program. Bam he right there again. And says one more thing to say ok .why why come home get what you need and leave.. There's nothing to discuss . Why must he continue on where he left off 2 hours ago.. I am angry yeah my PTSD yeah there a issue now because he no about them and will act on them . This is not in my mind over reacting . Who the hell sleeps out side there trying to get better wife room for hours and looks under the door to see if her lights off for hours . Then try's to come in!! Today he wants to set his boundarys on how he would like things to go. He does not want me upstairs sleeping ! That's to bad !! I need my space . I don't need to be told what time lights go out or when I should go to bed .. I am me . I have my set ways and they are not bad.. My big issue on step 4/5 of my inventory will be to change my ways to not accept his behavior and to stand up for myself . He will not like the better me when I get better.
Can you go to a meeting in your area today? If not an Alon meeting, then is there an open AA meeting to go to by yourself? You don't have to tell him you're going if you have a vehicle and can get to the meeting location on your own. You can just say you're going out for about an hour or so. If you can get to a meeting it would be a safe place for you to simply be and to listen. You don't have to do anything more than that for this day.
thank you for posting this. It's very painful to be subject to drunk or dry drunk ramblings
As one of my al-non friends says 'what do you expect he's/she's an alcoholic?' This is said with love and humour and I hear my friends voice often in my head when my A b/f is rambling and ranting (as he is drunkenly doing at this very minute - fortunately in the next room and not in the same room LOL)
what do I expect he's an alcoholic!!!!!
this means it's not my fault ! yippee. It also means that I need to choose whether I live with it or not! Yikes!
it's not your fault either Ms Co-dependent. I hope you get some peace and that you've got lots of al anon support round you.
